Love bombing is the secret weapon used by narcissists.
In this article, we discuss everything you need to know about this subtle and dangerous manipulation tactic—what love bombing is, what signs of love bombing are, and what you can do about it.
What exactly is love bombing?
In simple terms, love bombing is a type of romantic manipulation.
It is often used by toxic and narcissistic individuals, who have experienced love bombing firsthand (from their parents or other relationships in their lives).
Love bombing is the manipulation of a victim into a romantic partnership through exaggerated displays of affection at the beginning of a relationships.
The purpose of love bombing is to render them helpless and vulnerable to the manipulator.
In other words, the victim is relentlessly “bombarded” with love at the beginning of the relationship, making them believe that they must match the intense commitment of the relationship, which becomes an impossible endeavor.
This leaves the victim feeling deeply indebted to their supposed romantic partner, and thus vulnerable to anything their partner might want from them.
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What is the purpose of love bombing?
Love bombs are actions to gain your love and trust. They can be compliments, flattery, romance, or promises of the future.
Once they have your trust, they’re in control. The narcissist will manipulate you to get what they want.
They’ll shape your role in the relationship and see you as a supporting cast to the hero (which you are, of course).
If you’re not 100% focused on the love bomber, they’ll get angry. They won’t be able to understand that you have other things going on in your life.
But here’s the fun part:
Narcissists struggle to maintain mutually beneficial relationships.
In other words, the relationship will only benefit them, and over time, you’ll be left in the dark to heal your emotional wounds.
Now here’s the main issue:
It can be really hard to know when it’s happening to you.
After all, not everyone romantic and sweet is a narcissist.
So how do you tell the difference between genuine expressions of love and the actions of a love-bombing narcissist?
15 Clear Signs of Love Bombing
If you’re not sure whether or not you’re a victim of a love bombing, here are fifteen clear signs of a love bombing.
While an individual sign doesn’t necessarily mean your romantic partner is love bombing, the majority of the signs combined should raise red flags for you:
- “I love you” comes easy to them
All relationships have their own pace, so an early “I love you” isn’t necessarily a bad sign. But a mature partner understands that love is something you should think about before you say it.
If your partner wants to skip the natural process of falling in love, they may be the type to love the bomb, or they may just be a hopeless romantic.
What can you do?
When it comes to falling in love with someone, the magic seems real, but the reality is very different.
If someone rushes into your life and you find yourself drawn to them, you’ll be right to question the legitimacy of the relationship and your partner’s motives.
This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t trust the relationship, but you should be wary of any relationship that seems to come out of nowhere and answer all your prayers.
It may be too good to be true, and this person may be genuinely trying to trick you so they can manipulate you later.
You’ll find that over time, their behavior changes and they seem to want things from you instead of making you feel like the special person you are.
This is the beginning of the end of these narcissistic relationships.
Keep your wits about you and know when things are moving too fast.
Remember that true love grows slowly and moving fast is not what some people think. Only by moving slowly can a satisfying and intimate relationship develop.
In other words:
Take things slowly, respect yourself, love yourself, and don’t fall too quickly for someone desperate to impress you.
- They Always Say the Right Things Love bombers are very experienced at manipulation, so they know how to push the right buttons at exactly the right times.
They always feel like they know exactly what to say at the right moments to make you fall deeper in love with them, to the point where it feels a little weird.
- It’s too good to be true
No relationship is perfect. But for some reason, your relationship with your love bomb is flawless in every way.
They make you feel amazing, special, and loved at all times, especially at the beginning of the relationship. You never feel satisfied and you have doubts that something else might be happening.
- They’re Incredibly Fast
In addition to saying “I love you” very early in the relationship, they also want to tackle other relationship milestones at a rapid pace.
Things like meeting your parents, traveling to other countries, and moving in together—relationship milestones that usually take months if not years to build, love bombs want to accomplish in days or weeks.
- They Live on Grand Gestures
It feels like you can never have a normal date with your love bomb. Almost every time you see them, there’s something new that surprises you.
Once-in-a-lifetime experiences like hot air balloon rides, plane tickets to Paris, or writing songs or poems about you—these are normal occurrences in your relationship with them.
- The compliments never end
You’re beautiful, smart, amazing, funny, sexy, incredible, absolutely gorgeous, and so much more.
While occasional compliments are never a bad thing, love bombing bombards its victim with compliments to the point where no compliment from anyone else means anything anymore.
