We are constantly told…

Never get on the wrong side of a narcissist.

Why?

Because it means you’ve done something they can’t stand – and that means punishment is warranted.

How do we know what will set a narcissist on fire, send them into a rage and send you flying?

Believe it or not, you can be aware of what a narcissist can’t stand, and there are certain things you might do to get them to get their rage under control.

So… why not start here? You can learn something new today about what you might be doing to get a narcissist to act out.

ToneOverReaction!

Narcissists are very good at picking up on the way you talk.

Your tone is key to regulating their emotions, so if they think it’s “wrong” or “inappropriate,” they won’t hesitate to tell you. Now – how do they tell you that? I’ll get back to the point, but first… let’s back up.

Tone of Voice?!

Yes, we’re really dealing with glorified school administrators here.

I didn’t appreciate your tone of voice.

How dare you talk to me that way!

Would you like to rephrase that?

And here’s a better way:

Who do you think you’re talking to?

The familiar feeling of being criticized for your tone of voice is kind of ridiculous, isn’t it?

Since the narcissist can treat you any way they want, they’ll call you out on the slightest thing. You’re not allowed to be moody, or to be irritable, or to not see the funny side of something at some point.

Why?

Because your response to the narcissist must be exactly what they want to see or hear, or their efforts at playing games will be futile.

ThrowYouIntoTheWater

A narcissist will often tempt you into giving them the response they’re waiting for. They want recognition, they want praise, they want flattery—they want it all. If you can’t give it to them, or they feel your tone isn’t right—you’re right. They’ll tell you how upset they are about it.

Related : 8 Reasons Why Narcissists Struggle with Honesty

They can push you to give your best words, but they can’t force you to respond with emotional accuracy.

In this case, things may start to seem a little murky to you.

Narcissistic Hypersensitivity

Nasty? Yes.

Angry? Yes.

Arrogant? Yes.

Angry? Yes.

Silent? Yes.

Sullen? Yes.

At their core, narcissists are the most insecure people on the planet. I mean this, because I know how hard it is to believe them when they appear so charming and confident.

You have to remember—this is all an act. They don’t mean it. They’re hiding their true selves because they’re so ashamed of who they are.

They don’t want you to know that, they just want to shame you instead—which is what they do when they don’t hear what they want to hear from you.

This brings me to the hypersensitivity of narcissists. If you don’t give them what they want or need, they’ll reveal all the narcissistic traits they possess—and shoot you down.

NotJustWords

Looking beyond the words you say to the tone of your voice is often where you’ll find a narcissist lurking.

They see you coming. They know you’re going to speak up, and they’re already hoping and waiting for you to give them exactly what they need.

Words and beyond – Tone is how a narcissist will attack you – or rather try to.

How a Narcissist Tells You You’re “Not in Their Good Books”

Oh my. Knowing how a narcissist tells you that you’ve done something they don’t like will help you overcome the challenge of their emotions and anger.

The narcissist will attack. The moment your uncaring, uninterested, unbothered tone of voice slips, they will focus on you like bees on honey.

You can almost feel the change in the air as they collapse around you, unable to get the response they were hoping for, and that’s when the conflict begins.

The question you need to ask yourself is, why should you be put in a situation where you are deliberately feeding the narcissist a neutral tone? Would it be right if you responded with a more energetic tone and gesture?

Related : 7 Ways to Reduce Anxiety Caused by the Narcissist

Here’s the thing to remember with narcissists:

Nothing you say or do will be right. If it was, it won’t be right tomorrow.

Narcissists are always moving the goalposts to keep you guessing, to keep you on your toes. They do this to prevent your world from being safe and predictable, all ingredients to foster anxiety and uncertainty, and it’s up to you to figure that out.

Techniques to Free You

First, when a narcissist tells you they’re unhappy with you simply because of the way you’ve spoken or responded to them:

Don’t take it personally.

You don’t need to take it personally. It’s not your responsibility to take responsibility and manage it. I know this may seem like a big ask, but the problem isn’t you.

They want you to comfort them, and if you don’t give them what they want, it’s not your responsibility.

Don’t interfere.

The narcissist wants to tell you how miserable they are, and they will try to drag you into a fight with them.

Just don’t.

Don’t interfere. Don’t give them what they want. They are looking to feel better about themselves by taking their anger out on you. Let them know that walking away won’t work.

Keep Your Expectations Realistic.

The sooner you understand that the narcissist has unrealistic expectations, the sooner you can apply your own realism to your expectations. Don’t change to suit them, because the narcissist will always find ways to be unhappy. Don’t think that answering in the right tone will give them what they need because you can never predict the “tone” they are looking for.

Related : 8 Reasons Why Narcissists Cant Change Their Behaviour

Why even bother?

It’s not worth it.

Ready to Fight

The narcissist is always ready to fight, so you have to ask yourself – do you really want to argue?

Your tone may be inappropriate, and the narcissist will be the first to pounce on you when they notice.

Not too boring.

Not too sarcastic.

Not too disinterested.

A narcissist is sensitive to anything they don’t like, so if you want peace, even for a moment, that’s something you really need to consider.