The need to look good is a key component of the motivational profile of people high in narcissism. However, there are many ways to look good: one is to look attractive and sexy, but another is to seem like you’re running every show you’re in. Thus, striving to be as assertive as possible may be a key strategy for a narcissist. A forthcoming study to be published by William Hart and colleagues at the University of Alabama (2017) shows that narcissists are more likely to promote themselves to others in assertive ways. Before we move on to the study, it’s important to keep in mind that there are two forms of narcissism. In vulnerable narcissism, individuals feel deeply inadequate and seek attention and approval to validate and boost their low self-esteem. In grandiose narcissism, individuals have an inflated sense of self and believe they can do no wrong. Narcissism is a personality type that behaves inappropriately, feels entitled to special privileges, and reacts with anger and retaliation to anyone who thwarts its ambitions or “denies” it the attention it believes it deserves. Some theorists argue that both types of narcissism stem from early childhood experiences in which individuals were treated harshly or punitively by their parents. According to this view, if you peel away the surface of grandiose narcissism, you will find a vulnerable inner core begging for approval.
This distinction between vulnerable and grandiose narcissism becomes important in understanding how people with each type seek to present themselves in a positive light. In the Alabama study, people high in both types of narcissism were compared in their use of 12 different self-presentation tactics.
People with high narcissism tend to try to defend their self-esteem when their image is threatened, so Hart and his team suggest that people with high narcissism tend to “show a somewhat insensitive avoidance when someone threatens to make them look bad, which may indicate indifference rather than hypersensitivity to image threat” (p. 49). Instead, they respond more to opportunities that allow them to outshine everyone else, when they seize the opportunity. They want to exert power over others and seek to enhance their image with what the authors call “assertive self-presentation tactics” (p. 49). These include “entitlement, intimidation, attack, and flattery” (p. 49). When proven wrong, these individuals will not apologize but will justify their behavior as examples of their strengths or other positive traits.
The picture is quite different, Hart et al. argue, for vulnerable narcissists. They are prone to shyness, are highly nervous, clingy, and fear rejection. When threatened, they are more likely to become defensive (rather than assertive) than grandiose narcissists. They will justify their actions, shirk responsibility, and put themselves in an awkward position (for example, saying they didn’t try hard enough if they lost). However, they also avoid apologies, because saying they were wrong makes them seem weaker. Instead, they try to gain sympathy and appear weak to get the sympathy they seek. Let’s look at some examples of these assertive versus defensive self-presentation strategies, as described in the Self-Presentation Tactics Scale used in this study. Intimidation, a tactic used by grandiose narcissists, includes statements such as “I do things to make people afraid of me so that they will do what I want.” Compromises used by vulnerable narcissists include “When I think I won’t do well, I make excuses in advance.” Similarly, in self-handicapping, vulnerable narcissists agree with this statement: “I don’t prepare well enough for exams because I’m too involved in social activities.” Hart et al. conducted two related studies to investigate the responses of college students high in grandiose narcissism and those high in vulnerable narcissism on a measure of self-presentation tactics. As expected, grandiose narcissists endorsed all of the assertive self-presentation strategies, particularly the need for reinforcement and the tendency to use bombast. In other words, the authors concluded, that grandiose narcissists want to appear “immodest and courageous” (p. 55). Vulnerable narcissists also used some of the assertive self-presentation tactics favored by their grandiose counterparts. Vulnerable individuals varied in their use of defensive self-presentation, including making concessions, justifying, self-handicapping, and making excuses.
Related : Stop Overestimating Narcissists and Gaslighters
[As a side note, the third group of participants, who scored high on “exploitative narcissism” (using others to promote their causes), were the only individuals in the study who used apologies as a defensive self-presentation tactic. In other words, don’t always expect an apology from someone you suspect is taking advantage of you to be entirely sincere.]
Now that we know how grandiose narcissists differ from vulnerable narcissists in their self-presentation style, we can turn to the question of their basic motivational systems. Hart and his colleagues distinguish between two basic types of motivation—approach and avoidance. In approach motivation, you seek to achieve positive or pleasurable goals, such as sexual or erotic gratification. In avoidance motivation, you seek to avoid a negative or painful outcome. Hart and his team argue that grandiose narcissists use assertive self-presentation styles because they are driven by approach motivation and do not care about the possibility of unpleasant outcomes. In contrast, vulnerable narcissists will do anything to avoid the pain of appearing weak. This is what drives them to become defensive when they are threatened. They are trying to protect their fragile, volatile inner core. Not only do they fear negative evaluation per se, but they are also seeking to protect their insecure feelings of superiority (p. 56).
In short, although we might think of narcissism, whatever its form, as being linked to early experiences in the family, the current findings suggest that narcissism, once developed, manifests itself in two patterns of relationships with others. The grandiose narcissist does not appear to be motivated to avoid rejection, but rather to maximize his or her pleasure in gaining attention and power. The vulnerable narcissist seeks not only to avoid negative outcomes or even rejection but also to avoid outcomes that will reflect unfavorably on his or her self-image. For those of us who have to deal with those high in narcissism, whatever its form, this insightful study suggests that we would do well to be wary of their manipulative self-presentation strategies, even as we understand where they come from.
