When we get too caught up in a relationship, the tendency is to lose objectivity.
We may be unhappy, but we don’t fully realize it… and so we allow the toxic status quo to persist.
In a sense, you become “too close to the forest to see the trees.”
Or maybe you know you’re unhappy, but you feel so emotionally attached, almost helpless, that you can’t do anything about it.
Not good.
Your time on this planet is limited, so you should aim to have relationships that make you happy, not stressed or sad.
I’m here to provide you with more clarity.
In this article, I’ll walk you through some behaviors that you should never tolerate in a relationship.
So if some of the elements in this article strike you, consider it time to start making some major changes.
Let’s get started!
1) They’re constantly criticizing you
Sure, a little playful banter in a relationship is acceptable.
Yes, during the occasional fight, your partner may say some unkind things that they didn’t mean.
But when criticism and condemnation become the status quo of your relationship, something is wrong.
Maybe your partner is being too harsh on you because of your flaws or human errors.
Maybe they criticize and belittle you regularly, and before you know it, your self-worth is in tatters.
Or maybe they constantly disrespect you, ridicule your opinions, and throw little jabs at you throughout the day, ultimately making you feel like complete crap.
There’s a fine line between nagging and harsh, unfair criticism.
My ex-wife used to make fun of me a lot.
I gained some weight during our relationship and she would regularly make fun of my appearance.
At first, I ignored it, thinking it was just “harmless banter.”
But I soon realized that being around her made me feel bad about myself.
She wasn’t just commenting on my weight, she had a knack for making me feel like a failure in general.
I got the idea.
So, I decided to say no, and shortly after, we broke up. I cut my losses and moved on shortly after. I learned my lesson.
2) They try to control you
The best relationships are based on mutual respect and understanding.
And honestly, there’s not much respect when one partner is constantly trying to control you.
In theory, we seek relationships because they add value to our lives, and make them better in some way.
When your relationship deteriorates into a fascist system, realize that some fundamental changes need to be made.
Life is short. Don’t tolerate bad behavior.
I’ve seen people try to dictate what their partners wear, who they can see, how they can spend their time, etc.
If you want to live a stress-free life, try to find a healthy person, someone who is mentally and emotionally ready for a serious commitment, not someone who is overly insecure and possessive.
You deserve better.
So, if the behaviors above sound familiar, it might be a good idea to take some drastic action.
3) They Lack Empathy
Let me be honest: someone who has the slightest bit of empathy is not worth your time.
There are plenty of good people out there, so don’t settle for someone who doesn’t care about you or anyone else.
A lack of empathy, at its core, is selfishness… and it’s not a trait you want in someone you’re going to be with for the long haul.
You want to be with someone you can be vulnerable with.
You don’t want to be with someone you’re hesitant to open up to for fear of indifference or lack of interest.
Settling for someone with these traits will eventually leave you feeling unheard and unsupported, and you’ll soon feel lonely and wish you could go back in time and choose someone else.
It’s not a good situation to be in, honestly.
4) They Have a History of Lying
Yes, you can get away with a white lie here and there in a relationship.
Your wife might ask you if her clothes look good, and you’ll just embellish them.
Maybe your friend made an effort to cook dinner and claimed that everything was delicious, even though that wasn’t quite the case.
A white lie might be acceptable, under the right circumstances.
But when your partner is used to regular lying or outright deception, it won’t work.
Trust is the foundation of any healthy, effective relationship.
Trust makes you feel safe and relaxed.
So when your partner is often untrustworthy, it speaks volumes about the quality of their character…and possibly the fate of your relationship in the future. Be careful.
5) They’re Manipulative
A manipulative partner is a different kind of beast.
And like any beast in the wild, when they sense weakness in their prey, they’ll go for the kill.
If you are emotionally vulnerable enough, such as having an inherent tendency to feel guilty, you are a prime target for a manipulator.
A skilled manipulator usually has a range of weapons in his arsenal; ones he will not hesitate to deploy to get what he wants.
Be wary of his cunning tactics: guilt, manipulation, playing the victim, passive aggression, love bombing, etc.
The manipulator’s goal is to make you question your reality so that you will go along with his ways.
If you sense something is off, trust your gut.
6) He can be a bit aggressive
This is much less subtle than the rest.
Fights in romantic relationships are inevitable, they are a given.
The way you and your partner fight will define you as a couple.
If your partner resorts to overly aggressive behavior, for example by launching abusive and rude verbal attacks on you, or even physically harming you, that is unacceptable, for lack of a better word.
In this case, the abuser unconsciously wants to create an environment of fear, violence, and intimidation… not the stuff of epic romance.
Stay away from your partner while you can.
7) They often refuse to communicate
Along with trust, communication is another crucial aspect of any healthy, successful relationship.
My ex-wife (yes, the same wife) grew up in a very cold home, with emotionally distant and unavailable parents.
In a way, this meant that she grew up with an almost instinctive dislike of communication and openness.
So when I tried to convey my concerns about the relationship to her, instead of accommodating them, she would shut her mouth in anger.
She would almost throw a tantrum, making it clear that she was uncomfortable talking… and on top of that, she didn’t want to work on our issues together.
So, as you can imagine, we never really resolved our issues.
We didn’t deal with the elephant(s) in the room.
If I’m being honest, my partner’s lack of interest made me feel ignored, belittled and neglected.
It made me feel like she didn’t care about our relationship, a feeling that turned out to be mostly accurate.
Final Words
You’re reading this for a reason.
You know in the back of your mind that something is wrong with your relationship and your partner.
Life is too short to let things drag on.
Take action. Sit down with your partner and have a kind, compassionate conversation about your concerns.
If they respond constructively, and their subsequent actions reflect that, great.
Maybe things will work out, they just needed a little push.
But if you’ve tried, and change still seems out of reach, you owe it to yourself to move on.
Start putting yourself first. Start prioritizing your happiness above all else, and the rest will follow.
You’ve got this.
