Anyone who remembers watching The Wizard of Oz as a child probably remembers how terrifying the flying monkeys that accompanied the Wicked Witch of the West were. The Witch sent these monkeys to do her dirty work, and since then the phrase has become synonymous with people who end up doing the narcissist’s dirty work.

The flying monkeys fall into the narcissist’s trap – often to harm someone else’s life. The narcissist may use their flying monkeys as a middle pig, carrying information from party to party. The flying monkey may use manipulation tactics, overt aggression, and guilt-tripping to make the other person feel bad and weak while supporting the narcissist. They often participate in advocating for the narcissist’s cause. Narcissists love to have at least one flying monkey because it makes them feel important and means they can appear superior to those below them (on either side) who are caught up in the messy parts of the drama.

The narcissist often recruits his or her flying monkeys from other family members, such as siblings, spouses, or children. Close friends or coworkers may also become flying monkeys: I’m sure we’ve all encountered bosses or political leaders who couldn’t function without a group of assistants ready to get their hands dirty.

Rosie described how she was her brother’s flying monkey until she realized she was involved in a potentially illegal activity. “I felt very threatened by my brother,” she told me. “He’s very aggressive and emotionally abusive and I felt safer staying with him. This would include picking on our other brother, sending emails, and generally defending my brother whenever he acted out of line. “I got to the point where I was blind to the difference between right and wrong. I just wanted to be his best friend because I saw him as the strongest in the family, and that kept him from turning on me.”

Some reasons why people turn into flying monkeys include:

Self-preservation and protection. Rosie’s motivation for becoming a flying monkey for her brother was understandable and based on self-preservation. Like other people who do dirty work on behalf of narcissists, she paid little, if any, attention to the impact of her actions. Her need to take care of herself was far greater than her need to protect anyone else. Allying with the person who is perceived as the most powerful member of the family or organization is one reason why people adopt this role. Telling stories, spreading misinformation, and using manipulation techniques against anyone who dares to question the narcissist may mean that you keep your job and don’t find yourself on the receiving end of the narcissist’s wrath.

Rescuing the Narcissistic “Victim.” If you tend to fall into the role of rescuer, you may feel tempted to defend the narcissist who blames everyone and everything for anything that goes wrong in their life. Defending a narcissist fulfills your innate need to feel valued and needed because of your role as a savior.

Loss of sense of self. Some Flying Monkeys are so threatened by narcissists that they have a much lower capacity than one might expect when it comes to knowing right from wrong. They may have endured years of emotional abuse at the hands of the narcissist and have lost their sense of self and independent decision-making along the way.

Love drama. Some Flying Monkeys truly thrive on drama. When you’re involved with a narcissist, it’s almost inevitable that you’ll be involved in some drama along the way. What could beat the adrenaline of being caught up in lies, secrecy, and deception?

Being a narcissist. Flying Monkeys often have strong narcissistic traits, including a desire for attention, a lack of empathy, and a desire to bully and manipulate others. They may be involved in a family, work, or other situation where they know their best chance of fulfilling their narcissistic desires comes from allying with a more powerful narcissist.

If you are tired of being a flying monkey, the narcissist in your life is unlikely to be happy about it, and at the very least, may not want anything to do with you once you stop being useful. Being used by a narcissist to take care of some of the less desirable aspects of their work will always put you in a tense and stressful environment and you should make sure you have the right support in place when you choose to change your role.