We all know those people who seem to care only about themselves, focusing on the superficial level and ignoring anything deeper. They can be difficult to deal with, and you may wonder, “What drives them?”
Psychology offers some insight.
Researchers have identified common relationship habits of people who are considered shallow or arrogant. These habits reveal a lot about their mindset and interactions.
1) They prioritize appearance over substance
It’s no surprise that shallow and arrogant people place a high value on appearance. After all, the word “arrogant” itself means preoccupied with one’s appearance.
But this habit extends beyond just their reflection in the mirror.
Shallow and arrogant people often judge others based on appearance, too. They may choose their friends or partners based on how they look, rather than who they are as individuals.
They value external traits—physical attractiveness, style, and wealth—over internal qualities like personality, empathy, and intelligence.
Psychologists suggest that this habit may stem from an underlying insecurity or need for validation.
After all, superficial traits are often recognized and praised by society.
They rely on a “what you see is what you get” philosophy to guide their relationships, which can cause them to miss out on deeper, more meaningful relationships.
2) They Seek Constant Validation
This is a trait I’ve encountered myself. Let me paint a picture of my old friend, let’s call him Jack.
Jack was always the life of the party, the person who could light up the room with his charm. But to maintain that image, he needed constant validation from those around him.
I felt like every conversation with Jack was an opportunity for him to showcase his accomplishments and great life. He would often steer the conversation toward himself, skillfully fishing for compliments or affirmations.
Psychologists suggest that this is another common trait among superficial and arrogant individuals. They thrive on external validation to maintain their self-esteem.
The need for validation is not inherently wrong. We all like to be appreciated. But when this need becomes the focus of every interaction, it can prevent authentic, balanced relationships from forming.
I now realize that Jack’s need for constant validation was an attempt to fill a void in his self-esteem.
It’s a reminder that there’s often more to the surface than meets the eye.
3) They lack empathy
Now, this is a tough one.
I mean, how can someone lack the ability to empathize, to put themselves in someone else’s shoes? Yet, this is a common trait among those who are considered shallow and arrogant.
The world to them revolves around their experiences, their feelings, and their needs. They struggle to understand and share the feelings of others.
They’re watching a movie about their own lives and everyone else is just a supporting actor.
I once dated someone like this. She was amazing and charming, but when it came to understanding my feelings or acknowledging my experiences, it was like she hit a roadblock.
I remember one time when I was going through a tough time at work. I needed a listening ear and a little understanding.
But when I tried to talk about it, she quickly turned the subject back to herself. It was as if my experience didn’t matter because it wasn’t about her.
And that’s the crux of it—empathy requires us to step outside of ourselves, to acknowledge that someone else’s experiences are as real and valid as our own.
But for those who are shallow and arrogant, this is a foreign concept.
It’s not that they are inherently bad people. It’s that their focus is so fixed on themselves that they fail to see the world outside their reflection.
4) They’re always chasing the next best thing
Shallow and arrogant people often have a habit of constantly searching for something better, more attractive, or more exciting. This constant pursuit can lead them to ignore the value of the relationships they already have.
Whether it’s a more attractive partner, a more exciting social circle, or a better opportunity to boost their image, they’re always on the lookout.
It’s a hamster wheel of sorts—spinning endlessly but never really getting anywhere.
This behavior can be incredibly damaging to their relationships. It can make their partners feel unappreciated and dispensable. It can make friends feel used and neglected.
The truth is, no one likes to feel like they’re just an option or a stumbling block in someone else’s path to something “better.”
It undermines trust, fosters insecurity, and creates a shaky foundation for any relationship.
Ultimately, this habit reveals a lack of satisfaction and an inability to appreciate what they already have.
5) They struggle to form deep emotional relationships
Have you ever wondered why some people seem to keep things superficial, avoiding deep conversations or emotional intimacy?
Well, this is a common trait among superficial and arrogant people. They often struggle to form deep emotional connections with others. This isn’t just a quirk—it’s a psychological pattern.
One study found that individuals with narcissistic tendencies (a trait often associated with arrogance) are more likely to avoid emotionally intimate relationships.
This doesn’t mean they can’t have relationships. On the contrary, they can be extremely charming and magnetic.
But when it comes to emotional depth and vulnerability—the ingredients needed for deep, meaningful connection—they struggle.
They may avoid serious conversations or respond awkwardly to emotional openness. This emotional distance can make their partners feel isolated or misunderstood.
6) They have a hard time accepting criticism
No one likes to be criticized. It’s an uncomfortable experience that can trigger feelings of inadequacy or failure.
But for superficial, arrogant individuals, it can be especially difficult.
It’s not because they think they’re perfect. On the contrary, they may be acutely aware of their flaws but struggle to accept them.
Their self-worth is often tied to the image they project to the world. Any criticism, whether constructive or not, feels like a direct attack on their identity.
I remember a colleague who would become defensive and upset, even when faced with completely constructive criticism.
It didn’t matter whether the feedback was meant to help her grow; all she could see was an attack on her self-image.
Now, it’s easy to dismiss this behavior as ego or arrogance.
But if we take a moment to empathize, we’ll understand that this reaction comes from a place of insecurity and fear. Fear of inadequacy, fear of rejection.
It’s a reminder that we all have our battles and insecurities. And sometimes, what seems arrogant may just be someone’s way of coping with their fears.
7) They Struggle with Self-Awareness
At the heart of all of these behaviors is a profound lack of self-awareness.
Shallow and arrogant people often have a distorted perception of themselves and their relationships.
They may not be aware of their superficial tendencies or the impact their behavior has on those around them.
This lack of self-awareness can make it difficult for them to recognize the need for change or growth.
Without this awareness, they continue to repeat the same patterns, causing strain in their relationships.
The truth is, that self-awareness is the first step toward growth and change.
Only when we understand ourselves, our actions, and their impact on others can we begin to make meaningful changes.
Final Thought
No one is defined solely by their worst habits. We all can grow, change, and improve ourselves.
If you see these traits in yourself, it doesn’t mean you’re destined to remain shallow or arrogant.
With conscious effort and patience, these behaviors can be eliminated and replaced with healthier habits.
If there’s someone in your life who exhibits these traits, remember that empathy goes a long way.
Understanding why they act the way they do can help you manage your relationship with them more effectively.
