Do you know someone who constantly needs approval, attention, and praise?
Then you may be dealing with someone needy.
While we all have needs, especially on a social level, needy people struggle to control these needs and become controlling of those around them.
According to couples therapist Julie Noland, neediness is a set of behaviors that revolve around the belief: “I am unable to see my worth, and I need you to make me feel better about myself and my world.”
In this article, we will look at 6 behaviors of needy people, and then discuss how to deal with them.
1) They need to be around people all the time.
You may be dealing with someone who is extremely needy if you find that they cannot be alone for long periods.
They feel the need to be around people to feel happy and entertained. Aside from being an extrovert (someone who gets energy from other people), they may also be a needy person.
According to Marcia Reynolds, Ph.D., a psychologist, in Psychology Today, one of the main reasons people tend to be needy is that social needs fuel our drive to “connect with others and succeed.”
After all, Reynolds suggests, “your needs arise from your ego identity, which is formed based on what you’ve discovered will help you survive and thrive.”
Needy people are likely to unconsciously believe that being around other people all the time is crucial to their survival.
To the extent that they may be right, they may be a little too enthusiastic about it.
This isn’t a bad thing if they surround themselves with people who also want to be around lots of other people all the time, but it can be a problem if they’re hanging out with the wrong people who want to be left alone.
So try to give them some slack. We all have social needs, and they may have more needs in this area than you do.
2) They need the approval of others for what they do.
Needy people tend to ask a lot of others, so if they always discuss ideas with friends or family members before doing anything, they may be disadvantaged.
But that’s not the end of the world, it’s just a matter of trust.
3) They ask for others’ opinions before making decisions.
A person’s neediness may be evident when they are faced with the need to make a decision.
If they look to everyone but themselves to tell them what to do, it may be because they are trying to make sure they don’t let anyone down.
It may also be because they don’t trust themselves and need others to tell them how to act or guide their choices.
Then if they turn out to be wrong in their endeavors, they may blame other people for influencing that decision.
Not only are they playing the victim in the story, but they also claim ignorance of what happened.
Again, at the heart of attachment theory is the assumption that every human being has a basic drive to connect and feel part of a social group.
When someone is having trouble making a decision, it could be a direct indication that they are afraid of making the wrong decision on behalf of the group, which could lead to rejection.
As mentioned earlier, this could be because they were rejected as children.
4) They need others to tell them they are right.
Needy people have a unique ability to prove themselves right. If they can’t be wrong, it could be because they are disadvantaged.
Even when they know they are completely wrong, do they still work to prove some elements of their argument right?
This is because they would lose confidence in themselves if others knew they were wrong. It’s a pride thing.
5) They need to be front and center.
Neediness afflicts us all from time to time and there is nothing wrong with needing to lean your head on someone’s shoulder for care and compassion.
But if this is their deal 24/7 and they no longer seem to have a shoulder to cry on, they may need to look at what you are doing to get people out of their lives.
If they have to be the center of attention all the time, it’s time to think about why that is and do some work on improving their outlook and interactions with others.
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It’s not a curse and can be reversed so that not only can they turn to people in their times of need, but they can also be there for people who may need their help as well.
If they’re always looking to be rescued, it’s time to adjust.
Start by offering help to other people and then take it day by day and acknowledge when they allow themselves to be the victim.
Because a needy person needs to realize that if you force yourself to be the center of attention in everything, you’re inevitably pushing people away.
6) They’re Very Jealous
If you’ve ever dated a needy person, you’ve probably noticed that they get extremely jealous whenever you talk to someone of the opposite sex.
Part of this has to do with insecurity as well. They may be afraid that they’re not good enough for their partner, or that they don’t trust their partner completely.
The problem is that when someone is jealous, they tend to act quite irrationally, which can be a tough burden to deal with if you’re dating a needy, jealous person.
It’s important to keep in mind that emotionally stable people can also engage in the behaviors listed above. The above signs should only point to a needy person if they’re consistent over a significant period.
Also, sometimes it’s important to realize that the person you’re dealing with isn’t needy in terms of their personality, but it may be a dynamic for your relationship. For example, if you’re the boss, they’re likely craving your approval so they can get a promotion.
How to Deal with a Needy Person
Whether you’ve just survived your first encounter with a needy person or you’ve been trying to fend off a certain person for years now, you need a strategy to make this type of relationship work.
You may have noticed that the needy person in your life is mostly a “receiver” and doesn’t have much room in their life to help you out of a jam, deal with your problems, or even just offer a kind word now and then.
If you decide to support this person, or even allow them into your life even for a little while, you will need to set some rules, give yourself plenty of space away from them, and remember to put your needs before theirs.
