Giving a narcissist a cotton swab to clean their ears so they can hear you better is pointless. They may have the cleanest ears in town—but the fact remains—they still aren’t listening.
They don’t care. They won’t change for you or anyone else.
They just want you to answer their call and force their conflict on you to get a reaction.
Criticizing them only creates more pain and frustration for you and gives them fuel to criticize you and tell everyone how annoying or intrusive you are.
Generating more damage is pointless—but it’s better to avoid conflict. Remember, getting into a fight isn’t good for your health, so what’s the alternative?
Outsmart them today with these tips!
Don’tCriticizeThem
Saving yourself from a world of pain and refusing to criticize a narcissist is one of your best bets. Why bother when you know they’ll never change?
NothingYouSayWillWork
Narcissistic patterns play a role in relationships with narcissists, but getting your point across in a cool, conflicted way isn’t going to make them jump out at you and realize how much they’re affecting you. So it’s best not to even try to upset them.
I know this is a hard truth to face, but facing it is the only way to see how energy can truly be wasted on people who don’t care to entertain your point of view.
That’s them – not you.
YourEnergyShouldGoIntoUnderstandingWhat’sReallyGoingOn
With all the books and knowledge in the world, you’ll never be able to use what you’ve learned to teach a narcissist a new way to live. It would be great if we could all use our insightful, acquired wisdom to push a more positive agenda – but life isn’t like that.
Related : What Happens When you Abandon the Narcissist?
Find the Patterns and Stay One Step Ahead
Instead, understanding the patterns of a narcissistic relationship can help you navigate your own experiences. This can look like making informed, wise decisions and understanding what’s best for you and your well-being—not just this relationship—but all future encounters with the narcissist.
Knowledge is power, but only when you use it for good, not to add more conflict to an already difficult relationship.
DefeatThem!
When the bait is thrown your way, it’s often tempting to bite and be drawn into an argument, a manipulation tactic, criticism, or anything else that involves the narcissist controlling and using you as their supply.
The Grey Stone stops all of that.
SeeTheirAbuse—and ChooseDetachment
The Grey Stone is the detachment tool that works like magic on the narcissist. When they expect you to explode or respond—give them nothing. What can they do with nothing?
Nothing!
Being emotionless, unbothered, and uninformed goes a long way (for you—not them), leaving you feeling more empowered than you have in a long time.
The gray stone means you don’t have to let them bring you down, so stick to general comments like the weather.
Firewall!
A step up from the gray stone method, the firewall is a newer concept that seems to work great in narcissistic relationships because it allows you to hide any information that is important to you while sharing other, less important information with the narcissist.
Set Boundaries – You Deserve Them
Setting a firewall is a healthy boundary that protects your deepest thoughts, and gives them the space they deserve. It acts as a filter that only feeds them some clips and is a very effective way to keep them in a loop without revealing everything.
Set Boundaries
Friends who understand what you’re going through.
A therapist who acts as a ringing box.
Family who knows the dynamics.
Online support groups.
Places where you can just be yourself and where you can grow in that space will make it less likely that you’ll run into conflict with the narcissist and end up in some sort of argument with them.
Be protected!
Support systems protect you from making mistakes that will worsen your relationship, and the advice you can get from spending time with people who value you will allow you to see yourself in a more confident light.
The importance of safe spaces is never underestimated.
Accepting Relationship Limits
Narcissistic relationships have limits, and unfortunately when you love someone, it can be hard to accept that. The truth is, a narcissist can’t give you what you want (love, truth, loyalty, kindness, compassion), and the sooner you realize that, the better.
Setting boundaries is pointless. You won’t suddenly get a narcissist into a healthier relationship with you because they can’t give you what they don’t have.
Addiction is how they keep you
They have ways of keeping you addicted, so even if you’re not happy, they’ll convince you that you are or that no one else out there is going to do a better job than them.
It’s time to understand that you are not capable of developing further. You are in a place where the relationship has done all it could, and now it’s time to ask yourself, “Do I want this for the rest of my life?”
Related : Can Being with a Narcissist Turn You into One?
Avoid fights by avoiding your awareness of these boundaries.
Distraction is Key
Attempting to destabilize the narcissistic rage that comes with any type of conflict is how you gain control and dominance over the narcissist.
Not confronting them does not mean enabling the problem. If you choose to confront them and start a fight, you are allowing them to fly into a rage that is justified by your mood (notice how your mood is the problem, not their pushing and shoving you until you explode).
Don’t explode. Don’t engage. Notice the red flags and distract them by not returning the feelings.
You may have previously used your energy to try to create a happy outcome. However, the futile act of trying to control the narrative with your thoughts and feelings will only give the narcissist the power they crave to manipulate you further.
You deserve better.
