If you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, you may have started to notice that they don’t always deliver on their promises. They may also display erratic behavior, loving you one moment and loathing you the next.

This behavior can seem very confusing, and you may wonder what’s really going on inside the narcissist’s head.

It turns out that the narcissist lives a secret life behind their outwardly arrogant demeanor. There are parts of them that they don’t want you to know about. They may be living a different life behind your back.

If this sounds familiar, the information below will probably interest you.

Who is a Narcissist Behind Closed Doors

In public, narcissists are charismatic, outgoing, and the life of the party. They can be a joy to be around because they’re so charming and sociable.

But beneath this charming facade, the narcissist is someone else entirely. Their inner world deviates greatly from what they present on the outside.

Related : This is Why Narcissists Are Experts in Faking Empathy!

Their behavior behind the scenes will likely shock you, too. Take a look at the secrets that narcissists hide, below.

fragile self-esteem

The narcissist presents himself as confident, dominant, and successful. Behind this outward appearance, the narcissist has a fragile ego.

This is why he puts so much effort into appearing superior. He must create the illusion of self-confidence and superiority, to hide his inner insecurities.

When they are not in the public eye, bragging about their accomplishments or working in the room, they secretly worry that they are not good enough.

Because of the narcissists’ insecurities, even one negative comment, or even the slightest display of disrespect, can hurt their ego, sending them into a state of anger. Ultimately, they feel small, unworthy, and completely unsure of themselves.

questionable online activities

It is not uncommon for people who have been with a narcissist to report that they have discovered their partner’s infidelity online. Some even find their narcissistic partner on dating apps, or looking for sexual experiences.

This happens because the narcissist has an insatiable need for attention and admiration. Unfortunately, a monogamous relationship is rarely enough to satisfy a narcissist’s needs.

So, they turn to social media or dating sites to satisfy their desires. You may discover that the narcissist is flirting with others online, pretending to be single and looking for a relationship.

You may find them sending seductive photos online or through text messages, and relishing the compliments they receive in return.

SecretRelationships

This is not always the case, but sometimes partners of narcissists find that their partners are engaged in a secret relationship behind their backs. In some cases, the narcissist may have multiple relationships at once, keeping each one a secret from the others.

Similar to their secret online life, narcissists maintain multiple relationships to feed their ego. A narcissist must have multiple sources of narcissistic supply to maintain their self-esteem.

The different partners in their lives allow the narcissist to get the attention and admiration they need to maintain a positive self-image. Unlike a non-narcissist, they will not feel any guilt or remorse about their infidelity.

Narcissists lack empathy for the emotional experiences of others, so they will not care that their infidelity could hurt you. You can also be sure that if they are caught, they will not take any responsibility for their actions. Instead, they will blame you.

EmotionalDisease

Beneath the surface, the narcissist struggles with significant emotional turmoil. They may present themselves as confident, assertive, and superior to those around them. However, this is a cover for what is really going on inside.

Internally, the narcissist is highly self-critical. They swing between positive and negative self-esteem very quickly. After all, their psyche is entirely dependent on external validation, so it is vulnerable to collapse.

The narcissist wants you to believe that they have it all. They will try to maintain a tough exterior, convincing you that they simply don’t allow themselves to fall victim to hurt feelings or other feelings they consider weak.

In reality, the narcissist is completely emotionally weak. Unable to create a positive self-concept of their own, they rely on others to do it for them. When they don’t get the praise they need to survive, their entire system begins to collapse.

Fear of Abandonment

The controlling behaviors that the narcissist displays in a relationship are a result of their fear of abandonment. Their fragile self-esteem makes them convinced that their partner will one day abandon them.

As such, they must use narcissistic games to maintain control over their partner. This includes belittling and insulting their partner to make them feel like they are less than the narcissist and lucky to have the narcissist in their life.

The narcissist will also manipulate their partner, telling them that they are overly sensitive. Or they may try to convince their partner that they are crazy and remembering things incorrectly.

All of these games are a cover for the narcissist’s fear of abandonment. He must maintain control, or she will leave him.

How to Spot a Narcissist

If you think you might be dealing with a narcissist, there are ways to uncover their secret life. The strategies below are often helpful.

Watch Their Patterns

If you watch them closely, you’ll notice patterns in narcissists. They may shower you with compliments for a few days, only to become irritable a few days later.

Related : The Worst Thing About Narcissists: Hiding in Plain Sight

You’ll be confused, because just a few days ago, you were their perfect partner. Now, they’re criticizing your every move.

The sudden shift could indicate that they’re paying attention to something else, or they might be projecting their own insecurities onto you.

Once you can spot these patterns, you can be pretty sure you’re dealing with a narcissist who’s hiding their dark side.

Set Boundaries

Narcissists don’t like boundaries. They expect you to meet their needs and automatically comply with their demands.

If you set boundaries that they don’t like, you can be sure that their true colors will come out. Try telling them that you are too busy to hang out with them, or that you can’t help them with the project they threw at you at the last minute.

They will likely get angry, and may even reveal who they see behind your back, just to hurt you.

Look for other signs of narcissistic behavior

Once you identify the obvious signs of narcissistic behavior, you can be pretty sure that you are dealing with a narcissist. Then, logically, you will also know that they probably have a secret life behind your back.

Here are some signs to look out for:

• Always needing to be the center of attention
• Presenting themselves as superior to others
• Rushing into a relationship and making endless promises, only to fail to deliver
• Demanding your time and attention
• Exhibiting selfishness and unwillingness to consider the needs of others

Conclusion

Narcissists hide secrets they don’t want you to know. Instead of showing weakness due to their low self-esteem and fragile ego, they want you to believe that they are confident, capable, and self-assured.

Once you know the signs of Narcissistic Personality Disorder, you’ll know the truth. The narcissist’s outward appearance is nothing but a mask that hides the life they live in secret.