Dealing with a narcissist can feel like stepping into a bizarre and confusing world. Their behaviors often seem erratic, contradictory, and downright nonsensical, leaving their victims baffled. Narcissists operate in a way that reflects their deep-seated need for control, admiration, and superiority. However, many of their actions defy logic because they are driven by emotions and insecurities they hide behind a mask of confidence.
In this article, we’ll explore seven things narcissists do that make no sense at first glance, helping you understand their perplexing behavior.
1. Contradicting Themselves Frequently
The Behavior:
Narcissists are known for constantly contradicting themselves. One moment, they’ll claim to be an expert in a particular area, and the next, they’ll dismiss that very same field as unimportant. They may preach certain values—like loyalty or honesty—yet violate those principles themselves without hesitation. This leaves those around them confused, wondering if the narcissist ever means what they say.
Why It Makes No Sense:
For most people, consistency in beliefs and actions is a core part of maintaining credibility. Narcissists, however, are driven by their immediate desires. They’ll say or do anything to get what they want at the moment, regardless of whether it contradicts their previous statements. Logic and consistency don’t matter to them as long as their immediate goals—such as receiving praise or avoiding responsibility—are met.
2. Acting Like the Victim While Being the Aggressor
The Behavior:
Narcissists have a remarkable ability to twist situations so that they appear to be the victim, even when they are clearly the aggressor. If they hurt someone, they’ll find a way to turn the situation around and make it seem like they were the one wronged. They may say things like, “You’re overreacting,” or “I was only trying to help,” even if their behavior was intentionally harmful.
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Why It Makes No Sense:
Most people recognize the difference between right and wrong, especially when they’ve caused harm. But narcissists refuse to take responsibility for their actions. By playing the victim, they avoid accountability and manipulate others into feeling guilty for calling out their bad behavior. This tactic helps them maintain control over others while deflecting any criticism aimed at them.
3. Idealizing and Then Devaluing Others
The Behavior:
In the beginning stages of a relationship, narcissists often shower the other person with excessive praise, affection, and attention. This is known as “love-bombing.” They’ll put their partner on a pedestal, making them feel like they’re the most important person in the world. But over time, the narcissist’s behavior shifts dramatically. They start to criticize, belittle, and devalue the very person they once idealized.
Why It Makes No Sense:
This extreme shift from idealization to devaluation is confusing and painful for the victim. How can someone go from worshiping you to tearing you down? The answer lies in the narcissist’s need to maintain control. During the idealization phase, they’re securing your admiration and trust. Once they feel they’ve gained enough power in the relationship, they switch to devaluation to keep you off balance, dependent on their approval, and desperate to return to the “ideal” phase.
4. Overreacting to Minor Criticism
The Behavior:
Narcissists are extremely sensitive to even the smallest criticism. A seemingly innocuous remark—like suggesting an improvement or disagreeing with their opinion—can trigger an intense, disproportionate reaction. They may lash out in anger, give you the silent treatment, or seek revenge for what they perceive as a deep insult.
Why It Makes No Sense:
It’s normal to feel slightly defensive when criticized, but narcissists take it to an extreme because their self-esteem is built on a fragile, inflated sense of superiority. Any form of criticism threatens to puncture the illusion of perfection they’ve created for themselves. Instead of processing the feedback constructively, they overreact to protect their ego, often leaving their critics confused and hurt.
5. Seeking Constant Praise While Dismissing Others
The Behavior:
Narcissists crave constant admiration and praise from others. They’ll go out of their way to fish for compliments, highlight their accomplishments, and ensure the spotlight is always on them. At the same time, they’ll dismiss or downplay the successes of those around them. They may respond to someone’s achievement with a backhanded compliment or subtly shift the conversation back to themselves.
Why It Makes No Sense:
Most people enjoy receiving praise, but they also appreciate and celebrate the success of others. Narcissists, however, view other people’s accomplishments as a threat to their own superiority. They can’t stand the idea of someone else being praised or admired, so they either downplay it or find ways to diminish the other person’s success. Their constant need for validation, paired with their inability to offer it to others, creates a confusing dynamic for those around them.
6. Punishing You for Their Mistakes
The Behavior:
Narcissists have a tendency to project their mistakes, flaws, and insecurities onto others. If something goes wrong in their life, they’ll find a way to blame those around them, particularly those closest to them. They may accuse you of being the reason for their failures or shortcomings, even when it’s clear that they were at fault.
Why It Makes No Sense:
In most relationships, when someone makes a mistake, they acknowledge it and work toward a resolution. Narcissists, however, refuse to accept responsibility for their errors. They see admitting fault as a sign of weakness and will instead deflect the blame onto others. This allows them to preserve their image of infallibility while causing confusion and frustration for those around them, who are left wondering why they’re being punished for something they didn’t do.
7. Acting Like They Don’t Care (But Really Do)
The Behavior:
Narcissists often put on a facade of indifference, especially when they sense that someone is pulling away or losing interest. They may act as though they don’t care about you, your feelings, or your opinions. However, underneath this indifference is often a deep fear of rejection or abandonment. This contradiction—appearing cold and uncaring while secretly craving attention—can leave others confused about where they stand.
Related : Why Do Narcissists Like to See You Sad?
Why It Makes No Sense:
Most people who care about someone show it through their actions. Narcissists, however, operate differently. Their aloofness is often a defense mechanism designed to protect their ego from the possibility of rejection. By acting as though they don’t care, they maintain the upper hand in relationships and prevent others from getting too close. This behavior can be especially confusing in romantic relationships, where their hot-and-cold attitude keeps their partners on edge.
Conclusion: Making Sense of the Nonsensical
The behaviors of narcissists often make little sense to those around them because they’re driven by emotional needs that most people don’t fully understand. Narcissists operate in a world where control, superiority, and admiration take precedence over logic, empathy, and consistency. Recognizing these behaviors for what they are—manipulation tactics—can help you make sense of the confusion and protect yourself from the emotional turmoil they create.
