Narcissists are known for playing emotional and psychological games in relationships, often leaving their partners feeling confused, manipulated, and hurt. These games serve specific purposes that align with the narcissist’s need for control, validation, and power. Understanding why narcissists engage in these behaviors can offer insight into their motivations and help you protect yourself from their manipulations.
1. Control and Power: The Narcissist’s Main Objective
At the core of a narcissist’s behavior is the desire to maintain control over others. Narcissists thrive on feeling superior, and one of the most effective ways they achieve this is by manipulating those around them. These “games” often involve tactics like gaslighting, emotional withholding, or love-bombing, all designed to destabilize the other person.
By keeping you off balance—alternating between affection and indifference—the narcissist gains power over your emotions. They want you to be constantly seeking their approval, unsure of where you stand, and thus more susceptible to their influence. This control feeds their ego and reinforces their sense of dominance in the relationship.
2. Validation and Ego Boost: The Narcissist’s Never-Ending Hunger
Narcissists have an insatiable need for validation. Their sense of self-worth is fragile, despite the confident and often grandiose persona they project. Because of this, they seek constant admiration and reassurance from others, and playing mind games is a way for them to extract these ego boosts.
For example, a narcissist might shower you with attention, affection, and compliments (love-bombing), making you feel incredibly special. But soon after, they may pull away, become distant, or even criticize you. This sudden shift in behavior makes you work harder to regain their affection, which provides them with a sense of control and feeds their ego. It’s a cycle designed to keep you hooked, while constantly feeding their need for admiration.
3. Dehumanization: The Narcissist’s Lack of Empathy
One of the most challenging aspects of dealing with a narcissist is their lack of empathy. Narcissists often see other people as objects to be used for their personal gain, rather than as individuals with their own emotions, needs, and desires. This dehumanization allows them to engage in manipulative games without feeling guilty or remorseful.
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Because they lack emotional depth, they don’t fully understand or care about the hurt their games cause. What matters to them is that they get what they want—whether it’s attention, admiration, or control. By treating people as pawns in their game, they can easily discard relationships when they’re no longer useful or when their needs aren’t being met.
Conclusion
Narcissists play games in relationships as a means of gaining control, seeking validation, and maintaining their fragile egos. These manipulative tactics allow them to dominate others emotionally while avoiding responsibility for the pain they cause. If you’re dealing with a narcissist, it’s essential to recognize these patterns and set firm boundaries to protect yourself from their toxic behavior. Understanding their motivations helps you resist their manipulations and prioritize your own well-being.
