Honesty and openness are great qualities to have.
But at work, those same qualities can get you in trouble. And they could cost you your job!
You see, the office has unwritten rules about what you should never talk about.
Want to know when to shut up at work?
Here are 8 situations at work where the best thing to do is to stay quiet.
1) When Someone Makes a Mistake
When someone makes a mistake at work, it can sometimes be hard not to respond. After all, we express ourselves freely when our family members and friends have accidents.
So all we can do is whisper to our colleagues:
“Oh my God! What was Ellen thinking?!”
“I thought she worked hard for this.”
“That’s embarrassing! No wonder she hasn’t gotten promoted yet.”
That’s where our big mouths get us in trouble.
While these may seem like “honest responses,” they sound like gossip to most people. And they’ll look at you negatively.
Let me explain why.
In psychology, there’s a phenomenon called the false consensus effect where we tend to overestimate how others view things the same way we do.
We think we’re simply expressing what others already know and agree with, and that we’re not denigrating someone.
But even if you’re simply expressing frustration (and even sympathy), people can interpret that as gossiping.
Is this a lesson?
When someone makes a mistake, the best thing you can do is keep your mouth shut. Or, you know, be more empathetic.
In this case, you should apply the adage “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.”
2) When Someone Gossips
So let’s say you’re very careful not to say anything negative to others. That’s great!
You’re better than the average person.
But what happens when you’re on the receiving end of gossip?
According to Dr. Michael Federman, an expert in workplace psychology, “The easiest response is to just listen and not really respond.”
But if it’s something controversial, he suggests that you clearly state your differing opinion. Silence can be interpreted as agreement due to the false consensus effect.
However, if someone is repeatedly sharing gossip with you, you should be more proactive in protecting yourself from them.
You may want to interact with them less and less, or if that’s not possible, simply say, “I’m sorry. I don’t want to comment.” So that they get your message.
3) When You’re Emotionally Overwhelmed
How many times have you said something harsh because you’re angry or frustrated?
I’ve done this many times in the past, and I still get hounded to this day. If only I’d kept my mouth shut.
If you’re a boss or manager and you’re expressing your frustration and anger as if it’s your right, you may be verbally abusive without even knowing it.
According to psychology, “Verbal abuse often manifests itself in the form of derogatory language, the use of profanity or threats, and the use of a harsh tone or voice.”
But it can be any of the following: blaming, criticizing, manipulating, humiliating, and threatening.
So if you tend to not filter when you’re emotionally overwhelmed, don’t do it—especially not at work!
Learn how to manage your negative emotions so they don’t explode.
4) When Someone Is Venting Their Anger
Your colleague asks you if you can grab a coffee because they simply need to vent.
Then they go on and on about how someone is an idiot, how someone else is unreliable, and how everyone else (except you) is terrible.
They’re “venting,” okay. But it’s going to hurt you.
You can’t ignore what they’ve said to you, so your opinion of others will also be greatly affected.
When someone is breathing a sigh of relief, yes, listen to them. But say, “I understand how frustrating this must be for you. I suggest you talk to HR about this.”
Show empathy for how they’re feeling, but don’t get too deep into it.
Change the subject, cheer them up, and keep your interactions short.
Show them that you care but don’t like hearing their negative opinions about others too much.
5) When Someone Asks You for Your Opinion on Someone
“Jessie also thinks you need to be more assertive.”
If you were Jessie, you’d say, “What?! I never said that!”
But maybe they “shared” with you how slow the project was progressing and that your manager needed to be more assertive… so you nodded or said “yes.”
Now they’re using it against you!
This is one of the most common manipulative tricks called triangulation.
And you need to be very careful when dealing with these manipulative people. They can use your words to push their agenda.
Again, just remember, when someone says anything negative, just keep your mouth shut.
6) When Your Boss Critics Your Work
I’m sensitive to criticism.
One time, when a client said to me “I think your video is so boring,” I said “But your product is so boring!”
And that, of course, ended our relationship.
When we’re at work, we should always be nice. Always, always.
Seriously. Always.
So when your boss, who is an expert in what you’re trying to do, tells you, “Your research needs more work,” don’t sigh and say, “You’re too demanding,” or any other statement that clearly shows you can’t handle criticism.
This can leave a lasting negative impression on you because not being able to handle criticism well is a sign of low emotional intelligence, and it doesn’t make you any more attractive to work with.
So the next time someone gives you feedback, simply nod and agree—especially if it’s your boss.
And if you have to defend yourself, say it in the nicest way possible.
7) When Your Information Isn’t Verified
You heard that Leslie was about to be assigned to a different branch.
Everyone had been talking about it, so you assumed it was true.
So, while you were in the car with your boss, you relayed this information to him. You thought he would appreciate you telling him.
But then your boss flipped out, so why wasn’t he informed of this important decision?!
Oh no.
Your boss confronted some people and you found out that it wasn’t true – and it wasn’t Lissie who was moving to a different office, it was Karen.
So now your boss is mad at you for spreading false information. He’s lost some trust in you too – and he probably thinks you lack integrity.
Whoa!
Have you learned your lesson? Don’t spread information, especially if you don’t even know if it’s 100% true.
But if you feel you need to share, just put a disclaimer that says “I’m not sure if this is true,” or “This is unconfirmed information.”
8) When you suspect someone is doing something suspicious
You suspect someone is stealing paper clips… information, or money.
Or you know that two people are having a love affair in the office.
Or that someone is a spy.
Should you share your suspicions with anyone?
No, don’t!
Don’t act like a detective, don’t act like a “hero.” Just shut up.
Look, reporting any of these things can be risky for you and the people you suspect of committing these crimes.
Do you want to keep your job? If so, stay away from the drama and controversy!
If it matters, the right people will find out eventually.
Final Thoughts
Words are not just words.
What we say matters, especially at work.
So make sure you don’t make statements that could cause drama and cost you your job.
So when you find yourself in these eight situations, just remember to keep quiet. You’ll be doing yourself a huge favor.
