Dear Evie. My husband (37) and I (39) have been married for 10 years, and together for 15 years. We have generally had a good relationship and I am currently pregnant with his second child. Our daughter is 6. My family has always welcomed my husband but I know that over the years my mum and dad have had reservations about him (he had struggled at work and they were hoping I would settle down with someone more stable). Well, a few weeks ago my husband went on a bachelorette break to Ibiza… he had done that before with his friends so I wasn’t worried at all. However, this time when he got back he was acting very distant and nervous. A few days later he told me he had slept with another woman, a woman he had met at a club during his stag party. He seemed very sorry about it and promised me it wouldn’t happen again, and after much thought I decided to give him a second chance. I don’t want to be a single mum of two and apart from that mistake, he has been a good partner. The problem is that I told my parents what had happened first, and they want nothing to do with him anymore. He has not been invited to dinner or family birthdays and has told me flat out that they will never forgive him. I feel stuck, as I am very close to my family and now I don’t know how to fix things between them and my husband. Please advise. – Annie, UK
Dear Annie,
Thank you for writing – I feel your plight! At moments like this, it is natural to feel torn between your loyalty to your husband and your bond with your family. Your husband’s actions have shaken the trust you have built between you, and it is commendable that you have chosen to give him a second chance.
However, this path requires him to make a genuine commitment to rebuilding trust and demonstrating change. His actions, not just his words, will be the true measure of his remorse and willingness to repair your relationship.
As for your family: they have their perspectives and emotions to work through. Their protective instincts towards you, as well as any previous reservations about your husband, are likely to have heightened their reactions.
It’s important to communicate openly with them, explaining why you’ve chosen to forgive and what it means for you and your children. Acknowledge their feelings but also affirm your independence in making decisions for your family.
Rebuilding the relationship between your spouse and your parents will be a gradual process. Your parents may need time and space to come to terms with what happened, and that’s okay. Encourage your spouse to take responsibility and, if possible, make gestures that show their sincerity, but also respect your parents’ boundaries.
Ultimately, the focus should be on your immediate family—your spouse, your daughter, and your unborn child. Healing takes time, and the priority should be creating a stable, supportive environment for your children. Seek support from trusted friends, a counselor, or a support group to help you navigate these complex feelings and decisions.
Remember, you are in control of the direction of your life. Your choices and boundaries are valid, and your safety, along with the safety of your children, should always come first. Stay strong and steady as you move forward.
