Can Narcissists EVER Feel Empathy?

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person. It is a fundamental aspect of human relationships, allowing people to connect emotionally and provide support. When discussing narcissists, the question of whether they can ever truly feel empathy arises frequently. Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is characterized by a lack of empathy, self-centered behavior, and a deep need for admiration, but does this mean all narcissists are incapable of empathy? The answer lies in understanding the complexities of both narcissism and empathy.

Understanding Narcissism

Narcissists, particularly those with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, exhibit several traits that make empathy seem foreign or even unnecessary to them:

Excessive self-focus: Narcissists are deeply concerned with their own image, needs, and desires. Their inflated sense of self-importance makes it difficult for them to consider the feelings of others.
Superficial relationships: Many of their relationships are transactional. Narcissists often interact with others in a way that benefits them, whether it’s for status, admiration, or control.
Lack of vulnerability: Empathy often requires vulnerability and emotional openness, something narcissists struggle with due to their underlying insecurity and need for control.

These traits certainly make empathy challenging for narcissists, but the concept of empathy itself has multiple layers.

Cognitive vs. Affective Empathy

To understand whether narcissists can feel empathy, it’s crucial to distinguish between two types of empathy:

Cognitive Empathy: This is the intellectual understanding of another person’s feelings or perspective. It doesn’t involve experiencing or sharing the emotions but rather recognizing them logically.
Affective Empathy: This is the ability to actually feel what someone else is feeling on an emotional level, sharing in their joy, pain, or fear.

Narcissists, particularly those with grandiose or overt narcissism, can exhibit cognitive empathy. They can understand how others feel because this helps them manipulate, charm, or exploit people for personal gain. However, affective empathy—the deep emotional connection—is typically absent. Narcissists often struggle to truly care about others’ emotional experiences unless those emotions directly benefit them.

The Empathy Deficit: Can It Be Overcome?

While it’s clear that narcissists generally lack affective empathy, the question remains: can they ever develop it?

Self-Awareness and Therapy: Some individuals with narcissistic traits or NPD seek therapy, either because their relationships are suffering or due to other life difficulties. In therapeutic settings, it’s possible for a narcissist to begin recognizing the harm they’ve caused others and, in some cases, develop greater empathy. However, this is challenging because narcissists often resist introspection. Therapy focused on increasing emotional intelligence, like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) or Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), can help narcissists become more attuned to others’ emotions, though affective empathy may remain limited.
Maladaptive vs. Adaptive Narcissism: Not all narcissists are the same. Those with adaptive narcissism—who possess narcissistic traits but without the full-blown disorder—can exhibit empathy, especially cognitive empathy, in contexts where they are highly motivated to maintain relationships or succeed in social situations. This type of narcissist might be capable of demonstrating more empathy over time if personal growth becomes a priority.
Conditional Empathy: In some cases, narcissists may exhibit empathy when they perceive it as beneficial to their own image or relationships. For example, they may show empathy toward someone they admire or from whom they can gain something, but their empathy is often conditional and not driven by genuine emotional concern.

Types of Narcissism and Empathy

It’s also important to consider the type of narcissism at play:

Grandiose Narcissists: These individuals are overtly confident and crave admiration. Their lack of empathy often stems from their excessive self-focus and belief that they are superior to others. They may display cognitive empathy when it suits their purposes, but rarely affective empathy.
Vulnerable Narcissists: These narcissists may present as shy or insecure. While they crave validation, they also feel easily threatened by criticism. In some cases, vulnerable narcissists may be more likely to express empathy, especially cognitive empathy, as a means to gain approval or avoid conflict. However, their deep-seated insecurity makes affective empathy difficult, as they are too preoccupied with their own emotional needs.

Can a Narcissist Truly Change?

The ability for narcissists to change, develop empathy, and form healthier relationships depends on several factors, including their level of self-awareness, commitment to personal growth, and the severity of their narcissistic traits. Therapy can help, but it requires sustained effort. Narcissists who are motivated to change and improve their interpersonal relationships can develop greater cognitive empathy, which may lead to more positive behaviors. However, the likelihood of them developing full affective empathy is slim, as it requires deep emotional attunement, something that goes against the core nature of narcissistic personality traits.

Conclusion

Narcissists can exhibit some forms of empathy, particularly cognitive empathy, where they understand what others are feeling on an intellectual level. However, true emotional empathy—where they share in the feelings of others—is rare for narcissists, especially those with severe NPD. While change is possible, it often requires intense self-reflection, therapy, and a willingness to confront deeply ingrained patterns of behavior. Ultimately, the answer to whether narcissists can ever feel empathy lies in understanding the complexity of empathy itself and the particular type of narcissism involved.