Friendships have unspoken rules.
These unspoken rules separate casual relationships from friendships that stand the test of time.
These aren’t just rules; they’ve been tried, tested, and proven to sustain friendships for years to come.
So why not share them with you?
Read on to learn the rules that make friendships that can weather the storms of life.
1) Consistency is Key
In the world of long-lasting friendships, there’s one principle that’s as important as it is unspoken.
Enter the rule of consistency.
Consistency, in this context, doesn’t mean being boring or predictable. It’s about being a reliable friend, someone who’s there for you through the ups and downs year after year.
You see, true friendships aren’t built on sporadic interactions or fleeting moments of connection. They’re built on a steady flow of shared experiences, shared goals, and the comforting reassurance that you’ll always be there for each other.
It’s the unspoken promise that no matter what life throws at you, you can count on each other to show up.
If you’re looking to strengthen your friendships and make them stand the test of time, start by being a consistent friend. Be present. And above all else—be reliable. This unspoken rule is what separates casual acquaintances from lifelong friends.
Keep in mind that consistency isn’t about grand gestures or dramatic statements. It’s about showing up, day in and day out, in the big and small moments. That’s the first rule of friendships that stand the test of time.
2) Silence isn’t always a bad thing
Now, here’s a rule that might surprise you. It’s not about constant communication or being in each other’s pockets 24/7. It’s quite the opposite.
Embrace silence.
You see, in lasting friendships, comfortable silence isn’t just accepted—it’s cherished. Yes, regular communication is vital, but so is the ability to sit in silence without it being awkward.
The beauty of these long-lasting friendships is that they don’t require constant chatter or interaction to maintain. A true friend understands that silence isn’t a sign of disinterest or neglect; it’s an acknowledgment of comfort and mutual trust.
The next time you’re with your friend and there’s a lull in the conversation, don’t rush to fill it. Let it be. Enjoy the shared silence and the comfort it brings. It’s a sign of a mature friendship that has stood the test of time.
Don’t be afraid of silence; embrace it as an integral part of your friendship journey.
3) Boundaries Are Essential
Now, let’s talk about a rule that may not seem obvious at first but is vital—the importance of boundaries.
In my experience, the friendships that last are those where each party respects the other’s boundaries. These boundaries may be about personal space, time, or emotional capacity. Respecting them shows that you value the other person’s independence and individuality.
I delve into this in my book, Breaking the Attachment: How to Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship. Although this book is primarily about romantic relationships, the principles apply to friendships as well.
Setting boundaries doesn’t mean pushing your friend away. Quite the opposite. It’s about creating a healthy space for your relationship to grow without co-dependency.
So, on your journey to building friendships that stand the test of time, don’t forget to set and respect boundaries. They’re not just for romantic relationships—they’re essential for friendships, too.
4) Empathy Isn’t Optional
A rule that’s close to my heart and non-negotiable in long-term friendships is empathy.
Empathy is the ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes, and understand and share their feelings. It’s more than just empathy; it’s about feeling for your friend, not just for them.
In the wise words of American author and poet Maya Angelou: “I think we all have empathy. We just may not have the courage to show it.”
Empathy builds bridges, deepens connections, and fosters understanding. It’s the glue that holds friendships together during difficult times.
In your quest for lasting friendships, make empathy a priority. Be there for your friends, whether in their joy or their pain. Reflect on their feelings and share their experiences. Remember, a friend who truly empathizes is a friend indeed.
5) Honesty is the best policy
Here’s another rule I cherish in my friendships. It’s simple, timeless, and can’t be overstated – honesty.
In any friendship worthy of respect, honesty should never be optional. It’s the foundation upon which trust is built, and without trust, a friendship cannot stand the test of time.
Believe me, I learned this lesson the hard way.
Honesty doesn’t mean being blunt or insensitive. It’s about being honest in a kind and respectful way. It’s about having those tough conversations when they’re needed, and admitting your mistakes when you’re wrong.
Try not to forget, if you want your friendship to last, always choose to be honest. It may not always be easy, but it’s always worth it.
6) Forgiveness is freedom
Now, here’s a rule that may be hard to follow but is essential – forgiveness.
As human beings, it’s natural for us to make mistakes. It’s part of our nature. But what matters is how we handle these mistakes—our own and those of our friends.
Nelson Mandela once said, “Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and hoping it kills your enemies.” This couldn’t be more true when it comes to friendships.
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In my own life, I’ve found that holding onto grudges only leads to bitterness and resentment. It’s a heavy burden. True freedom lies in forgiveness. It allows us to let go of the past and look forward to the future.
If you want your friendships to last, learn how to forgive. It’s not about forgetting or forgiving the mistake. It’s about freeing yourself from the burden of resentment.
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7) It’s OK to Let Go
Finally, here’s a rule that’s probably the hardest to accept—sometimes, it’s OK to let go.
No one wants to think about the end of a friendship. It hurts and it hurts. But the truth is, not all friendships are designed to stand the test of time.
Some friendships serve a purpose at a certain point in our lives, and when that time passes, it’s okay to move on. That doesn’t mean you’ve failed or that the friendship wasn’t meaningful. It simply means you’re growing, and sometimes, growth involves letting go.
Be kind to yourself. Cherish memories, learn from experiences, and don’t be afraid to say goodbye when the time comes. Remember, every ending is also a new beginning.
Embrace the Journey
Friendship is a journey, not a destination, filled with moments that shape us and people who change us. The bonds we build along the way are rooted in shared experiences, mutual respect, and a deep understanding of each other’s limitations.
These “unspoken rules” we’ve discussed aren’t just about maintaining friendships, they’re about fostering a deeper connection with those we care about. They’re about nurturing mutual growth, embracing change, and recognizing that sometimes, it’s okay to let go.
The complexities of friendship often mirror the complexities of life itself. But remember, even in the face of challenges or misunderstandings, the core principles always hold—honesty, compassion, tolerance, and mutual respect.
In the spirit of fostering this discussion and delving into the complexities of relationships, I’d like to share a video by Justin Brown. He discusses the importance of embracing life’s challenges rather than constantly pursuing happiness.
This insight aligns with our discussion of lasting friendships and how they often involve embracing difficult conversations and navigating difficult times together.
Life is full of unexpected twists and turns, and friendships are no exception. But if we adhere to these unspoken rules and learn how to navigate this journey with grace and understanding, we can cultivate friendships that stand the test of time.
