Narcissists are known for their outward charm, confidence, and manipulative behavior in social settings. However, when they are alone or think no one is watching, their true selves often come to the surface. The facade they present to the world hides deep insecurities and a fragile ego that requires constant reinforcement. Understanding what narcissists do in their private moments can offer insight into their complex and often troubling behavior. Here are 10 things narcissists typically do when they are alone or when nobody is looking.
1. Engage in Self-Admiration
Narcissists crave admiration and validation, and when they’re alone, they often indulge in their vanity. This could involve obsessively looking at themselves in the mirror, taking multiple selfies, or scrolling through old photos of themselves. They may fantasize about being admired by others or being in positions of power. This self-obsession helps feed their inflated sense of self-importance.
2. Seek Validation on Social Media
Even when alone, narcissists still need an audience. They often turn to social media, posting pictures, quotes, or achievements in an attempt to gather likes, comments, and attention. They might also scroll through the social media profiles of others, feeling envious or superior based on comparisons. Social media is a tool they use to maintain their image and receive the constant validation they require, even when physically isolated.
3. Fantasize About Power and Success
Narcissists often have grandiose fantasies when they are alone. These fantasies might include being adored by millions, wielding power over others, or achieving incredible success. They envision themselves in scenarios where they are the center of attention, admired, and respected by all. These daydreams serve as a way to escape the reality of their insecurity and feed their ego.
4. Obsess Over Criticism
Despite their outward confidence, narcissists are extremely sensitive to criticism. When alone, they may ruminate over any slight or perceived insult, no matter how minor. They replay conversations in their minds, obsessing over how they were wronged or not given the attention they deserved. This internalization of criticism fuels their anger and resentment, often leading to plans for revenge or ways to “prove” their superiority.
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5. Plot Manipulation
When nobody is watching, narcissists often strategize how to manipulate those around them. They may think of new ways to control or deceive others, whether it’s through emotional manipulation, lying, or other tactics. Their plans may involve gaining more attention, maintaining power in relationships, or getting something they want at the expense of others.
6. Indulge in Secret Behaviors
Narcissists often engage in secretive behaviors that contradict their public image. This could include substance abuse, cheating, gambling, or other activities they wouldn’t want others to know about. These behaviors give them a sense of power and control, while their secrecy helps them maintain their outward appearance of perfection. Narcissists may feel entitled to these secret indulgences, justifying them as deserved privileges.
7. Feel Emptiness and Boredom
Despite their need for constant stimulation and admiration, narcissists often feel a deep sense of emptiness when they are alone. Without an audience or someone to manipulate, they may experience boredom and emotional emptiness. This feeling is the result of their inability to connect with others in a meaningful way. To combat this, they may quickly seek out distractions like excessive phone use, binge-watching, or reaching out to people to regain attention.
8. Rage at Their Inadequacies
Behind their grandiose exterior, narcissists often feel inadequate and insecure. When alone, these feelings can surface in the form of rage or frustration. They might lash out verbally, throw objects, or become overwhelmed with anger when faced with their own shortcomings. This hidden anger is often directed inward, as narcissists cannot tolerate the thought of being anything less than perfect.
9. Complain About Being Misunderstood
Narcissists tend to see themselves as victims, especially when their needs or desires aren’t met. In their alone time, they may replay scenarios where they feel they were wronged or unappreciated, reinforcing their belief that no one truly understands them. They will justify their negative actions or behaviors by framing themselves as misunderstood geniuses or martyrs who are unfairly treated by others.
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10. Monitor Their Competition
Even in private, narcissists are highly competitive and constantly compare themselves to others. They may spend their alone time keeping tabs on rivals, whether it’s colleagues, friends, or family members. They might check social media, gossip, or gather information about what others are doing to ensure they remain superior in their minds. This constant monitoring reinforces their sense of competition and fuels their need to stay on top.
Conclusion
Narcissists are driven by a fragile ego and an insatiable need for validation, even when nobody is around to witness their behavior. In private, they may engage in self-obsession, plot manipulation, or indulge in secret activities that contradict their public persona. At the same time, they often feel empty, insecure, and bored without an audience to provide the attention they crave. Understanding these private behaviors reveals the deep insecurity and emotional turbulence that narcissists try so hard to hide from the outside world. By recognizing these patterns, you can better protect yourself from their manipulative tendencies, both in public and behind closed doors.
