Narcissistic individuals have an unrealistically optimistic sense of their abilities, a strong need for admiration, a lack of empathy for others, and a tendency to take advantage of people (see Widman and McNulty, 2010). Sexual narcissists exhibit some of these same personality tendencies in the realm of sex, including an inflated view of their sexual prowess, a strong sense of entitlement to sexual activity, low empathy for sexual partners, and a tendency toward sexual exploitation (Widman and McNulty, 2010). Sexual narcissism is associated with a variety of negative (and few positive) consequences for romantic and sexual relationships.
Is Your Partner a Sexual Narcissist?
If you’re wondering if your partner is a sexual narcissist, recent research by McNulty and Widman (2013) includes the Sexual Narcissism Scale (SNS) for couples. (The authors developed the original scale for partners in 2010.) The scale is divided into four parts: sexual exploitation, sexual entitlement, low sexual empathy, and sexual skill. Although the scale is intended to be a measure of an individual’s levels of sexual narcissism, some of the topics covered by the scale may apply to partners as well. The sexual exploitation subscale of the SNS contains items that assess whether an individual tricks or persuades their partner into having sex. For example, one item states, “One way to persuade my partner/spouse to go to bed with me is to tell them what they want to hear.” Similarly, the sexual entitlement subscale of the SNS measures whether respondents feel entitled to sex, either regularly or whenever they want, regardless of their partner’s feelings. Items that assess this aspect of sexual narcissism include, “I feel entitled to sexual activity when I’m in the mood for it,” and “I would be upset if my partner/spouse said no to sex.” Sexual exploitation and sexual entitlement are highly positively correlated. Items on the Low Sexual Empathy subscale tap into a lack of knowledge or concern for one’s partner’s feelings. A typical item on this subscale is “My partner’s/spouse’s feelings during sex don’t usually matter to me.” Sexual narcissism may be more common in men than in women (McNulty & Weidman, 2013). If you regularly feel that your partner is trying to trick or pressure you into having sex, is not taking into account your feelings and desires about when to have sex, is not aware of or concerned about your feelings during sex, or if your partner seems only interested in his or her own sexual needs, your partner may have sexual narcissistic tendencies.
Relationship Implications
The three aspects of sexual narcissism discussed above are likely to have negative implications for romantic and sexual relationships, such as increased likelihood of sexual aggression (Widman & McNulty, 2010), decreased sexual and romantic satisfaction (McNulty & McNulty, 2013), and increased likelihood of infidelity (McNulty & McNulty, 2014). Sexual narcissists also report having more sexual partners and having their first sexual encounters at an earlier age (Widman & McNulty, 2010). Researchers have also speculated that sexual narcissism may be linked to more hostile attitudes toward women as well as psychopathy.
Silver Side?
One aspect of sexual narcissism may have positive implications for sexual relationships. The Sexual Skills subscale of the SNS includes items such as “I am an exceptional sexual partner” and “I have had great success in all my sexual relationships.” An inflated sense of sexual skill appears to be associated with increased sexual and marital satisfaction in newly married couples (McNulty & Weidman, 2013). However, this inflated sense of sexual skill may also be associated with an increased likelihood of infidelity (McNulty & Weidman, 2014). The authors speculate that stronger relationships are likely to be high in sexual confidence, but low in sexual exploitation and sexual entitlement.
