Jeffrey Dahmer. Ted Bundy. Hannibal Lecter. These are the psychopaths we see in movies and tabloids and they are astonishingly devoid of conscience. Yet, as this report makes abundantly clear, these predators, male and female, haunt our daily lives at work, at home, and in relationships. Here’s how to find them before they find you.

She met him at a London dry cleaner. He was open and friendly, and they hit it off right away. From the start, she thought he was funny. Of course, she was lonely. It was bleak and rainy and she didn’t know anyone east of the Atlantic.

“Oh, the loneliness of travelers,” Dan sang sympathetically over dinner. “It’s the worst.”

After dessert, he was embarrassed to discover he had come without his wallet. She was more than happy to pay for dinner. At the bar, over drinks, he told her he was a translator for the United Nations. He was, at the moment, between assignments.

They met four times that week, and five times the next. It wasn’t long before he moved in with Ilsa. It was against her nature, but she enjoyed herself.

Yet there were details, unexplained, undiscussed, that she pushed out of her mind. He never invited her to his house; she never met his friends. One night he brought a box full of tape recorders—wrapped in plastic straight from the factory, unopened; a few days later they were gone. Once she came home to find three televisions stacked in the corner. “Storing them for a friend,” was all he said to her. When she pressed him for more, he just shrugged.

Once, he had been gone for three days and was asleep on the bed when she came in the middle of the morning. “Where have you been?” she cried. “I was so worried. Where have you been?”

He looked grim when he woke up. “Don’t ever ask me that question,” he said sharply. “I won’t accept it.”

“What—?”

“Where I go, what I do, who I do it with—never mind, Elsa. Don’t ask me.”

He was like a different person. But then he seemed to pull himself together, shake off the sleep, and reach out to her. “I know it hurts you,” he said in his old gentle way, “but I call jealousy a flu, and I’m waiting until I get over it. You’ll get over it, my dear, you’ll get over it.” Like a mother cat licking her kittens, he brought her back to trust him.

One night she asked him lightly if he felt like going to the corner and getting her ice cream. He didn’t answer, and when she looked up, he stared at her angrily. “You always got what you wanted, didn’t you?” he asked in a strange, sarcastic way. “Any little thing Elsa wanted, there was always someone who would jump up and run and buy it for her, didn’t you?”

“Are you kidding? I’m not. What are you talking about?”

He got up from his chair and walked out. She never saw him again.

There is a class of individuals who have lived throughout the ages, and they exist in every race, culture, society, and walk of life. Everyone has met these people, been tricked and manipulated by them, and forced to live with or repair the damage they have done. These often charming—but always deadly—individuals have a clinical name: psychopaths. Their defining characteristic is an astonishing lack of conscience; their game is self-gratification at the expense of the other. Many of them spend time in prison, but many do not. They all take more than they give.

The most obvious—but not the only—expression of psychopathy involves a blatant violation of society’s rules. Not surprisingly, many psychopaths are criminals, but many others manage to stay out of prison, using their chameleon-like charm and wit to weave their way through society, leaving behind shattered lives.

The bulk of my quarter-century-long search for answers to this mystery has been a concerted effort to develop an accurate means of detecting the psychopaths among us. Measurement and classification are essential components of any scientific endeavor, but the implications of being able to identify people with mental disorders are as practical as they are academic. Simply put, if we can’t detect them, we are doomed to become their victims, both as individuals and as a society.

My quest to find psychopaths began in the 1960s in the Department of Psychology at the University of British Columbia. There, my growing interest in psychopaths combined with my experience working with prison mental patients formed what would become my life’s work.

Related : If A Guy Does These 7 Things, He’s An Emotional Psychopath

I assembled a team of clinicians who would identify prison mental patients through long, detailed interviews and careful study of file information. From this, a highly reliable diagnostic tool was developed that could be used by any clinician or researcher and that yielded a richly detailed profile of personality disorders called psychopathy. We called this tool the Psychopathy Checklist (Multi-Health Systems; 1991). The checklist is now used worldwide and provides clinicians and researchers with a means of distinguishing, with reasonable certainty, between genuine psychopaths and those who are merely breaking the rules.

