When you have a narcissist in your life, they don’t always make things easy.

Whether it’s a coworker, family member, or neighbor, they often stir up conflict, making it difficult to get along with them.

You’re probably wondering what you can do to avoid these fights. After all, you rarely seem to be the one to start them.

Related : 6 Things Narcissist Enablers Say to You

While you can’t control a narcissist, you can make changes to your own behavior to stop a fight in its tracks.

WhatYouCanDoToAvoidFighting

Narcissists are a frustrating bunch, so it can be hard to be the bigger person and end a fight.

However, you’ll find that you’re much happier if you don’t get involved in their chaos and drama.

The strategies below are often helpful for avoiding a fight with a narcissist.

StayCalm

Narcissists love chaos and conflict, because it allows them to assert their dominance. So, they may pick fights just for fun.

The good news is that you don’t have to take the bait. If they say something rude or provocative, just take a deep breath and stay calm.

They’re looking for a reaction from you. Don’t give them one. It will only escalate the fight.

Set firm boundaries

People with narcissistic traits love to test boundaries, and they will violate your boundaries when they’re in a fighting mood. Don’t let them get away with it.

Set firm boundaries about what behavior you will or won’t accept, and stick to them. When a narcissist violates your boundaries, don’t engage them.

They may start calling names, and you’ve told them that you won’t tolerate this behavior. End the conversation and walk away. The fight is over.

LearnTheirTriggers

It’s not hard to figure out who a narcissist is, so if you spend a fair amount of time with one, you’ll get a sense of what triggers them.

Take a look at the patterns you’ve noticed around this person. They may be affected when someone undermines their authority or intelligence, or makes them feel inadequate.

If you have to interact with a narcissist, whether at a family event or a business meeting, avoid heated conversations. Don’t bring up any of their flaws or question what they say about themselves.

Just move on. It’s not worth throwing a tantrum.

PickYourBattle

Any conversation with a narcissist can turn into a fight if you let it. However, you don’t have to fight with them over every comment they make.

Related :How Can I Find Peace After Leaving a Narcissist?

A narcissist is likely to try to provoke you and make you angry. If you act defensively or get angry, a fight will ensue.

This means you don’t have to respond to every sarcastic comment they make. Choose what’s worth fighting for, and move on when it’s not worth fighting for.

Listen and validate what the narcissist says when possible

You may be in a business meeting, and the narcissist is feeling frustrated. They may start talking loudly, making accusations, or just whining out of frustration.

When they become hostile, your first instinct may be to argue with them, telling them why they’re out of line.

This is not a good idea, especially if you want to avoid a fight. Instead of reasoning, simply listen to the narcissist’s concerns.

They’re clearly frustrated about something, and you probably won’t be able to convince them to let it go.

If you offer a listening ear and validate them by saying, “I can understand that this is upsetting to you,” you can reduce your chances of starting a fight.

Limit Your Interactions With Them

It’s not always possible to avoid the narcissist, especially if they’re your boss or a close relative. However, you can limit your interactions with them.

Related : Why Does It Seem the Narcissist Always Wins?

The truth is, the fewer interactions you have with them, the less likely you are to have a major blowup.

If possible, only engage with the narcissist when absolutely necessary. This means talking to them as needed, such as when you’re working on a project together.

At family events, you can simply choose to sit at a different table, or engage in conversations with others. Nothing says you have to have a long conversation with a narcissist, especially if they tend to pick fights.

Avoid making accusations

Narcissists hate being accused of wrongdoing and certainly don’t like to admit faults. So anything that sounds like an accusation is likely to set them off.

This means choosing your words carefully to avoid arguments is important. Don’t use any language that could sound accusatory or confrontational.

It can be helpful to use “I” statements to express whatever you’re feeling, so it sounds like you’re taking responsibility for everything you say, rather than blaming the narcissist.

Remember that you’re dealing with someone with a fragile ego, so you need to treat them kindly, even if they’re not kind to others.

Set realistic expectations

It’s likely that people with narcissistic traits won’t conform to your expected standards of behavior. They simply won’t be caring and kind, and if you expect that from them, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment.

Many fights with narcissists arise because we expect them to behave a certain way, and we get angry when they don’t. Instead of starting fights when a narcissist doesn’t behave well, approach them with a degree of acceptance.

Related : Why Am I So Terrified I Am the Narcissist?

This means acknowledging that the narcissist is likely to exhibit some traits that are annoying, upsetting, and rude. You don’t have to fight them about it; acknowledge that this is just who they are.

GivePraiseWhenYouCan

As hard as it may be for narcissists, they are human. They have strengths and weaknesses and need praise just like anyone else.

For narcissists, praise and admiration are actually the fuel that keeps them going. So, if you can offer a compliment, give it to them.

It may seem unnatural to compliment someone who can be arrogant and rude, but if it makes your interactions with them more enjoyable, it may be worth it.

At the very least, a word of praise will put them in a good mood, making them less likely to display bad behavior. This reduces the likelihood of conflict.

Seek Outside Support

Dealing with a narcissist on a regular basis can be difficult. Maybe a close family member is a narcissist, or you’re dealing with a narcissist at work who you can’t avoid.

If you’re having trouble getting along, consider seeking outside support. A counselor or therapist can help you practice healthy, assertive communication and develop strategies for avoiding conflict.

Remember, if you’re struggling with a narcissist, there’s nothing wrong with you. This is a difficult personality type, and many people have sought advice on how to deal with a narcissist.