One of the things I would love to know and give you is the important tools needed to navigate life with a narcissist. I don’t want to just bombard you with information and walk away, so this is one of the most interesting questions I get asked:
Is it possible to tell others that someone is a narcissist?
Family, friend, coworker – it doesn’t matter who the narcissist is, but can you point them out?
Well – technically you can do whatever you want!
But…
There are ways to do it that don’t make you look like a lunatic.
Here’s how.
pointingoutanarcissistishardwork – get ready!
Trying to point out the narcissistic traits of others in this person can sometimes make you look like the “bad guy.”
Related :What do Narcissists do With Truth Tellers?
Are you trying to cause trouble? Are you trying to start a fight? Are you enjoying the drama or conflict? Be prepared for these opinions that will be unwittingly given to you the moment you feel like you want to spill every negative or toxic aspect of the narcissist’s personality.
The Resistance Will Be Strong
While you’ve been picking up on the signs and noticing these traits in the narcissist, other people have been given the same time to build a stronger, more positive view of them.
Any chance you get to point out the fact that they’re not who they say they are, or appear to be, you’ll likely be seen as the narcissist.
And guess who’s going to love every minute of it?
The Real Narcissist!
IfOnlyOthersCouldSeeThemselves, Right?
I get it. If someone is creating all sorts of problems in your life, and even other people’s lives, you want to hold up that giant mirror to the narcissist and say, “Guess what, guys? This is your problem!”
If it were that easy, I’d say go for it, but unfortunately, narcissists are surrounded by a lot of people who cover themselves with the artificial veil that narcissists put on them. They love narcissists. They’re good people. They’re charming. They have a presence like no other.
They are who they are.
It’s so frustrating when you feel like you’re the only one who can see the snake lying in the grass, and you want to warn people before it bites them.
FailureIsPossible!
Now, for the not-so-fun part:
It’s very possible to fall into a fiasco when you start to reveal what you’ve learned about someone with narcissistic traits.
Related : The Most Cruel Things Narcissists Do
I get it. You want to scream. You want to scream and tell the world, “This person is a narcissist! Get away from them!”
Where will that lead you? Well, not very far, of course.
You may feel so strongly about the subject that you want to warn others, so you need to understand that there are ways to do this, and ways to damage your reputation if you get it wrong.
How to Really Point Out a Narcissist
Here’s the thing.
Don’t do it.
I know this sounds counterintuitive, but:
Don’t do it.
Don’t even think about telling the world your thoughts when you can let the mess unfold on its own.
Step Away and Watch the Dynamics Change
As you step away from the dynamics, the entire puzzle will shift to an alternate image that doesn’t contain you.
What does this mean for the narcissist?
Without you in the picture, the narcissist will look for their next victim. If they can’t get to you, they’ll get under someone else’s skin, leaving everyone wide open to see what’s going on.
Let the narcissist’s behavior speak for itself.
The Once Supportive Person of the Narcissist Becomes the Enlightened One
Now what you’ll see is the potential for someone who was once supportive of the narcissist and perhaps enabled them from time to time to suddenly become the one being emotionally and mentally neglected.
The smile will fade, as they slowly watch the narcissist’s mask slip. Maybe only once or twice, and very subtly at first, but that will be enough for them to see that you were right all along.
TimeForReassurance
This will be greatly supported by you stepping in and asking them if they are okay after what may have been a fight or a moment where the narcissist has managed to trigger their new supply.
Related : 3 Ways to Deal with Covert Narcissists
You find out, you ask, and you plant the seed that you know what it is like, because you have been there yourself.
TheSeedGrows
Once the seed is planted, it will grow into greater and greater doubts in the new recipient about the narcissist.
Your work is done, after you’ve reached out to the narcissist and told them how much you understand the frustration the narcissist feels about being criticized, embarrassed, or ridiculed.
As you can see, this is an opportunity for the narcissist’s attitude and behavior to speak for itself. You don’t need to tell anyone anything, and the key to maintaining your good reputation is to plant the idea that the narcissist’s name is the problem.
Weeds from Flowers
It’s one thing to understand that the weeds in this world need to be treated, but sometimes, unfortunately, it can take time to get that justice.
Time is of the essence. You have to be patient, and instead say, “This relationship is unhealthy for me, so I need to walk away.”
Related : 6 Alternatives to Calling Out the Narcissist
People may be rude and concerned about what’s really going on—they may see you as the problem—but the only way they’ll understand the truth is if they live through your experiences themselves.
Unfortunately, this is a common outcome of having a narcissist in your life—they don’t hurt those who aren’t in their way. If you walk away, someone will rush to take your place and only then will they begin to see the patterns you saw.
As these patterns emerge in someone else’s eyes, you allow the narcissist to speak for you.
Your silence is your weapon.
