You’re in a sorry state, upset by the treatment you’ve received from a narcissist. You’ve never felt this kind of hurt before, and you don’t even know where to begin to pick up the pieces of your life.

If this sounds familiar, you’ve likely been a victim of narcissistic abuse. And if you’re like most victims, you want to know if the narcissist knows how much they’ve hurt you.

You’re clinging to a glimmer of hope, convinced deep down that the narcissist knows what they did wrong and will make an effort to fix what they’ve broken.

Related :How do you defend yourself against a narcissist?

I encourage you not to hold on to false hope, because it will only make matters worse. Below, we’ll delve into why narcissists don’t feel the pain they cause.

Does a Narcissist Know the Pain They Cause?

You probably don’t have time to quibble, so let’s get straight to the point. The narcissist likely doesn’t know how much pain they’ve caused.

If they do, they don’t care how much they’ve hurt you. Their ego is protecting them from admitting the truth of what they’ve done.

Here are the top reasons why they don’t feel your pain.

Lack of Empathy

Perhaps the number one reason why narcissists don’t feel the pain they cause is because they struggle with empathy.

Empathy is a weak muscle in narcissists, and they’re often unwilling to train it. So, you can expect them to struggle to recognize your feelings.

A narcissist is only interested in their own needs and desires, so they don’t take the time to think about how their actions affect you.

This protects them from feeling your pain.

Inability to Take Responsibility

Narcissists are known to struggle to take responsibility for their actions. Beneath their superior, charismatic façade, they’re actually unsure of themselves.

Related : Why is it hard to leave a narcissist?

In order to maintain their fragile ego, narcissists must convince themselves that they’re infallible. Admitting to hurting someone means admitting that they’re not perfect, which can cause their ego to collapse completely.

To avoid this collapse, the narcissist refuses to take responsibility. They can’t possibly think about the fact that they may have caused you pain.

Instead, they will shift the blame onto you, minimize the severity of the harm they caused, or otherwise justify their behavior. This, again, prevents them from realizing the pain they caused.

Self-ManipulationTrends

Narcissists are also experts at self-manipulation. Rather than admitting that they caused you pain, they will use self-manipulation to convince you that you didn’t get hurt in the first place.

Self-manipulation occurs when a narcissist convinces you that you’re imagining things or that you’ve lost your mind. For example, if you mention that they hurt you, they will claim that it never happened.

Or they may tell you that you’re just too sensitive and shouldn’t be upset at all. Either way, they’ll make you question your reality, while avoiding the pain they caused you.

Selfish Tendencies

With a narcissist’s lack of empathy comes selfish tendencies. Narcissists do not have time to think about the experiences or feelings of others, because they are too absorbed in their own interests.

Related :Why are narcissists mean for no reason?

So, they will likely never feel the pain they’ve caused you. The truth is, they’ve inflicted that pain while they’re getting what they want.

As long as narcissists are getting their needs met, they won’t stop to think about how they’ve affected you.

Grandiosity

Narcissists have an intense sense of grandiosity, which means they believe they’re superior to others. Because they feel you’re beneath them, they won’t take the time to think about the pain they’ve caused you.

In their minds, they’re above you, so they don’t care about your pain. Taking the time to think about the pain they’ve caused you means you’re their equal, and they simply can’t see you that way.

Strong Sense of Entitlement

In addition to their other traits, narcissists have a strong sense of entitlement. They believe they have the right to treat you the way they want, as long as they get what they need from you.

If a narcissist is causing you pain in the process of extracting everything they can from you, they won’t particularly care. They will see your pain as a necessary step toward getting their needs met.

If the narcissist recognizes the pain they have caused, they will justify it. After all, they are doing what they have to do to get their needs met.

Projection Tendency

Narcissists are experts at projection, which means they attribute their bad qualities to others. This prevents them from acknowledging the pain they have caused you.

Related : The difference between narcissists and idiots/jerks

Narcissists may be somewhat aware, at least on a preconscious level, that they are causing you pain. However, it is extremely terrifying for them to feel what they have caused you.

So, they will project their own flaws onto you. They may accuse you of being too hurtful or selfish, which makes them feel better.

Ultimately, this prevents them from truly feeling the pain they’ve caused you.

Dealing With Shame

Narcissists tend to be incredibly shy about shame because feeling any sense of shame would threaten the feelings of superiority and grandiosity they maintain to protect themselves.

Really thinking about the pain they cause others can lead to intense feelings of shame in narcissists. Over time, they’ve built up powerful defense mechanisms that prevent them from feeling shame.

These defense mechanisms protect their vulnerable ego and prevent it from being affected by feelings of inferiority.

Related : 5 Things to Expect When You Break Up With The Narcissist

Since they maintain these defense mechanisms as a form of self-preservation, they’re unlikely to ever feel the pain they’ve inflicted on others.

Conclusion

Based on the traits that come with narcissism, narcissists are unlikely to ever recognize the pain they’ve caused you.

Narcissists tend to be selfish and lack empathy, which means they can’t truly understand the pain they’re causing. They can’t truly recognize the impact they have on others or show remorse for their behavior.

If you wait for a narcissist to feel the pain they’ve caused, you’ll likely end up disappointed. They may recognize that their behavior is causing distress to others, but they can’t recognize the severity of the harm they’re inflicting.

The personality traits that come with narcissism simply don’t help you recognize the pain a narcissist causes others.

Based on their own wounds, a narcissist will do everything they can to avoid taking responsibility for their mistakes. They probably wouldn’t be able to feel your pain even if they wanted to, because their defense mechanisms are so strong.

You can’t control how a narcissist feels, but you can control whether you choose to associate with someone who continues to cause you immense pain without any remorse.