Maybe I needed less advice and more sympathy – sorry! My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 6 years. He was planning to do a study abroad program this year in Europe last year, and I was really happy when he committed. No trust issues, no doubts, nothing, which is why I was shocked when he came back last week and was acting completely… cold, distant, and aloof. He eventually admitted that he had hooked up with a girl he met on the program a few times. I’m sad because I never thought he was the type to cheat and I was just excited for him to get back. I ended things and kicked him out of our shared living space. I don’t regret my decision but deep down I am remorseful, hurt, and shocked because I didn’t see this coming, wasn’t expecting it, and wasn’t fully prepared. I also helped him raise enough money for a large portion of the trip, so I realize that I will probably have to plan on asking him to repay me (although my hopes of getting that money back are slim!) Any words of support or anything else would be appreciated! – Anonymous, Colorado
My dear, my heart aches for you. Six years is a long time, and for it to end this way, unexpectedly and with such blatant betrayal, is devastating. It’s completely normal to feel sad, hurt, and shocked. You trusted him, supported him, and believed in your relationship—you had every reason to be.
The fact that you didn’t see it coming doesn’t reflect you or your judgment. Cheating is a choice that the cheater makes, and they often go to great lengths to hide it. You were cheated on because they chose to cheat on you, not because you were naive or unaware.
Right now, your feelings are valid. Allow yourself to grieve the loss of the relationship, the broken trust, and the future you imagined together. It’s okay to get angry, cry, scream into a pillow, or do whatever you need to do to process that pain.
The fact that you helped him financially on the trip adds another layer of pain, but don’t let that overwhelm your healing process. It’s perfectly reasonable to ask him to repay you, but focus on your emotional well-being first. You deserve to heal and move on without being consumed by financial worries.
You did the right thing by ending the relationship. You deserve someone who values you, respects you, and honors your commitments. This experience, while painful, is a reminder of your strength and resilience. You will get through this, and you will come out stronger on the other side.
Rely on your friends and family for support during this time. Talk to them, cry with them, vent to them—whatever you need. Surround yourself with love and positivity, and remember that you are not alone in this.
Use this time to focus on yourself. Do things that bring you joy, feed your passion, and rediscover your value. You deserve love, respect, and happiness.
This grief will not define you. It is just a chapter in your story, and you have the power to write the next chapter. May it be even more magical than the last!
Evie
