There’s a fine line between accepting someone’s flaws and manipulating them with bad behavior.
The difference lies in recognizing the red flags. When your partner consistently exhibits certain behaviors, it’s no longer about “flaws,” it’s about who they are.
If you see the eight behaviors we’ll explore in this article, you may be dealing with someone who’s not good for you.
This won’t be easy reading for some of you, but remember that recognizing these behaviors is the first step to creating healthier relationships.
1) Constant Criticism
We all have room for improvement—that’s a given. But there’s a big difference between constructive feedback and constant, unnecessary criticism.
When you’re with someone who seems to have a radar for your flaws and doesn’t hesitate to point them out, you can feel like you’re under a microscope.
This isn’t about helping you grow or be better. It’s about making you feel small and making them feel superior.
Healthy relationships are about lifting each other, not putting each other down. If your partner is constantly criticizing you, it’s time to reevaluate the relationship.
Everyone deserves respect and kindness from their partner, and that includes you.
2) Lack of Empathy
Empathy is the glue that holds relationships together.
If your partner lacks this essential quality, it’s a huge red flag. They may not understand or care about your feelings, which can lead to a breakup in the relationship.
Don’t ignore a lack of empathy. It’s crucial to a satisfying relationship, and you deserve someone who truly cares about how you feel.
3) He’s Controlling
A touch of jealousy or protectiveness may seem romantic at first. But if your partner is constantly trying to control what you do, who you see, or even what you wear, that’s not love—it’s possessiveness.
Controlling behavior can be subtle and often disguised as anxiety. But remember, a loving partner respects your independence and individuality.
In my book, Breaking the Attachment: How to Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I go into more detail about how to identify and deal with such behavior. But for now, just know that a healthy relationship is based on mutual respect and trust, not control.
You deserve a relationship where you feel free, not restricted. Don’t let anyone make you think otherwise.
4) They’re Too Nice
Sounds weird, right? But someone can be too nice.
If your partner never disagrees with you, always lets you get what you want, and never expresses their feelings or opinions, they may be hiding their true selves.
This can lead to resentment over time and an explosive situation when they finally do reveal their pent-up frustrations.
Remember, a real relationship involves two distinct individuals with their thoughts and feelings. It’s okay—and healthy—to have disagreements sometimes.
It’s about balance. And a partner who’s too nice may not show you the whole picture.
5) They avoid responsibility
As an adult, taking responsibility for their actions is a must. But if your partner is always playing the blame game or making excuses for their mistakes, that’s a sign of immaturity.
It’s a pattern I’ve seen time and time again in my career. Someone who doesn’t take responsibility is more likely to repeat their mistakes, which can hurt you in the process.
In a relationship, both partners need to be willing to admit when they’ve made a mistake and work on improving. No one is perfect, but admitting our mistakes helps us grow and builds trust in the relationship.
So, if your partner is constantly pointing fingers at other people, it’s time to have a serious conversation.
6) They’re Emotionally Abusive
This is a tough one to talk about, but it’s so important. Emotional abuse can be just as damaging, if not more so, than physical abuse.
If your partner regularly belittles you, minimizes your feelings, or uses manipulative tactics like guilt-tripping or emotional manipulation, this is emotional abuse.
It’s not always easy to spot these signs because such behavior is often disguised as “love” or “caring.” But remember, true love doesn’t hurt you or make you feel inadequate.
You deserve to be treated with kindness, respect, and genuine love. Don’t settle for less.
7) Dishonest
Honesty is the cornerstone of any successful relationship. If your partner lies to you—whether about small things or important issues—it erodes the trust and respect in your relationship.
A partner who lies is showing you that he or she doesn’t respect you enough to be honest. Remember, you deserve honesty and transparency in your relationship. Anything less is not worth it.
8) Ignores Your Boundaries
Last but not least, boundaries are essential in a relationship. They help maintain respect and ensure that both partners feel safe.
If your partner consistently ignores or disrespects your boundaries, it’s a clear sign that they don’t value your feelings or comfort.
Whether it’s personal space, time with friends, or emotional boundaries, your partner should always respect your boundaries.
No one has the right to trample on your boundaries in the name of love. That’s not love; it’s disrespect. And you deserve to be in a relationship where your feelings and boundaries are respected.
Final Thoughts
In closing, it’s important to remember that we all deserve love, respect, and honesty in our relationships. If your partner is exhibiting any of these behaviors, it’s time to reevaluate the relationship.
Remember, it’s not about changing them—it’s about recognizing their behavior and deciding what’s best for you.