The following is a general summary of the key characteristics and behaviors of psychopaths. Do not use these symptoms to diagnose yourself or others. Diagnosis requires explicit training and access to a formal assessment manual. If you suspect that someone you know fits the profile described here, and if it is important for you to get an expert opinion, you should seek the services of a forensic psychologist or a qualified (registered) psychiatrist.

Also, be aware that people who do not have a mental disorder may have some of the symptoms described here. Many people are impulsive, tactless, cold, and insensitive, but this does not mean that they have a mental disorder. Psychopathy is a syndrome – a group of related symptoms.

Key symptoms of psychopathy

Emotional/Personal:

• Tactless and superficial
• Egocentric and grandiose
• Lack of remorse or guilt
• Lack of empathy
• Deceitful and manipulative
• Shallow emotions

Social deviance:

• Impatient
• Poor behavioural controls
• Need for excitement
• Irresponsibility
• Early behavioral problems
• Adult antisocial behaviour

Tactless and superficial

People with psychopathy are often talkative and quick-tempered. They can be entertaining and engaging conversationalists, ready to respond with wit, and able to tell unexpected but compelling stories that make them look good. They can be very effective at presenting themselves well and are often quite likable and charming.

One evaluator described an interview she conducted with a prisoner: “I sat down and pulled out my clipboard,” she said, “and the first thing this man told me was how beautiful my eyes were. He managed to include a lot of compliments about my appearance in the interview, so by the time I got done, I was feeling unusually… well, pretty. I’m a cautious person, especially at work, and I can usually spot a fake. When I got back out, I couldn’t believe I had fallen for a line like that.”

Selfishness and Grandiosity

Psychopaths have a grossly inflated and narcissistic view of their self-worth and importance, a truly astonishing selfishness and sense of entitlement, seeing themselves as the center of the universe, and justifying living by their own rules. One participant said, “It’s not that I don’t follow the law, I follow my own rules. I never break my own rules.” She then went on to describe these rules in terms of “looking for number one.”

Psychopaths often claim to have specific goals but show little appreciation for the qualifications required—they have no idea how to achieve them and little or no chance of achieving them, given their track record and lack of sustained interest in formal education. A psychopathic prisoner may outline vague plans to become a lawyer for the poor or a real estate mogul. One particularly illiterate prisoner managed to obtain the copyright for the title of a book he planned to write about himself, and was already calculating the fortune his bestseller would generate.

Lack of remorse or guilt

Psychopaths show an astonishing lack of concern for the effects their actions have on others, no matter how devastating they may be. They may seem completely honest about it, quietly stating that they feel no guilt, no regret for the pain caused, and that there is no reason to worry now.

When asked if he felt any remorse for stabbing a robbery victim who subsequently spent time in hospital as a result of his injuries, one person replied: “Be realistic! He’s been in hospital for a few months and I’m rotting here. If I wanted to kill him I’d cut his throat. That’s the kind of guy I am; I gave him a chance.”

Their lack of remorse or guilt is linked to a remarkable ability to rationalize their behavior and to deflect personal responsibility for actions that leave family, friends, and others reeling in shock and disappointment. They often have easy excuses for their behavior, and in some cases deny that it ever happened.

Lack of Empathy

Many of the traits displayed by psychopaths are closely linked to a profound lack of empathy and an inability to construct a mental and emotional “fake copy” of another person. They seem completely incapable of “getting into the skin” of others, except in a purely intellectual sense.

They are completely indifferent to the rights and suffering of family and strangers alike. And if they do maintain ties, it’s only because they view family members as property. One participant allowed her boyfriend to sexually molest her five-year-old daughter because he “tired me out. I wasn’t ready for more sex that night.” The woman found it hard to understand why authorities would put her child in care.

