Many people don’t even know what a healthy relationship looks like. Hearing insults can be a normal everyday experience for those in a narcissistic relationship – but it shouldn’t be!
Insults, in general, are not part of a healthy relationship.
In narcissistic relationships, they are prevalent.
You are the worst.
I can do better than you.
Are you sure you’re happy with what you’re wearing?
The way you wrap gifts is so bad.
Insults are contemptuous, and they are meant to hurt and devalue another person. There’s nothing funny about them, and the hurt feeling they leave you with is a sign that you’re in a narcissistic relationship.
Related : Did You Know This is Gaslighting?
So how can you overcome a narcissist’s dominant word, and reclaim your power?
Insults
Narcissists love to insult. Love seems strange, and it is. And that’s why this is what narcissists prefer.
It’s their nature to call you names. If that sounds confusing, think about how you might be called a pig for eating too fast, or rewarding yourself with a chocolate bar. How about being called a dullard for not dressing up at a certain time.
These are learned insults that narcissists have picked up along the way. They likely come from childhood, when they saw their parents’ narcissistic relationship play out right before their eyes.
Narcissists have learned that to make you feel bad – they will call you names.
The name is usually a reflection of themselves that they are too afraid to admit.
BottomlineYourAbilities
You are a terrible cook.
You really can’t knit to save your life.
Anything you get your hands on, or feel you are good at, is written off and thrown in the trash by the narcissist.
They don’t want to see that you’re good at anything; and if you are, they won’t like it because they’re not good at it.
How dare you show off your talents? Narcissists won’t accept that.
Personal Insults
If you’re only with you for physical intimacy, the relationship will only last a few days.
What a way to chip away at your self-esteem—by calling out anything personal about you in the first place. That’s how the erosion begins.
Narcissists will do this to remind you that you’re so bad at something that no one else could possibly want or desire.
What does that leave you with?
It leaves you with no choice but to stay with them, because the alternative has somehow been designed to make you look even worse than you currently have.
Appearance
Your shirt doesn’t fit your features.
Are you sure you’re happy with what you’re wearing?
Now—these comments are less of a direct insult. The narcissist isn’t telling you that you look terrible, but they’re doing something more subtle.
The narcissist is asking you to question and challenge your appearance so that you feel bad about yourself.
These are still insults, and the narcissist knows exactly what he’s doing when he makes an issue of your appearance. Remember, he wants you to agree with him and choose to wear something different.
Why?
You probably looked really pretty, and they felt threatened by it.
preferences
I don’t like the sheets you put on the bed this morning. Why do you insist on putting flowers/stars/whatever on things when you know I don’t like them?
I wish you could understand how much I hate chicken curry. It’s not funny – it’s just a preference.
Yes, it’s like they’re doing you a favor by telling you what they don’t like so you can appease them by making or doing what they claim to like.
Don’t be surprised when these types of insults change, and next week the narcissist loves the stars or your chicken curry. They want to keep you guessing about their next move because they believe a healthy relationship is based on inconsistency and movement.
choices you make
It’s not uncommon for a narcissist to insult the choices you make.
Whether that means deciding to learn a language (why bother?), joining a fitness class (you don’t need to do that; you look fine the way you are), or joining a walking group (I can walk with you if you want? You don’t need a group for that).
Related : Don’t Fight or Argue With a Narcissist; Do This Instead!
A narcissist insults your ability to make free choices by pretending to know what’s best for you and how they can improve your time without you going out, becoming independent, and making new friends.
They prefer to insult your curiosity to try new things by bombarding you with opportunities to spend more and more time with them – something you may be keen to avoid.
IfIt’sHarmful – It’sUnsafe
If a narcissist’s insults hurt you – you’re not in a healthy relationship.
There’s a difference between subtle sarcasm and pure insults that are meant to hurt and cause pain. If you know you’re hurting someone, stop doing whatever is causing them pain.
Insults can include body language and tone of voice – all of which fall under the category of insulting behaviour.
Insults are a way of expressing contempt for someone, and you shouldn’t listen to or tolerate any of them, especially if you feel like the insults are changing your character.
This leads to an insecure and unsafe union, and the longer you stay in it without changing your boundaries, the worse you’ll feel.
The “Love Language” of Narcissists Is Dominance
Related : 9 Reasons Why Narcissists Need Their Flying Monkeys
Insults are known as the love language of narcissists. They think they’re doing you a favor by being honest and can often say, “I thought you valued honesty in a relationship? I was just trying to be honest.”
Don’t Believe It.
They can’t use your natural, natural love for loyalty and honesty to make you feel bad about yourself, and they shouldn’t be allowed to.
TheyAren’tJoking
Finally, remember that no matter what insult you hear from a narcissist, never assume that they’re making it better by telling you they were “just joking” after the insult.
You shouldn’t accept hurtful comments based on the belief that they were just messing around and looking for a laugh because the laugh is never at anybody else’s expense.
