Cluster B personality disorders, which include narcissistic, borderline, histrionic, and antisocial personality disorders, are characterized by dramatic, emotional, and erratic behaviors. Individuals with these disorders often form intense and sometimes turbulent relationships, particularly with their “favorite people”—those they idolize or feel a deep emotional connection to. The concept of a “favorite person” (FP) is most commonly associated with borderline personality disorder (BPD), but it can also appear in relationships involving other Cluster B personalities. Let’s explore how different Cluster B disorders relate to their favorite people.
What Is a “Favorite Person”?
A “favorite person” is someone whom a person with a Cluster B disorder may become deeply attached to. This relationship can be intense and consuming, with the individual placing their FP on a pedestal and relying on them for emotional validation, support, and a sense of stability. However, these relationships can also be volatile and subject to dramatic shifts due to the emotional instability common in Cluster B disorders.
1. Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and Favorite People
People with BPD often experience extreme emotional highs and lows, and their relationships reflect this intensity. They may idealize their favorite person, believing that this individual is the only one who understands or cares for them. However, this admiration can quickly turn into anger or disappointment if the FP doesn’t meet their emotional needs.
The attachment to an FP in BPD can lead to behaviors such as:
Fear of Abandonment: Individuals with BPD often have an overwhelming fear of being abandoned by their FP. This can lead to clinginess, constant reassurance-seeking, or extreme emotional reactions when they perceive their FP as distant.
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Emotional Dependence: The person with BPD may rely on their FP to regulate their emotions, leading to an unhealthy dynamic where the FP feels responsible for the individual’s well-being.
Splitting: People with BPD can experience “splitting,” where they see their FP as either all good or all bad, with no middle ground. This can lead to abrupt shifts in how they treat and perceive their FP, causing confusion and strain in the relationship.
2. Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and Favorite People
While narcissists often seem self-absorbed and focused on their own needs, they also tend to develop relationships with individuals who serve as a source of admiration and validation. In the case of NPD, the favorite person is typically someone who enhances the narcissist’s image, either by boosting their social status or offering them constant praise.
Narcissists and their favorite people typically experience:
Idealization: The narcissist may initially idealize their FP, seeing them as someone who reflects well on them or fulfills their needs for admiration.
Exploitation: Over time, the narcissist may begin to exploit their FP, using them to meet their own emotional or social needs without providing much in return. The relationship can become one-sided, with the FP constantly giving while the narcissist takes.
Discarding: If the narcissist no longer sees value in their FP or feels threatened by them, they may abruptly discard the person, moving on to someone new who better fits their needs.
3. Histrionic Personality Disorder (HPD) and Favorite People
People with histrionic personality disorder are characterized by a constant need for attention and approval. Their favorite person is often someone who gives them the attention and admiration they crave, fueling their self-esteem and sense of worth.
In HPD relationships, you’ll often see:
Attention-Seeking: The person with HPD may go to great lengths to keep their FP’s attention, engaging in dramatic or emotional behaviors to ensure they remain the center of focus.
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Fluctuating Emotions: Emotions in these relationships can be exaggerated or overblown, with the person with HPD displaying intense affection one moment and emotional outbursts the next, often to maintain their FP’s engagement.
Manipulative Behaviors: Like in NPD, the person with HPD may manipulate their FP to maintain attention and control in the relationship, sometimes playing the victim to elicit sympathy or care.
4. Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD) and Favorite People
People with antisocial personality disorder often struggle with forming deep emotional connections. However, they may identify someone as their favorite person if that individual is useful to them in achieving their goals or manipulating others.
Key dynamics in ASPD relationships include:
Manipulation for Gain: The individual with ASPD may view their FP as a tool to be used for personal gain, whether that’s financial, social, or emotional. They may charm or deceive their FP to achieve their own objectives.
Lack of Empathy: Unlike other Cluster B disorders, people with ASPD typically lack empathy and do not form emotional bonds in the same way. Their FP is likely to be used strategically rather than loved or cared for deeply.
Disregard for Boundaries: The person with ASPD may push the boundaries of their FP, testing limits and using their relationship to further their own agenda without regard for the FP’s well-being.
The Impact of Being a Favorite Person
Being a favorite person to someone with a Cluster B disorder can be both rewarding and exhausting. The intensity of the relationship can feel flattering at first, but over time, it often becomes overwhelming. The FP may feel burdened by the constant emotional needs, mood swings, or manipulative tactics. In some cases, they may become enablers, afraid to set boundaries for fear of triggering an emotional outburst or being discarded.
How to Navigate Relationships with Cluster B Individuals
If you find yourself in a relationship with someone who exhibits Cluster B traits and has made you their favorite person, it’s important to:
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Set Boundaries: Establish clear boundaries to protect your emotional health and prevent codependency.
Seek Support: Therapy can help both you and the individual with a Cluster B disorder navigate the complexities of the relationship in a healthier way.
Recognize Patterns: Understanding the patterns of behavior associated with Cluster B disorders can help you manage your expectations and protect yourself from emotional harm.
Conclusion
Cluster B personalities can form intense attachments to their favorite people, creating relationships that are emotionally charged and often difficult to navigate. Whether through idealization, manipulation, or exploitation, these relationships can be both fulfilling and draining for the FP. By recognizing the signs and setting boundaries, you can better manage the complexities of these relationships while maintaining your own emotional health.
