Key Points

Breadcrumbing is when someone gives someone just enough attention to “tempt” them.

The purpose of breadcrumbing for a narcissist is to give them an ego boost.

Responding to breadcrumbing signals that the person is available for “narcissistic supply.”

Your ex texts you out of the blue and asks how you are. She tells you she misses you, and you don’t hear from her again for months. You may have been breadcrumbed.

Breadcrumbing is when someone gives you just enough attention to “tempt” you or make you think they are interested in you. They will show up in your life and then disappear just as quickly. This behavior can leave you feeling hopeful but then confused and hurt.

Breadcrumbing can be a typical behavior of narcissists and other toxic people. Breadcrumbing is usually done through a low-effort text message or direct message. The narcissist may resort to pretending to have a future, vaguely hinting at a plan for the two of you that will never come to pass. Then they seem to cut off contact with you. You may wonder if you said something wrong or blame yourself. On the contrary, this disconnect has nothing to do with you at all—the narcissist may have met his or her own selfish needs and moved on to something else.

Narcissists seem to turn to you when you think you’re feeling like yourself again—you feel liberated and rebuilt. Narcissists may turn to you right after a relationship ends or even years later. The purpose of bringing this up is usually to soothe the narcissist’s ego so they don’t have to deal with feelings of inadequacy.

Related : 8 Major Reasons You’re Attracted to Narcissists and How to Break the Cycle

Why might narcissists turn to you? Read on.

It keeps you in a “cycle”

It gives narcissists comfort that you’re still available to them. They tend to keep a list of exes and exes they can call when they need an ego boost. From time to time, they’ll update the list by monitoring who responds to their messages. Then they file you away until you’re useful to them again.

KeepThemOnYourMind

One of the worst fears of a toxic person is that someone will ignore them or not think of them. They know they’ve upset you when they reach out to you out of nowhere. They know they’re now in your thoughts. This gives them an ego boost and a sense of power. Just the idea of ​​being on your mind is enough for them to get a break from their feelings of emptiness. Their goal is to stop feeling narcissistically empty.

TheyNeedSomethingFromYou

Narcissists will contact you as if nothing terrible happened during your relationship. They’ll be friendly and charismatic. Then you discover why they’re contacting you—they want something from you. They may know you can get them tickets to an event, or they need your help with something around their house. They don’t start with a request, but they may have showered you with compliments over the long haul and then months later tell you how helpful you can be to them. If you say no, they may be narcissistically angry.

Soothe Them After Losing Narcissistic Supply

Narcissists must have a “supply” available to them. They may quickly move on to another relationship or cheat with multiple partners. Narcissistic supply is not always in the form of a person. Narcissists may derive a large part of their identity from their jobs. If work is not going well or they are fired, they may start to spin. If their ego is damaged, they may suffer from narcissistic injury. Knowing that you are still there and willing to respond to them can temporarily soothe feelings of emptiness.

It’s Easier to Return to Old Supply

Returning to an old supply (such as an ex) is less work for the narcissist than finding a new supply. Finding a new supply means the narcissist has a chance to be rejected. It also means the narcissist must keep their “mask” on when dealing with a new source. The new source may leave if the narcissist reveals their identity too early in the relationship. If the narcissist knows that a previous partner tolerated his pathological behavior, at least to some extent, he assumes the same will be true if he reconnects with them. He weighs the possibility that you will be his next source of exploitation.

How to Respond to Emails

One of the best ways to respond to emails is to do nothing. Don’t respond to any attempts to contact you. Write down why you no longer want to contact this person and how they made you feel. Now block this person’s phone number, email, and social media accounts. Block all access to you.