Dealing with a narcissist can be emotionally exhausting and frustrating. Their manipulative behaviors, lack of empathy, and self-centeredness can leave those around them feeling hurt, used, and seeking retribution. For some, the idea of seeking revenge or resorting to violence may seem like a tempting way to “teach them a lesson” or get even. However, both violence and revenge are ineffective approaches to dealing with narcissism and may even make matters worse. Here’s why:
1. Narcissists Thrive on Conflict
Narcissists are experts at creating chaos and conflict to maintain control over others. By provoking emotional reactions, they feed their need for attention, even if it’s negative. Revenge, anger, or violence against a narcissist only plays into their hands. Rather than feeling remorse or regret, they will use your actions as further proof of their perceived superiority or victimhood. It fuels their narrative that others are at fault, and they rarely experience guilt or self-reflection in response to conflict.
Related : Why Narcissists and Sociopaths Never Feel Guilt
2. Narcissists Lack Empathy
Narcissists inherently lack the capacity for empathy. They are not capable of truly understanding or caring about the feelings of others, and this extends to those who seek revenge against them. Acts of violence or retribution won’t trigger the same emotional response in a narcissist as they would in a person with empathy. Instead of reflecting on their behavior or feeling the impact of your actions, they are more likely to distance themselves emotionally and rationalize their own behavior as justified.
3. Revenge Reinforces a Toxic Dynamic
Attempting to get revenge against a narcissist keeps you emotionally tied to them and reinforces the toxic cycle they create. Narcissists often thrive in relationships that involve power struggles, manipulation, and control. When you seek revenge, you become part of that dysfunctional dynamic, giving them continued power over your emotions and actions. Instead of breaking free from the harmful relationship, you get pulled deeper into it.
4. Violence Erodes Your Own Integrity
Responding to narcissistic abuse with violence or revenge may offer temporary satisfaction, but it ultimately chips away at your own moral foundation. Engaging in harmful or destructive behavior can lead to feelings of guilt, shame, or regret down the line. Narcissists may walk away from the situation unscathed, but the emotional and psychological toll will remain with you. Taking the high road—choosing not to engage in violence or retaliation—allows you to maintain your self-respect and peace of mind.
5. Revenge Doesn’t Lead to Healing
Revenge might feel like a way to regain control or balance the scales, but it rarely brings the closure or healing that people seek. Narcissistic abuse can leave deep emotional scars, and retaliatory actions only prolong the pain rather than resolve it. True healing comes from setting healthy boundaries, disengaging from the narcissist, and focusing on your own emotional well-being. Revenge can momentarily distract from the pain, but it doesn’t address the root of the issue or bring long-term peace.
6. Narcissists Are Unlikely to Change
It’s important to recognize that narcissists are highly resistant to change. Their sense of superiority, entitlement, and lack of accountability make it unlikely that any external force—whether it’s violence, revenge, or even rational discussion—will lead to meaningful change in their behavior. Narcissism is a deeply ingrained personality disorder, and significant behavioral change is usually only possible with consistent professional intervention. Taking revenge in hopes of making them realize their faults or forcing them to change is unrealistic.
A Better Approach: Protect Yourself and Move On
Rather than seeking revenge or resorting to violence, the most effective way to deal with a narcissist is to protect yourself emotionally and, when possible, physically remove yourself from their influence. Setting clear boundaries, disengaging from their manipulation, and seeking support from therapy or trusted individuals can help you recover from the damage they cause. By focusing on your own healing and well-being, you can regain control of your life without getting caught in their toxic web.
Related : What Narcissists and Borderlines Have in Common and in Opposition
In conclusion, violence and revenge are not solutions to narcissism. They only perpetuate a cycle of toxicity, while failing to address the deeper issues at hand. Narcissists won’t feel guilt or remorse, and revenge is unlikely to bring the healing or resolution that people crave. Instead, by stepping back, setting boundaries, and focusing on your own recovery, you can truly move forward and break free from the destructive influence of a narcissist.
