Narcissists make it easy to love them at first. However, the challenges of leaving them come.
I often refer to the baby catcher in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang:
The lure and promise of sweetness before they lock you in and throw away the key. (Yes, this can have an emotional meaning too!)
Narcissists want you to stay with them and be miserable forever. There are reasons why they make it so hard to leave them.
Related :What to Say to a Narcissist to Shut Them Down
I bet you haven’t thought of them yet…
1 Finances – A Major Red Flag
Money is one of the main reasons why those in a narcissistic relationship are afraid to leave. Narcissists make their spouses afraid of money in a number of different ways.
Take Your Financial Freedom Away
Narcissists can change your mind about your job if you have one. They will slowly manipulate you into cutting back on your hours, or convince you to quit altogether.
Their ultimate goal is simple – they want you to be financially dependent on them. They want to be your source of income (so they can also complain about how much work they have to do and provide for you).
It’s not wrong for them to also make you unaware of how things work. Bills being paid, any taxes or insurance – they intentionally shield you from that to keep you unaware.
MakeYouAfraidToSpend
The fear of spending any money you earn can be terrible.
You need to cut back on grocery shopping – you’re spending too much. (This is usually followed by, “Why is there nothing in the pantry?”)
I went shopping for clothes? Do you think I’m working to “keep you going?”…
It’s always going to be so guilt-ridden that you feel bad about spending anything. In the end, you don’t care at all. When relationships end, people can become afraid to spend money.
Related : Things That Make Narcissists Lose Their Mind
Unfortunately, many people often feel that it’s better to stay unhappy than to stay unhappy and afraid to be alone.
2 They strip you of all confidence
You know the phrases:
It’s impossible to love most of the time.
I don’t know how to stand you.
You eat too much—watch your calorie intake.
That sweater/top/dress/hat doesn’t fit you at all.
I don’t want you to come with me. I’m going alone.
I really don’t like the chili you’re making.
I mean, I could write a thousand examples of the ways narcissists make their victims feel small. Sad. Low. Just not good enough in general.
They do it to make themselves feel good, but also, in a rather dark way:
They do it to keep you from leaving.
Not having the confidence to do something this big will keep you with them forever (because they’ll never leave you).
3 They make you think no one else will want you
Do you really think anyone else will want you?
I’m doing you a favor by not ending this. Otherwise you would be sad, pathetic and lonely.
You are lucky to have me. You are lucky that I will stay with you.
Related : 10 Things that Trigger Narcissists
These are horrible things to say to someone you are supposed to love. Anytime you hear anything remotely similar – know that it is abusive – just like anything else they say or do.
Narcissists are masters at convincing you that you are not worthy enough for another partner – ever. The way they convince you that no one will look your way if things end is a way to make sure that you are too afraid to leave them.
It is horrible – and I cannot stress that enough.
It breaks a person’s heart. It tears their soul apart and leaves a terrible void where it once was.
4 You are isolated – who do you call?
They will cut you off by spreading lies or gossip. They will convince you that you are too good for your family. They may even express contempt for them because they “don’t bother you.”
This is all a plan to cut you off from the people who truly care about you.
As you can see, a narcissist’s biggest fear is that you will leave them first. If you have people to talk to, you may be convinced to withdraw and leave.
Without a loving, dependable person, they can protect you from your reality and keep you under their toxic influence.
5 The False Comfort Zone
Comfort zones are overrated. In fact, they are not good places to be, especially if you want to grow and continue to love yourself.
Fear trumps much in life, so if a narcissist is creating the idea of a comfort zone – know this:
Living in fear can become a comfortable normality that you have to escape.
Narcissists trick you into thinking your dynamics are normal, but there is no such thing as normality. There is no such thing as comfort where the narcissist stays.
Related : What to Say to a Narcissist to Shut Them Down
It’s a trick. True comfort comes from taking risks and letting go of what doesn’t serve you.
6 You’re Afraid of the Consequences
What will people say if I leave?
Will others think badly of me for getting out of the relationship?
Will the narcissist say or do anything that will make this difficult for me?
I know how they can be when they’re angry. I don’t want the hassle.
It’s easier if you stay…
It’s natural to wonder what will happen after the breakup.
I’ll let you in on a little secret (free of charge, of course)…
Staying with a narcissist is much scarier than breaking free, dealing with the consequences, and moving on.
I know. I know, it’s easy for me to say. When you look in from the outside, the advice may seem “too simple.”
Oh, when you look from the outside in, it’s also clear how toxic narcissistic relationships are.
If your ultimate goal is to get better, don’t stay in the same environment that made you sick.
7 Enjoy the positive moments
This is the worst part of any abusive relationship.
The negative moments hurt.
The positive moments are joyful.
Some might say they’re addicted…
Don’t be someone who settles for all the abuse and toxicity just because you have one perfect day out of every 30 days.
It’s not enough to make everything better.
8 You Fear the Unknown – and Assuming Change Is Terrible
Change is scary – I get it. Many of us resist it because we don’t know what will be different.
Ask yourself this – could it be worse?
The truth belongs to everyone, not just me.
No. It can’t be.
The unknown is a gift. It’s a blank page that you have the power to write on.
Why?
Because you hold the pen.
