Most of us have a clear understanding of how narcissists behave. They are often extremely obsessed with how others perceive them and feel entitled to admiration and respect from the people they interact with.

Narcissism is an interesting concept because it is built around an individual’s belief in their own elitist status. Narcissists do not consciously question their superiority over others and have no problem acknowledging what they believe to be their superior qualities to others.

If someone is in the front seat, narcissists do not question that this is where they belong. If there is a better table, narcissists will plan to sit where they feel they are entitled. They do not feel the need to “prove” their worth because they do not realize that others might question their worth.

Narcissism assessment tools measure a wide range of traits that can come together to produce a diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. However, some traits of narcissism are traits that can enhance an individual’s chances of success and advancement as a leader. These are traits that we often find in people we might consider “natural leaders.”

What is Charisma?

Charisma can be a noticeable quality on multiple levels. Some charismatic individuals radiate a highly charged, but not forced, sexual attraction. Their physical presence and gaze can create a buzz of energy in a room that can be physically felt by those around them. It is exciting to catch the eye of a charismatic person because the gaze can charge you up and heighten your senses. Charismatic individuals command your attention without necessarily trying to do so. Charisma also involves a strong level of self-esteem and pride in oneself and one’s ideas. Charismatic individuals believe in themselves and do not typically feel the need to try to “force” others to believe in what they have to offer. Most people who grow up in relatively healthy circumstances also have a well-developed sense of empathy—the ability to “feel” what someone else is feeling. When you are around charismatic people, their positive outlook and sense of self can be almost contagious through the path of empathy. You see their confidence and commitment to a cause and your positive response to a charismatic leader inspires your faith and commitment to the same cause.

What is Narcissism?

Narcissists are preternaturally self-obsessed, from the way they dress to the way they look to where they stand in the room. A healthy level of narcissism ensures that we present ourselves well to others; an unhealthy level of narcissism leads us to focus only on our desires and how we can achieve them – even if it involves using the people around us. Narcissism includes an inflated sense of importance to others as well as a sense of entitlement. One of the most ironic aspects of narcissism is that this disorder is often accompanied by extremely low levels of self-esteem. Narcissists are driven to present themselves as “bigger and better than real life” because of an unacknowledged fear that they have absolutely nothing to offer others in terms of substance or self. Narcissists are rarely able to subjugate many people to their desires for very long—unlike the positive feelings and emotional charge you feel when you are around a charismatic leader, the narcissist’s self-absorption and self-aggrandizement eventually show for what they are, the charisma’s veneer is blown open, and you feel the need to head for the door, not follow his lead.

Charisma meets narcissism face-to-face

One of the traits that many narcissists frequently use to their advantage is called social audacity. This trait, combined with extroversion, creates a person who lives to be the center of attention. They develop a certain flair that they wear as easily as any mask and this persona is the image that attracts admirers and climbers who see the mask, but not the person behind it. Once the mask slips or cracks in the character appear, social trust is compromised and the narcissist works harder to maintain the facade. Fortunately, the slipping of the mask can alert others and negative emotions can be strong enough to scatter the herd of hypocrites or raise doubts among the narcissist’s followers.

Charismatic people also have a strong level of social trust and this is also reflected in their self-confidence and belief in their ideas. However, the similarities fade when we notice that charismatic leaders also believe in the value of the people around them. We love being led by charismatic leaders because they also make us feel good about ourselves and what we offer. Charisma is the sum of who you are, what you believe about yourself, how you communicate your passion to others and the connections you build with everyone you want on board. Narcissists view others as threats to their status and are more likely to steal your idea than support it. People with true charisma don’t feel the need to constantly seek validation from others regarding their worth, but narcissists need praise as much as they need food and water.

TrickToTellTheDifference

When it comes down to it, the most obvious way to determine whether you’re being duped by a narcissist or inspired by a charismatic force is to ask yourself a few questions:

Does this person create a sense of purpose around the task or goal at hand?

Does this person recognize my strengths and encourage me to grow as a person or as a team member?

Does this person have to ask for validation or offer it to others involved in the project?
Finally, when a leader encounters obstacles or has to rework a plan, does he attack everyone around him—blaming others for the failure—or accept that there may be a better path to success and rally his team around him to work together to chart a new course?

Narcissists can’t stand failure and refuse to take personal responsibility when projects go awry. Charismatic leaders don’t like failure any more than the rest of us, but they can respond constructively while building a new focus for the team.

Charismatic leaders will take you and your colleagues to places you never imagined. Their positive energy radiates throughout the room and gets everyone on board—it’s like a “positive vibration” that connects each of you and to the team leader. These are leaders who rise above the rest, recognizing and expressing appreciation for the value each member brings to the team.