Narcissists often delay divorce for a variety of reasons, primarily related to control, image management, and self-interest. Here’s an in-depth look at some of the common reasons narcissists may prolong a divorce process:
1. Control and Manipulation
Narcissists thrive on control, and marriage often provides a built-in structure for exerting power. When divorce is on the table, they lose a measure of control over their partner. By delaying divorce, they can maintain a sense of dominance, dragging out the separation to keep their spouse emotionally and mentally involved in their web of influence. This tactic allows them to retain control over decisions, finances, or parenting matters.
2. Financial Gain
Divorce can come with financial losses, which many narcissists view as a direct threat to their power and resources. By delaying the process, they may find ways to continue to benefit financially, whether through access to shared assets, avoidance of alimony payments, or manipulating the terms of a settlement. Prolonging the proceedings can also enable them to hide or transfer assets, ensuring they maintain financial security at the expense of their spouse.
Related : Why Do Narcissists Have Such Low Self-Esteem?
3. Fear of Public Image Damage
Narcissists are often highly invested in how others perceive them. Divorce can damage the image they’ve crafted, particularly if they fear being blamed or exposed for behavior that might be judged poorly by others. By delaying the process, they might try to control the narrative, convincing others (and sometimes even themselves) that they are the victims, or they are doing everything they can to keep the marriage together.
4. Emotional Power Over Their Partner
Narcissists often crave validation and control, and one way to achieve this is by keeping their partner attached to them emotionally. By delaying the divorce, they maintain a psychological hold, using moments of kindness or promises of reconciliation to confuse or manipulate their partner. This approach prolongs their emotional control, as their spouse may feel trapped in a cycle of hope and disappointment.
5. Reluctance to Lose a ‘Possession’
To many narcissists, their spouse may represent a possession, an extension of their own identity. Divorce can feel like losing something they “own” or control, which is intolerable for many narcissists. By delaying divorce, they avoid facing the reality of losing this part of their identity, which might also be deeply tied to their self-worth and ego.
6. Desire to Punish the Spouse
A narcissist might view divorce as an insult to their self-esteem and a personal betrayal. To “punish” their spouse, they may delay the process as a means of enacting revenge. This delay becomes a way to make their spouse “pay” for choosing to leave and is often marked by legal roadblocks, custody battles, or financial entanglements designed to prolong stress and difficulty.
Related : Why Do Narcissists Create Conflict?
7. Avoidance of Accountability
Narcissists are often reluctant to take responsibility for their actions, particularly if the marriage ended due to their own behavior. By delaying the divorce, they can avoid facing accountability, projecting the blame onto their spouse instead. Prolonging the process allows them to sidestep responsibility and rewrite the narrative to fit their own sense of superiority and innocence.
Conclusion
Narcissists delay divorce not because of genuine affection or desire to reconcile, but rather to maintain control, image, and emotional power over their spouse. For individuals divorcing a narcissist, understanding these motivations can provide a clearer path forward, often with the help of legal counsel and emotional support to counter the tactics narcissists employ.
