Recent articles have claimed that researchers can identify narcissists (as defined by the DSM-5) by asking just one question: “Are you a narcissist?” Simple enough, I suppose; like asking an impatient person, “Are you impatient?” they’d probably respond, “Yes, and are we done yet?” But what if we could ask narcissists more than one question? Here’s what their answers would look like*:
- I love myself and I know you love me too; in fact, everyone loves me—and if they don’t, it’s their loss.
- I do not need to apologize; however, you should understand, accept, and tolerate me no matter what I do.
- I have few equals in this world, and so far I haven’t met any.
- I’m surrounded by people who don’t live up to my expectations; without me, they’d just flounder.
- I appreciate that there are rules and obligations, but they mostly apply to you because I don’t have the time or desire to abide by them.
- I hope you appreciate all that I am and all that I have achieved for you.
- I hope that we are equals, but we are not and never will be, and I will regularly remind you that I am the smartest person in the room.
- I may come across as arrogant and conceited, and that’s fine with me – I just don’t want to be seen as the same as you.
- I expect you to be loyal to me at all times, no matter what I do; however, don’t expect the same from me.
- I will criticize you and expect you to accept it, but if you criticize me, especially in public, I will confront you with anger. One more thing: I will never forget or forgive.
- I expect you to be interested in what I have achieved and what I have to say; I, on the other hand, am not at all interested in you and what you have achieved, so don’t expect too much curiosity from me.
- I’m not manipulative – I just like things done my way, no matter how much it upsets or makes others feel.
