Narcissism is often said to be an incurable disorder. Many people with depression, bipolar disorder, and schizophrenia seek treatment for their mental health conditions, but rarely do you hear a narcissist say, “I don’t want to be a narcissist anymore.”
Those with this disorder don’t want help and are very defensive when diagnosed.
When someone with narcissistic traits goes to therapy, they use it to get more support by trying to outdo the therapist and prove their superiority.
However, not every narcissist is incurable. Some genuinely want help, and when given a safe space to be vulnerable, they will admit that they are ashamed of their actions and feel guilty for hurting others.
Narcissistic behaviors are almost always a disguise for fragile self-esteem.
If the narcissist is able to improve their self-esteem and devise strategies for coping with negative emotions that don’t involve devaluing others, treatment can be successful.
Change is possible for motivated individuals if they are willing to listen to professionals and learn how to recover from being a narcissist.
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Before you embark on the road to recovery, you need to determine if you are a true narcissist.
We all have narcissistic tendencies at times—it is a sign of high self-esteem and confidence.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder is only considered a disease when these tendencies become excessive and negatively impact those close to us.
Here’s a list of common traits and behaviors among narcissists.
As you read through them, know that almost all of them apply to everyone at some point, so don’t notice them unless they apply to you most of the time.
1 You Believe You Only Deserve the Best
Standing up for yourself and speaking up when you don’t get what you deserve are admirable traits, but only when you’ve been legitimately slighted.
Narcissists tend to believe they deserve the best in life: the quickest promotions, the most attractive partners, and a group of admiring friends.
If you’re constantly feeling disappointed about your lot in life, you may have some narcissistic tendencies.
2 The Rules Don’t Apply to You
Narcissists aren’t necessarily ignorant of society’s rules and norms, but they don’t think they should follow them.
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You believe you deserve the best and that people need to give you or at least get out of your way.
If you don’t feel the need to treat others the way they treat you, this is a classic sign of narcissistic personality disorder.
3 You get angry easily
Getting angry is a symptom of many mental disorders, so it’s important to focus on specific situations that make you feel so angry.
Narcissists are extremely sensitive to criticism and anything that hurts their self-esteem. If you find your blood boiling when someone disagrees with you or corrects you, you may be a narcissist.
4 You’re not very empathetic
Do you have a hard time understanding someone else’s feelings without thinking about yourself?
Can you think about what that person is feeling without thinking about what you might feel under the same circumstances?
Narcissists have a hard time understanding that other people have unique feelings that may be different from their own.
5 You have an overwhelming need for control
Do you feel stressed whenever you lose control of a situation? Do you worry that things might go wrong and that you might look stupid or guilty for any problems that arise?
Narcissists are perfectionists and anything that tarnishes this reputation or shifts blame onto someone else should be avoided.
6 You’re Frequently Jealous
Envy is normal, but when it becomes so overwhelming that you can’t stand being around someone who has something better than you, that’s narcissistic personality disorder.
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Jealousy is often coupled with insecurity, making you feel like everyone is out to get you things that rightfully belong to you (which comes down to a sense of entitlement).
7 You’re Always Exaggerating
There’s a fine line between self-promotion and bragging, and it’s not always easy to cross.
Narcissists, especially those of the egotistical variety, take self-promotion to the level of exaggeration and lying to gain the admiration of others.
Covert narcissists are likely to exaggerate illnesses and personal struggles to gain sympathy. In both cases, the goal of these exaggerations is to get everyone’s attention.
8 You’re Sure You’re Special
Loving parents often tell their children that they’re special, and many children spend their entire childhoods feeling this way.
But as adults, most of us realize that we are not special in the grand scheme of things. We should be treated like everyone else.
You may have some pretty strong narcissistic tendencies if you’re still struggling with this concept.
Very few people overcome their narcissistic traits, but that doesn’t mean it’s impossible.
Most don’t overcome their narcissism because they simply don’t want to.
Unlike many other mental disorders, narcissism is not a barrier to a successful life, at least when it comes to your career. In fact, narcissistic behavior is often rewarded.
Forming lasting relationships can be extremely difficult for a narcissist, and making these relationships work requires them to stop engaging in self-destructive behavior patterns.
Related : What Happens When You Go Grey Rock on a Narcissist?
Many narcissists are not motivated to do so because lasting relationships do not satisfy them. Genuine respect and admiration from one person is not enough for them; they need new sources of supply to feel complete.
This does not mean that they cannot change if they cannot change. The causes of Narcissistic Personality Disorder range from genetic predispositions to childhood trauma, and it would be unfair to generalize the motivations of all narcissists.
A self-aware narcissist can change their thoughts and behaviors with the help of therapy along with caring friends and family members.
Narcissism is not a disorder that can be cured. The underlying causes must be addressed, including repairing the narcissist’s fragile self-esteem.
Without this support, narcissists have no self-worth. Treating Narcissistic Personality Disorder requires narcissists to create an internal locus of control through positive self-talk and reframing situations to give themselves more agency.
Narcissistic personality disorder is complex, and each person has different triggers that lead to their maladaptive behaviors.
For this reason, it’s always a good idea to seek professional help for narcissism; a therapist can identify the root cause and create a tailored plan to eliminate narcissistic behaviors in the future.
However, there are some things you can work on yourself that can help reduce the impact of narcissism. Change is possible, but treatment is usually a lifelong journey.
1 Create a list of triggers
Narcissistic behavior patterns are often the result of low self-esteem.
If a narcissist has access to an unlimited supply, they rarely lash out. Make a list of things that make you angry. Think about things like being criticized.
Do you personally lash out at the source of that criticism? Try to understand what triggers that criticism.
Is there a painful moment in your past, and do these negative feelings surface whenever someone gives you a less-than-stellar evaluation of you and your actions?
2 Identify situations that might be triggers
You can’t eliminate all triggers, but you can certainly minimize them.
For example, if you’re someone who can’t handle criticism, a career in entertainment or politics might not be for you. If you’re self-conscious about your career options, attending a high school reunion might be a trigger.
3 Think about behaviors you’d like to change
When someone criticizes you or unintentionally puts you down, how do you react? Are you undervaluing and attacking him?
Think about how these reactions negatively impacted your life. Would you like to change your behavior in the future?
4 Think about how you might react differently
Counting to ten may seem cliché, but putting some space between the trigger and your reaction can make a big difference.
By doing this, you’re shutting down reflexive behavior patterns and replacing them with sensible responses that are less likely to hurt those around you.
5 Make it a habit
It’s best to avoid trigger situations that make you feel powerless, but at some point, you need to confront the situations that caused your negative behaviors.
You need a chance to practice distancing yourself from old behavior patterns and testing out your newly acquired coping mechanisms.
Start small and in scenarios where you feel you have some control.
