Narcissists often have clear expectations about how others should react to their toxic behavior, shaped by their need for control, validation, and dominance. They use manipulation to evoke specific responses, and when you deviate from these expectations, they may escalate their behavior to regain control. Here’s how narcissists expect you to react to their toxic actions:
1. Validation of Their Superiority
Narcissists thrive on admiration and a sense of superiority. When they exhibit toxic behavior—such as belittling or demeaning you—they expect you to:
- Submit and agree with them: They want you to acknowledge their perceived superiority by agreeing with their point of view or going along with their demands.
- Praise or compliment them: Even after toxic behavior, narcissists expect you to offer admiration and validation of their intelligence, charm, or success.
When you validate them, you reinforce their sense of entitlement, allowing them to maintain control in the relationship.
2. Compliance Without Question
Narcissists demand compliance with little or no resistance. They expect you to:
- Follow their rules: Narcissists often impose arbitrary rules or boundaries that benefit them. They want you to accept these without question.
- Avoid confrontation: They expect you to avoid challenging them, even when they’re being unreasonable or unfair.
Any challenge to their authority can be seen as a threat, leading to anger or punishment, as they expect obedience and submission from others.
3. Blaming Yourself for Their Behavior
Narcissists frequently shift the blame for their actions onto others. After engaging in toxic behavior, they expect you to:
- Accept responsibility: They want you to believe that their toxic behavior is your fault. If they yell at you or mistreat you, they expect you to apologize for “provoking” them.
- Feel guilty: Narcissists aim to make you feel guilty about your actions or perceived shortcomings, deflecting attention away from their own behavior.
By internalizing the blame, you are more likely to tolerate their abusive actions, allowing them to continue unchecked.
4. Emotional Reactivity
Narcissists enjoy eliciting strong emotional reactions from their victims, as it gives them a sense of control over your emotions. They expect you to:
- React emotionally: They want you to become upset, angry, or defensive. This allows them to play the victim or accuse you of overreacting, thus justifying their toxic behavior.
- Seek their approval: If they criticize or insult you, they expect you to seek their approval by changing your behavior, apologizing, or trying harder to please them.
Emotional outbursts provide them with the attention and drama they crave, further feeding their need for control.
5. Forgiveness and Forgetting
After episodes of toxicity, narcissists expect you to:
- Forgive quickly: They expect you to move on from their hurtful actions without holding them accountable. They often apologize insincerely or use charm to smooth things over temporarily.
- Forget the incident: Narcissists want you to forget their toxic behavior and act as if nothing happened. If you bring up their past actions, they may accuse you of holding grudges or being overly sensitive.
This expectation ensures that they can continue their harmful patterns without consequence.
6. Empathy for Their “Struggles”
Narcissists often play the victim when confronted with their own behavior. They expect you to:
- Show empathy: They want you to focus on their feelings, claiming that their behavior stems from stress, past trauma, or external factors.
- Excuse their actions: By presenting themselves as misunderstood or burdened, they expect you to excuse their toxic behavior and offer sympathy.
This deflection shifts the focus away from their harmful actions, keeping you emotionally invested in their well-being while ignoring your own.
7. Reinforcing Their Control
Narcissists constantly seek ways to reassert their dominance in relationships. They expect you to:
- Accept their control: Whether through manipulation, emotional abuse, or gaslighting, narcissists expect you to remain under their influence and avoid questioning their authority.
- Depend on them: They want you to feel dependent on them emotionally or materially. By isolating you or undermining your self-esteem, narcissists expect you to rely on them for validation and support.
They thrive on maintaining power and control, often punishing any sign of independence or resistance.
8. Fear of Repercussions
Narcissists often rely on fear tactics to manipulate those around them. They expect you to:
- Fear their anger or withdrawal: They may use rage, silent treatment, or threats to instill fear and ensure compliance.
- Avoid triggering them: Narcissists expect you to be careful with your words and actions, tiptoeing around their volatile emotions to avoid conflict.
This expectation forces you to live in a state of hypervigilance, constantly trying to avoid upsetting them.
Final Thoughts
Narcissists expect reactions that reinforce their sense of superiority, control, and entitlement. They manipulate others into validating their behavior, accepting blame, and remaining emotionally reactive. Understanding these expectations can help you break free from the narcissist’s toxic cycle and regain control over your own emotions and responses.
