Dealing with a relationship with a narcissist can often feel like a difficult game of chess.
You see, when a narcissist feels like they’re losing control over you, their behavior can take on a whole new level of manipulation.
But the thing is, recognizing their tactics is your first line of defense. It’s your step toward regaining your power and ending the game once and for all.
In this article, we’ll explore the nine things a narcissist does when they realize they’ve lost their grip on you.
It’s time to unpack the playbook and flip the script.
1) They Up Their Charm
When a narcissist notices that they’re losing their grip on you, their first instinct is often to up their charm.
It’s a familiar tool in the narcissist’s arsenal. They’re adept at reading people and knowing exactly what to say to make themselves seem irresistible.
Suddenly, they’re showering you with compliments, remembering all your favorite things, and making grand emotional gestures. It’s all an attempt to win you back and regain their control.
But don’t be fooled. This sudden behavior change isn’t about genuine affection or remorse. It’s a calculated move to regain the upper hand.
2) They Play the Victim
In my own experience, I’ve seen how quickly narcissists can turn when they feel they’re losing control.
I remember a time when I started to pull away from a narcissistic friend. I noticed their manipulative ways and decided to create some distance.
Before I knew it, they were flipping the roles and playing the victim. They would reach out to me with heartbreaking stories about how they’d been mistreated by others or how they were struggling with personal issues.
It was hard not to feel empathy for them. But then I realized that this was just another tactic—a ploy to elicit my sympathy and get me back into their network.
The victim card is a common move in the playbook. Be aware of it, and remind yourself that you’re not responsible for their happiness or well-being.
3) They Turn to Manipulation
When narcissists feel they’re losing control, they may turn to a manipulative tactic known as manipulation.
Manipulation is designed to make you doubt your perception of reality.
In real life, a narcissist may dismiss your feelings, deny things they’ve said or done, or twist the truth to fit their narrative.
By making you doubt your memories or your sanity, they aim to regain control and keep you within their sphere of influence. Remember, your experiences and feelings are valid. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.
4) They Give You the Silent Treatment
The silent treatment is another tactic often used when they feel they’re losing control.
Suddenly, they stop answering your calls, ignoring your texts, or even acting like you don’t exist when you’re in the same room.
This type of emotional withdrawal is a form of punishment designed to make you feel rejected and anxious. The goal? To get you to chase them away, apologize, or do whatever it takes to regain their attention.
It’s important to remember that it’s not about you or your actions. It’s about their need for control. Don’t let the silent treatment manipulate you into questioning your worth.
5) They Start a Smear Campaign
When they fear losing their grip, they may try to destroy your reputation.
They may spread rumors, twist the facts, or even outright lie about you to others.
This smear campaign is designed to isolate you and damage your relationships with mutual friends or family members.
Remember, those who know you and truly care about you will not be swayed by such tactics.
Stay strong in your truth.
6) They Make Big Promises
They may resort to making big promises.
Suddenly, they assure you that they have changed, that they have seen the error of their ways, and that things will be different this time. It can be very tempting to believe them, especially if there is a part of you that still cares about them.
But actions speak louder than words. It is easy to make promises but hard to keep them. Keep them and wait to see the continual change over time before you consider giving them another chance.
7) They Bring Up Your Past
I remember a time when a narcissistic ex would frequently bring up past arguments or times I messed up.
It was as if they were trying to make me feel guilty about the past to regain control of the present.
These attempts to bring up the past often have nothing to do with the current situation but are simply a tactic to destabilize you and make you feel insecure.
Everyone makes mistakes, and growth is about learning from them, not constantly punishing them.
8) They Threaten to Leave
Another common tactic they may use when they feel like they’re losing their grip is to threaten to leave.
They know that the fear of abandonment can be a powerful motivator, and they use this to their advantage.
By threatening to leave, they hope to elicit a reaction from you—usually one of desperation to keep them in your life.
If they choose to leave, it’s not a reflection of your value but rather their inability to value it. Don’t let the threats of abandonment manipulate you into giving up your power.
9) They Show Their True Colors
Finally, they may often drop their fake persona and show their true colors.
This can be shocking and painful, as you witness the depths of their selfishness, manipulation, and lack of empathy. But as difficult as it may be, this is a crucial moment of clarity.
This is who they are—not the charming person they’ve made themselves out to be. Hold on tight to this truth, because acknowledging and accepting it is an important step toward freeing yourself from their control.
Embracing Your Empowerment
The journey of freeing yourself from the grip of a narcissist is difficult, but it is a crucial step toward embracing self-love, respect, and empowerment.
By recognizing these behaviors, you have taken the first step toward reclaiming your power. Their tactics have been brought to light, and you are no longer in the dark.
Getting out is not impossible. It takes courage, strength, and most importantly, self-confidence.
As you navigate this journey, remember that their actions and behaviors are a reflection of them, not you.
You are strong, worthy of respect, and capable of setting boundaries.
Look within for validation rather than externally. This path is not easy, but it is worth walking for the freedom and peace that lie at the end.
Continue to empower yourself. You are worth it.
