I have been with my girlfriend for 3 years and I am generally really happy with how the relationship has progressed. We started dating when we were 20 and have since moved in together. We share a lot of similar interests and spend most of our free time together with no real issues, which is why I was surprised at the beginning of the year when she told me that we would either get married next year or she would move out. I am in no rush to get married and if I am honest it is not in my plans for the next few years. I want to be at least 25, if not older before I properly settle down. I love her but I also don’t want to be forced to propose before I am ready. There are different cultural differences between her family and mine and I know they are pressuring her to get married too, but I am at a loss as to what to do next. I have tried to tell her I am not ready in countless conversations but she has stopped talking to me about marriage altogether and has only told family and friends that we are engaged and will be getting married next year. She even bought herself a cheap fake ring to try to impress them… – Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
First of all, take a deep breath. Understandably, you’re feeling lost and overwhelmed. Ultimatums, especially big ones like marriage, aren’t exactly the stuff of romantic comedies, are they?
Now, let’s get real. You’re 23, you’ve been with your girlfriend since you were kids, and you’re happy. That’s great! But her ultimatum, coupled with pressure from her family, has thrown a wrench in the way. And let’s be clear — what you’re doing, telling everyone you’re engaged and wearing a fake ring even though you haven’t proposed to her, is not cool. It’s disrespectful and manipulative.
I get it, you love her, and the thought of losing her is terrifying. But you know what’s even scarier? Waking up one day, years later, and resenting the fact that you were pressured into a marriage you weren’t ready for.
The problem is, you’re 23. You still have your whole life ahead of you. You’re still trying to figure out who you are, what you want out of life, and what kind of future you envision for yourself. And that’s normal! Marriage is a big commitment, and it’s not something you rush into just because someone else is pressuring you.
RELATED:Women who never cheat in relationships often possess these 9 unique strengths
You’ve already tried talking to her, and she doesn’t seem to be listening. So, it’s time to put your feet up. You need to have a serious conversation with her and make it clear that you’re not engaged, and you won’t be getting married next year. Explain that you love her, but you’re just not ready for that level of commitment yet.
If she’s unwilling to respect your wishes and continues to push for marriage or spread false engagement news, you may have to make some tough decisions about the future of your relationship.
Remember, a healthy relationship is built on mutual respect and understanding. You deserve a partner who values your feelings and is willing to support your decisions, even if they don’t fit perfectly into their timeline.
You’re capable of this. Be strong and honest, and don’t let anyone pressure you into something you’re not ready for.