Deceivers and Manipulators

With their powers of imagination turned on and directed toward themselves, psychopaths seem surprisingly unfazed by the possibility—or even the certainty—of being caught. When caught lying or challenged with the truth, they rarely seem confused or embarrassed—they simply change their stories or try to reframe the facts so that they seem consistent with the lie. The result is a series of contradictory statements and a completely confused listener.

Related : I Survived A Mother I Believe Is A Psychopath

Psychopaths seem to take pride in their ability to lie. When asked if she lies easily, one woman laughed and replied: “I’m the best. I think it’s because I sometimes admit something bad about myself. They think, ‘Well, if I admit that, I must be honest about the rest.’”

SuperficialEmotions

People with psychopathy seem to suffer from a kind of emotional poverty that limits the range and depth of their feelings. They sometimes appear cold and unemotional while nevertheless being prone to dramatic, superficial, and short-lived displays of emotion. Careful observers get the impression that they are acting and that little is going on beneath the surface.

One psychopath in our research said that he didn’t understand what others meant by fear. “When I rob a bank, I notice the teller shaking,” he said. “One threw up on the money. She must have been in a state of internal chaos, but I don’t know why. If someone pointed a gun at me, I think I would be afraid, but I wouldn’t throw up.” When asked if he felt his heart pounding or his stomach cramping, he replied, “Of course! I’m not a robot. I get excited when I have sex or when I get into a fight.”

impulsive

People with psychopathy are unlikely to spend much time weighing the pros and cons of a course of action or considering the potential consequences. “I did it because I felt like it,” is a common response. These impulsive actions often stem from a goal that plays a central role in most psychopathic behaviors: instant gratification, pleasure, or relief.

So family members, relatives, employers, and coworkers find themselves standing around wondering what happened—leaving jobs, cutting off relationships, changing plans, ransacking homes, and hurting people, often on what seems like little more than a whim. As the husband of a psychopath I studied said, “She got up and left the table, and that was the last time I saw her for two months.”

poor behavioral control

In addition to being impulsive, people with psychopathy are also highly reactive to perceived slights or insults. Most of us have strong inhibitions over our behavior; even if we want to respond aggressively, we are usually able to “control ourselves.” In people with psychopathy, these inhibitions are weak, and the slightest provocation is enough to overcome them. As a result, people with psychopathy are irritable or impulsive and tend to respond to frustration, failure, discipline, and criticism with sudden violence, threats, or verbal abuse. But their outbursts, however extreme, are often short-lived, and they act quickly as if nothing out of the ordinary has happened.

For example, one prisoner in the dinner line was accidentally shocked by another prisoner, who began beating him until he lost consciousness. The attacker then returned to the line as if nothing had happened. Even though he faced solitary confinement as punishment for the transgression, his only comment when asked to explain himself was, “I was angry. He got into my space. I did what I had to do.”

Although psychopaths are “irritable,” their aggressive displays are “cold”; they lack the intense excitement they feel when other people lose their temper.

Need for excitement

Psychopaths have a constant and excessive need for excitement—they crave being on the fast lane or “on the edge,” where the action is. In many cases, the action involves breaking the rules.

Many psychopaths describe “committing the crime” as a thrill or a thrill. When one of our psychopaths was asked if she had ever done dangerous things just for fun, she replied, “Yes, a lot of things. But what I find most exciting is walking through airports with drugs. Oh my God! What a high!”

The flip side of this passion for excitement is an inability to tolerate routine or monotony. Psychopaths get bored easily and are unlikely to engage in activities that are boring, repetitive, or require intense concentration for long periods.

Lack of Responsibility

Commitments and commitments mean nothing to psychopaths. Their good intentions—”I won’t cheat on you again”—are promises written on the wind.

For example, their horrific credit records reveal debts taken lightly, loans overlooked, and empty pledges to contribute to child support. Their work performance is erratic, with frequent absences, misuse of company resources, violations of company policy, and general untrustworthiness. They do not respect formal or implied commitments to people, organizations, or principles.

