There’s a fine line between being nurtured and being controlled in a relationship.
The difference is freedom. When you’re controlled, your partner makes decisions for you without giving you a say.
On the other hand, being nurtured means your partner respects your independence, even while directing or advising you.
Recognizing the signs of control can be difficult. But don’t worry, I’m here to help you spot them.
Let’s dive into 8 ways to tell if you’re being controlled in your relationship.
1) You’re Always Seeking Their Approval
In a healthy relationship, you feel secure in your choices and actions.
But when you’re being controlled, you may find yourself constantly seeking your partner’s approval. You hesitate to make decisions without their input or fear their reaction if they don’t agree with your choices.
This is a classic sign of manipulation—when your partner makes you feel like their opinion is the only one that matters, or worse, the only one that’s right.
Remember, in a balanced partnership, your thoughts and decisions are just as important. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.
Spotting this sign is the first step toward reclaiming your independence.
2) They Control Your Social Interactions
Being in a relationship doesn’t mean you stop having a life outside of it.
I remember a time when I was dating someone who seemed to have an opinion about every friend I had. “You’re spending too much time with Sarah,” or “I don’t like the way you’re acting with Mike.”
At first, I thought they were just protecting me. But then I realized I was losing friends. I was isolating myself, all because of the close control my partner exercised over my social life.
It was a wake-up call. No partner should have the right to dictate who you socialize with. If you’re experiencing something similar, it could be a sign that you’re being controlled in your relationship.
3) You’re constantly apologizing
Did you know that people who are being controlled or manipulated in their relationships often find themselves apologizing even when it’s not necessary?
This may happen because a controlling partner has a way of turning things around, making you feel guilty even for trivial matters. They play the victim, and you end up saying “I’m sorry” more often than you should.
It’s not normal to always be defensive in a relationship. If you’re repeatedly apologizing for things you shouldn’t have done, it’s time to reevaluate the situation.
4) They criticize you a lot
Love is about acceptance, not constant criticism.
If your partner frequently points out your flaws, belittles you, or makes you feel inadequate, this is a warning sign. This may be their way of making you feel less confident, making it easier for them to control you.
Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect and understanding. If you’re often the recipient of harsh words, it’s time to rethink your relationship.
5) They limit your independence
There’s something beautiful about sharing your life with someone, but it’s equally important to maintain your individuality.
If your partner discourages you from pursuing your interests or tries to limit your time, it’s heartbreaking. It feels like they’re clipping your wings, stifling who you are as a person.
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Everyone deserves the freedom to grow and explore their passions. If your partner doesn’t support this, it’s a sign that they’re controlling you. Remember, love should make you feel free, not trapped.
6) You’re Anxious Around Them
I found myself feeling unusually anxious around my partner. My heart would race, my palms would sweat, and I would often feel a knot in my stomach. I thought it was love, but it wasn’t. It was fear.
Fear of saying the wrong thing, fear of not meeting expectations, fear of causing an argument. This constant state of anxiety wasn’t about love; it was about control.
If you’re constantly nervous around your partner, it’s important to realize that this isn’t normal or healthy. You should feel safe and relaxed with your partner, not anxious and fearful.
7) They invade your personal space
Whether it’s by scrolling through your phone, reading your messages, or intruding on your personal space, these are all signs of controlling behavior.
Respecting personal boundaries is essential in a healthy relationship. If your partner feels entitled to invade your privacy, it shows a lack of trust and a desire to control.
Remember that everyone has a right to privacy. If that is repeatedly violated, it’s time to take notice.
8) You’ve lost your sense of self
The most alarming sign of a controlling relationship is when you start to lose your sense of self.
If you no longer recognize the person in the mirror, if you give up your dreams to accommodate your partner’s dreams, if your feelings and needs always come second, this is a blatant sign that you’re being controlled.
Never compromise who you are for someone else. You matter and your happiness matters. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.
Final Thought: It’s All About Respect
At the core of every relationship, there should be a foundation of respect and equality.
It’s important to remember that love isn’t about control, it’s about mutual understanding and freedom.
Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, states, “In a healthy relationship, each partner allows the other to influence them.”
When control begins to seep into your relationship, it’s a sign that respect and equality are being undermined.
If you notice any of these signs in your relationship, it may be time for some serious reflection. Remember that your feelings and experiences are valid. You deserve to be in a relationship where you feel loved, respected, and free.
So take a moment, reflect on what you’ve read, and always remember: love shouldn’t cost you your freedom or your sense of self.
