Breaking up with a narcissist is like ripping off a band-aid—the sooner you do it, the less painful it is.
The problem with this is that they will find every way possible to slow the process down because they can’t stand the thought of anyone leaving them.
A narcissist doesn’t want to lose you. They see you as someone they can control, someone who provides them with a lot of supplies. The more you feel drained, the more they’ll be active when they steal from you.
Breaking up is never easy. They may use threats, guilt trips, or lies to keep you.
Don’t let that happen!
Use these 10 things not to say in a breakup to help you come out the other end unscathed.
“Maybe We Can Stay Friends”
Mistaken #1!
Never offer a narcissist an olive branch of friendship after a breakup. You’re breaking up for a reason: you no longer want to be with them. It’s gotten to the point where the best thing you can do is walk away.
Related : Why You’ll Never Be Good Enough For a Narcissist
So why are you inviting yourself into their life? What are you hanging around for?
Being friends means they can still find ways to manipulate you, just from a different angle.
“I still love you”
Telling a narcissist that you love them, even if you want to break up with them, creates an emotional bond that they won’t want to let go of.
Narcissists need to be wanted, they want to be loved so badly that they will do anything to keep them in their lives.
Knowing that you still love them loosens your grip on them, and they won’t hesitate to exploit your feelings.
Even if you still love them – they don’t need to know that and you’ll get over it in time.
Keep quiet.
“Can we stay in touch?”
A big no!
Staying in touch with a narcissist makes it seem like you can’t live without them, and that you still need them in your life.
You know that’s not true, so why make it seem that way when you really want to forget about them and start healing from the toxic relationship you just got out of?
Staying in touch gives them all the moves to re-enter your life and try to keep pulling you back in.
Don’t do it.
“I miss you”
Yes, old habits die hard, right? Missing someone you’ve spent a long time with is normal, but you have to ask yourself: Do you miss them, or do you miss the routine you had?
Now that you’re apart, the world is at your feet, which can be scary. There’s no way you can miss the abuse, the criticism, the demeaning comments, or the control.
Telling them you miss them makes them think you miss all of these things, which you should be careful to avoid.
“I don’t know what I’d do without you”
Yes, you know that.
Even if you don’t know it, pretend you do.
Breaking up with a narcissist should come from a place of empowerment. You choose to end the relationship based on what you need and what you value.
Telling them that you wouldn’t know what to do without them is essentially telling them that you have no identity and that you mean nothing without them.
You mean everything. You’ve been made to feel worthless, which is why you feel empty.
Exposing your vulnerability to them is exactly what they hope for.
Don’t give it to them.
Anything with emotion!
Oh, narcissists love emotion. They don’t have any themselves… but they love it anyway.
Narcissists want to see you cry. They love to see you squirm and feel uncomfortable or insecure, so they can pounce on you and be the ones to direct you to the emotion they want you to feel.
Related : What to Say to a Narcissist When You Leave Them?
Vulnerable people are prey, and narcissists are constantly trying to find ways to hunt you down.
They find you through your emotions, but if you break up with them, and show them nothing but facts (i.e., I want to break up with you), they have nowhere to go and no source to take from you.
“It’s My Fault”
One of the things a narcissist will see from you is that you blame yourself for the breakdown of your relationship.
“It was all my fault.”
“It’s not you, it’s me.”
“I blame myself.”
“You didn’t do anything wrong.”
Really?!
I don’t think that’s true.
Blaming yourself is exactly the kind of fuel a narcissist wants to use to tell everyone what you said word for word.
If they have evidence that you’re blaming yourself, they’ll get off the hook right away, and they’ll enjoy telling the world.
It wasn’t your fault.
“I believe you.”
Ending a relationship is hard, but ending a relationship with a narcissist is even harder.
They’ll try to find as many ways as they can to tell you that you’re the problem—that you’re doing this or that you’re not doing that much. They won’t stop until they’ve drained you and made you believe everything they’re saying.
What’s the worst thing you can do?
Tell them they’re right!
Believing them and telling them this will be the confirmation they need that their emotional manipulation has worked on you. Not only do they feel like they’ve won, they’ll also move forward into future relationships, believing they already have a way to win.
“You’re a Narcissist”
Well, if there’s one thing I’ve learned in my time working with you, it’s that you can never tell a narcissist that they’re a narcissist.
Related : The Disturbing Reason Why Narcissists Love Playing the Victim
I mean, you can technically do that, but it won’t get you anywhere.
The next outburst will be like a volcanic eruption, exploding with anger and resentment toward you.
You’ve figured them out. You know their secrets. You’ve cracked their lies.
You know them.
This is dangerous to them because they usually know what will happen if you tell everyone that you know exactly who they are and what they are.
The narcissist will not hesitate to match your honesty with their lies, creating a smear campaign in your name everywhere.
You don’t need the hassle.
“I’m scared to do this”
“I want to leave you, but I’m scared to make that call.”
What are you afraid of? Do you think life would be better with them forever?
Never tell a narcissist you’re scared. Ending a relationship is a courageous act of self-care that you should never underestimate.
Admitting that you’re scared will only make them stick around. Then they’ll either try to rescue you and lure you back or scare you further with threats and lies.
Big mistake!