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Psychopaths are not deterred by the possibility that their actions will cause hardship or danger to others. One 25-year-old prisoner in our study had more than 20 convictions for reckless driving, driving under the influence, leaving the scene of an accident, driving without a license, and criminal negligence causing death. When asked if he would continue driving after his release from prison, he replied, “Why not? Sure, I drive fast, but I’m good at it. It takes two to cause an accident.”

Early Behavioral Problems

Most psychopaths begin to exhibit serious behavioral problems at an early age. These problems may include persistent lying, cheating, stealing, arson, truancy, drug use, vandalism, and/or early sexual activity. Because many children exhibit some of these behaviors at one time or another—especially children who grew up in violent neighborhoods or troubled or abusive families—it is important to emphasize that the history of this behavior in a psychopath is more extensive and serious than that of most children, even when compared with the records of siblings and friends who grew up in similar environments.

One person who served time for fraud told us that as a child, he would put a noose around a cat’s neck, tie the other end of the rope to the top of a pole, and hit the cat around the pole with a tennis racket. Although not all adult psychopaths exhibit this degree of cruelty in their youth, nearly all of them routinely fall into a wide range of difficulties.

Antisocial Behavior in Adults

Psychopaths see society’s rules and expectations as uncomfortable and unreasonable barriers to their behavior. They make their own rules, both as children and as adults.

Many antisocial acts committed by psychopaths result in criminal charges and convictions. Even within the criminal community, psychopaths stand out, largely because the antisocial and illegal activities of psychopaths are more varied and frequent than those of other criminals. Psychopaths tend not to have a particular affinity or “specialization” for a particular type of crime, but they tend to try everything.

But not all psychopaths end up in prison. Many of the things they do escape detection or prosecution or are on the “dark side of the law.” For them, antisocial behavior may consist of promoting fake stocks, questionable business practices, spousal or child abuse, etc. Many others do things that, while not necessarily illegal, are immoral, unethical, or harmful to others: adultery or cheating on a spouse, to name a few.

Origins

Thinking about psychopaths quickly leads us to one fundamental question: Why are some people the way they are?

Unfortunately, the forces that produce psychopathy remain mysterious, an admission that those seeking clear answers may find unsatisfactory. However, there are several tentative theories about the cause of psychopathy that are worth considering. At one end of the spectrum are theories that psychopathy is primarily the product of genetic or biological factors (nature), while at the other end are theories that suggest that psychopathy is entirely the result of an early, poorly understood social environment (nurture).

The position I advocate is that psychopathy arises from a complex—and poorly understood—interaction between biological factors and social forces. This position is based on evidence that genetic factors contribute to the biological underpinnings of brain function and the basic structure of personality, which in turn influence the way an individual responds to and interacts with life experiences and the social environment. The essential elements necessary for the development of psychopathic personality disorder—including a profound inability to experience empathy and the full range of emotions, including fear—are provided in part by nature and perhaps by some unknown biological influence on the developing fetus and newborn. As a result, the ability to develop internal control, conscience, and emotional “connections” with others is greatly diminished.

CanAnythingBeDone?

In their desperate search for solutions, people trapped in a destructive and seemingly hopeless relationship with a psychopath are often told: Stop indulging him and send him to therapy. The basic assumption of psychotherapy is that the patient needs and wants help with painful or distressing psychological and emotional problems. Successful treatment also requires that the patient actively participate, along with the therapist, in the search for relief from his symptoms. In short, the patient must recognize that there is a problem and must want to do something about it.

But here’s the key point: psychopaths don’t feel they have psychological or emotional problems, and they see no reason to change their behavior to conform to societal norms they don’t agree with.

Thus, despite more than a century of clinical studies and decades of research, the enigma of psychopathy persists. Recent developments have provided us with new insights into the nature of this disturbing disorder, and its boundaries have become more defined. But compared with other major clinical disorders, little research has been devoted to psychopathy, even though it is responsible for more social distress and disorder than all other psychiatric disorders combined.

