Narcissists are skilled manipulators who know how to tap into your deepest desires and emotions to get what they want. One of the common tactics they use is “future faking,” which involves making grand promises about a future together in order to trap you emotionally. This manipulation technique can be difficult to recognize, especially in the early stages of a relationship, because it feels hopeful and exciting. Let’s break down what future faking is, how it works, and how to protect yourself from it.
What Is Future Faking?
Future faking is when a narcissist promises a bright and ideal future—whether it’s about marriage, family, travel, or shared dreams—with no intention of following through. These promises are designed to create a false sense of security and to make you invest emotionally in the relationship. They might talk about how you’ll live together, have children, or achieve big goals, all while knowing that these plans are hollow.
Narcissists use future faking to:
Gain control: The promises draw you closer, giving them power over your emotions and decisions.
Manipulate your emotions: By painting a picture of a perfect future, they keep you hopeful, even when reality contradicts these promises.
Keep you hooked: Future faking keeps you tied to the relationship, always waiting for the promises to be fulfilled.
How Narcissists Use Future Faking
The Love Bombing Phase: At the beginning of the relationship, a narcissist often showers you with attention, affection, and grand plans for the future. They may talk about how they’ve “never felt this way before,” how you’re “meant to be,” or how “the two of you will conquer the world together.” This stage is often overwhelming and intoxicating, and you may find yourself falling fast because the future they describe seems so perfect.
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Creating Dependency: Once you’re emotionally invested, future faking becomes a way to make you dependent on the relationship. You’re always waiting for that future to come true, which keeps you from leaving, even when there are red flags.
Shifting the Goalposts: Over time, narcissists will continually push back their promises. They’ll offer excuses like “the timing isn’t right” or “there are just a few more things to work out first.” This keeps you hoping that the future they promised is just around the corner, but in reality, it never arrives.
Using Future Faking to Excuse Bad Behavior: When a narcissist mistreats you, they may use future faking as a way to smooth things over. After an argument or betrayal, they might promise that things will get better, and you’ll have the future you dreamed of together, so you stay in the relationship, hoping for change.
Why Future Faking Works
Future faking works because it preys on hope and optimism. Most people enter relationships with the belief that they will grow and deepen, and narcissists know how to play into this natural expectation. The promises they make are carefully crafted to match your dreams and desires, so you’re more likely to believe in them.
Additionally, narcissists are often very charming and persuasive. They can make their lies sound genuine, and it’s easy to get caught up in the fantasy they create. Because the future they describe is so attractive, it becomes difficult to face the reality that it’s all a manipulation.
Signs You’re Being Future Faked
Big promises early on: If someone starts making significant promises about your future together very early in the relationship, this can be a red flag. It’s important to build trust and connection over time, rather than being swept away by grand plans.
Inconsistency between words and actions: If the person’s promises aren’t backed up by actions, take a step back. A consistent pattern of empty promises is a sign of manipulation.
Moving goalposts: If the promised future keeps being delayed or pushed back with various excuses, you may be caught in a future-faking cycle.
Emotional manipulation: If they use future promises to smooth over current problems, bad behavior, or inconsistencies, they may be manipulating your emotions to keep you in the relationship.
Protecting Yourself from Future Faking
Take your time: Don’t rush into any relationship or make decisions based on promises of the future. Give yourself time to assess whether someone’s actions match their words.
Set boundaries: If you feel pressured by future promises, set clear boundaries. Let the person know you’re not comfortable making decisions based on future plans that haven’t been realized.
Focus on the present: Pay attention to how the person treats you in the present moment. Do they respect you, support you, and build trust? If their focus is always on the future while neglecting the present, this is a warning sign.
Trust your instincts: If something feels off, trust your gut. It’s easy to get swept up in promises of a perfect future, but if the present feels wrong, listen to your intuition.
Conclusion
Future faking is a powerful tool that narcissists use to manipulate and control their partners. By making false promises about a future together, they can keep you emotionally invested in the relationship while offering very little in return. Recognizing this behavior early on and protecting yourself with strong boundaries can help you avoid falling into the trap of future faking. Remember, a healthy relationship is built on mutual respect and trust in the present, not on empty promises of the future.
