Dealing with a narcissist can be emotionally exhausting and confusing. While it’s tempting to handle their behavior in ways that feel natural, certain approaches can make things worse. Narcissists thrive on control, manipulation, and attention, so reacting in certain ways only feeds their toxic patterns. Here are the worst ways to deal with a narcissist and why these approaches backfire.
Part 1: Trying to Change or Fix Them
- Believing You Can Change Them
One of the biggest mistakes people make when dealing with a narcissist is thinking they can change or “fix” them. Narcissists lack the self-awareness to recognize their destructive behavior, and their inflated sense of superiority prevents them from acknowledging faults. Trying to change them only leads to frustration for you, as they will resist your efforts and may even lash out or manipulate you further.Narcissism is deeply ingrained and requires extensive therapy, something that narcissists rarely pursue willingly. Believing you can save them is an emotional trap that leaves you feeling drained and disappointed. - Providing Constant Validation
Narcissists are constantly seeking validation to feed their fragile egos. One of the worst ways to deal with them is to provide this validation whenever they demand it. Doing so reinforces their behavior and makes them more dependent on your approval. By consistently praising them or giving in to their need for attention, you’re enabling their narcissism, making it harder to set boundaries later on.
Part 2: Engaging in Power Struggles or Emotional Battles
- Arguing or Trying to Prove Them Wrong
Arguing with a narcissist is a losing battle. Narcissists are skilled at twisting facts, denying reality, and gaslighting those around them. They will never admit they are wrong, and even if you present clear evidence, they will deflect, shift blame, or change the subject to protect their ego. Engaging in these arguments only escalates the conflict and leaves you feeling frustrated and emotionally drained.Instead of getting trapped in endless debates, it’s better to disengage or set firm boundaries without getting sucked into their games. - Reacting with Anger or Emotional Outbursts
Narcissists thrive on emotional reactions, as it gives them a sense of power and control. Reacting with anger, tears, or frustration can fuel their behavior, as they interpret your strong emotional response as a sign that they have control over you. While it’s natural to feel upset when dealing with a narcissist, emotional outbursts will only make them feel more powerful.The best way to handle a narcissist is to remain as calm and composed as possible. Refusing to give them the emotional reaction they crave weakens their control over the situation.
Part 3: Trying to Appeal to Their Empathy
- Expecting Them to Understand Your Feelings
Narcissists are notorious for their lack of empathy. They are unable to truly understand or care about the feelings of others, as their primary focus is on their own needs and desires. Trying to explain your emotions to a narcissist in the hope that they will understand and change their behavior is often futile. They may pretend to listen or feign concern, but their actions are unlikely to change.Instead of appealing to their empathy, it’s more effective to set clear boundaries and distance yourself emotionally from their behavior. - Seeking Apologies or Accountability
Another mistake when dealing with a narcissist is expecting them to take responsibility for their actions. Narcissists rarely apologize, and if they do, it’s often insincere or manipulative. They view admitting fault as a weakness, and they will go to great lengths to avoid being held accountable. By seeking apologies or accountability, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment.The healthier approach is to accept that they are unlikely to change and to focus on protecting your own emotional well-being rather than waiting for their acknowledgment or remorse.
Part 4: Feeding Into Their Need for Control
- Letting Them Control the Narrative
Narcissists are experts at controlling the narrative, whether in personal relationships or social circles. They will often distort the truth, spread misinformation, or manipulate others into seeing things their way. One of the worst ways to deal with a narcissist is to let them control how the story is told, whether it’s about an argument, your relationship, or their behavior.To protect yourself, it’s important to be clear and consistent in your own communication, especially with others who may be involved. Don’t let the narcissist dictate how things are perceived, especially if it distorts reality in their favor. - Engaging in Their Mind Games
Narcissists thrive on manipulation and mind games, often using tactics like gaslighting, guilt-tripping, or creating chaos to keep you off balance. If you engage in these games, you are playing right into their hands. Trying to outsmart or “win” against a narcissist is nearly impossible, as they will always twist things to their advantage.The best approach is to disengage from their manipulative tactics and refuse to participate in the drama they create.
Part 5: Sacrificing Your Own Boundaries
- Over-Explaining Yourself
Narcissists often make you feel like you need to justify your actions, thoughts, or feelings, which leads to over-explaining. This behavior gives them more ammunition to manipulate or criticize you. Over-explaining yourself also weakens your position, as narcissists use this information to exploit your vulnerabilities or turn your words against you.Instead of explaining yourself repeatedly, it’s better to be firm and concise in your communication. Set boundaries without feeling the need to over-justify them. - Allowing Them to Break Your Boundaries
One of the worst mistakes when dealing with a narcissist is allowing them to break your boundaries. Narcissists will often test your limits, pushing to see how much control they can exert. If you fail to enforce your boundaries, they will continue to push further, eroding your sense of autonomy and self-worth.
To protect yourself, it’s crucial to set clear, non-negotiable boundaries and to consistently enforce them. Narcissists will resist, but standing firm is the only way to maintain your emotional health.
Part 6: Hoping for Closure
- Expecting Closure from the Narcissist
Seeking closure from a narcissist is often an exercise in futility. Narcissists rarely offer the emotional resolution you need because they are not interested in understanding or acknowledging your perspective. Even if the relationship ends, they may leave you feeling confused, blamed, or abandoned without any sense of closure.
Instead of waiting for closure from the narcissist, focus on finding your own resolution. Accepting that they are incapable of providing genuine closure allows you to move on and heal without their involvement.
Conclusion: Protecting Yourself from Narcissistic Harm
The worst ways to deal with narcissists often involve trying to change them, giving them control, or sacrificing your own boundaries. Understanding their behavior and focusing on self-protection is key to maintaining your emotional well-being. Setting firm boundaries, refusing to engage in their manipulative tactics, and recognizing their limitations are essential steps in preserving your own sense of self and preventing further harm.