So, rather than trying to pick up the pieces after the damage has been done, it makes sense to increase our efforts to understand this perplexing disorder and find effective early interventions. The alternative is to continue devoting vast resources to prosecuting, detaining, and monitoring people with psychopathy after they have committed crimes against society and to continue to ignore the well-being and plight of their victims. We need to learn how to socialize them, not reintegrate them. This requires serious research and early intervention efforts. And we must continue to search for evidence.

Excerpted from Without a Conscience: The Disturbing World of the Psychopaths Among Us (Simon & Schuster) by Robert Hare, Ph.D. Copyright 1993.

Survival Guide

Although no one is completely immune to the malicious plots of psychopaths, there are some things you can do to reduce your vulnerability.

Know what you’re dealing with. It sounds easy, but in reality, it can be very difficult. All the reading in the world cannot protect people from the devastating effects of psychopaths. Everyone, including experts, can be preyed upon, deceived, confused, and bewildered by these patients. A good psychopath can play a piece of music on the strings of anyone’s heart.

Related : How To Spot A Psychopath Through 5 Telltale Traits, According To Research

Try not to be influenced by the “props”. It is not easy to get past the charming smile, the charming body language, and the fast talk of the typical psychopath, all of which blind us to his true intentions. Many find it difficult to deal with the intense “predatory state” of the psychopath. The fixed gaze is a prelude to self-gratification and power, not simple attention or compassionate care.

Don’t cover your eyes with a blanket. Enter new relationships with your eyes open. Like the rest of us, most psychopaths and “love thieves” initially hide their dark side by showing their “best selves”. Cracks may soon begin to appear in their mask, but once you’ve fallen into their trap, it’s hard to escape without financial and emotional damage.

Be careful in high-risk situations. Some situations are designed specifically for psychopaths: single bars, cruises, foreign airports, etc. In each case, the potential victim is alone, looking for a good time, excitement, or companionship, and there’s usually someone willing to serve them, for a hidden price.

Know yourself. Psychopaths are adept at spotting your vulnerabilities and exploiting them ruthlessly. Your best defense is to understand what those vulnerabilities are and to be extremely wary of anyone who focuses on them.

Unfortunately, even the most careful precautions don’t guarantee safety from a determined psychopath. In such cases, all you can do is try to exercise some sort of damage control. It’s not easy, but some suggestions may help:

Get professional advice. Make sure the doctor you consult is familiar with the literature on psychopathy and has experience working with psychopaths.

Don’t blame yourself. Whatever your reasons for getting involved with a psychopath, it’s important not to take the blame for their attitudes and behavior. Psychopaths play by the same rules—their rules—with everyone else.

Be aware of who is the victim. Psychopaths often give the impression that they are the ones suffering and that the victims are responsible for their misery. Don’t waste your sympathy on them.

Recognize that you are not alone. Most psychopaths have many victims. The psychopath who is causing you grief is certainly causing grief to others as well.

Be wary of power struggles. Keep in mind that psychopaths have a strong need for emotional and physical control over others. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t stand up for your rights, but it can be difficult to do so without risking serious emotional or physical trauma.

Establish firm ground rules. Although power struggles with a psychopath are fraught with danger, you may be able to establish some clear rules—both for yourself and for the psychopath—to make your life easier and begin the difficult transition from victim to self-seeker.

Don’t expect dramatic changes. Psychopaths’ personalities are largely “set in stone.” There’s little chance that anything you do will bring about fundamental, lasting changes in how they see themselves or others.

Avoid losses. Most victims of psychopaths end up feeling confused and hopeless, convinced that they are largely responsible for the problem. The more you give in, the more you’ll be exploited by the psychopath’s insatiable appetite for power and control.

Use support groups. By the time your doubts lead you to seek a diagnosis, you already know you’re in for a very long and bumpy journey. Make sure you have all the emotional support you can muster.