In short, love bombing is all about abundance. It’s about making someone feel overwhelmed by your affection, giving them time to move from one sign of affection to the next without really processing it.
Some readers may wonder, “What’s wrong with all this?” You may see love bombing as an overly affectionate partner, and some people love to be pampered and treated like queens.
But the truth is, the good part of love bombing only happens at the beginning when the love bomber is trying to win over his victim. Once he gets what he wants, the love suddenly disappears.
- When You’re in a Bad Situation, They’ll Act Like They’re Your Savior
A narcissist’s eyes will light up when you’re in a bad situation.
Finally, this is their chance to take control.
They’ll make it seem like they’re the hero and without them, you’d be in trouble. They’ll remind you of this a lot in subtle ways.
Here’s what you need to watch out for:
The main difference between someone who genuinely helps you out of the goodness of their heart and a narcissist is that a genuine person won’t make a big deal out of it.
They’re focused on helping you and won’t need to get anything out of it. They’re not looking for a reaction from you.
RELATED:Is Your Mother an Exhibitionist Narcissist?
A narcissist is the complete opposite.
A narcissist will help you while expecting admiration from you. They’ll tell you that what they’re doing is kind and helpful.
What can they do for you?
Pay attention to their reactions when they help you. A narcissist will talk about how helpful and kind they are, even if the problem is yours.
Related: The Hero Instinct: How to Trigger It in Your Man
- They Want You to Think They’re the Best Person You’ve Ever Dated
Love bombing is all about getting you addicted to them. They want you to like them so they can eventually manipulate you to get what they want.
They want you to think you can’t do better.
So how will a narcissist do this?
They will ask questions about your exes. They will likely insult them and try to make them look like losers.
After all, they are trying to compare themselves and make them look better. They want you to realize how lucky you are to be dating them.
Here’s what they do:
They simply lower your self-worth to a level that will make you manipulate them and make them think you are truly lucky to have them.
What can you do?
If they drop subtle hints about how great they are, or how superior they are to the exes you dated, be aware of how selfish and weak they are.
Beware of attempts to lower your self-worth. They may attack you and try to belittle you. Tell them why they are wrong and then walk away!
Don’t fall for these selfish tricks. Love and respect yourself and don’t let the narcissist diminish your self-worth.
(To learn how to gain mental strength in the face of toxic people and narcissists, check out Hack Spirit’s eBook: The Art of Resilience: A Practical Guide to Developing Mental Strength)
- They Keep Asking About Bad Things in Your Life
A narcissist will do this for several reasons:
1) They want to offer you solutions so it looks like they’re the hero (as we discussed above).
2) They want to devalue you so you’ll admire them and think how great they are.
3) They want ammunition for when they hurt you later in the relationship.
What can you do?
If they keep bringing up your bad times in the past, beware.
A real person will be happy to talk about them, but they won’t always bring them up. There’s a time and a place for these discussions.
Be wary of them and be suspicious of someone who regularly brings up the bad times in your life. Tell them that’s weird and you’ll survive if they don’t stop.
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- They’re not direct, and they take back what they initially said
Narcissists who love failure care about their appearance, and they want to impress you.
But here’s the interesting part:
That means they’ll say something, and then when they see that your reaction isn’t good, they’ll change what they said.
They suddenly realize that this makes them look bad.
At first, you won’t think much of it. But if it happens consistently, you won’t be able to trust what they say.
They’re more concerned with how they look to you than being themselves.
Narcissists don’t care about being honest or authentic.
They want to appear like the perfect partner so that they can eventually manipulate you.
So here’s what to keep in mind:
The original statement they made shows who they are.
- They’re always giving you gifts
Now don’t get me wrong. Gifts aren’t exactly a bad thing. But when they do it repeatedly, they’re trying to buy your love.
That’s not real.
The real reason they do this is because they want you to feel like you “owe” them, which is the perfect scenario for a narcissist.
It’s an easy way to buy your love, so you fall into the trap of trusting them.
What can you do?
It’s great when someone showers you with gifts and sweet gestures, but when there are expectations attached to those gifts, the feelings get lost, and the feeling starts to creep in.
If your new love is looking for you to “owe” them for the things they’ve done for you, that kind of defeats the purpose of doing nice things, right?
It may not be a problem at first, because that’s how these narcissists work: They want you to feel showered with love so they can make you feel guilty for not returning the favor.
It’s a slippery slope and you may not realize it right away, but trust us, there’s a catch.
We should be suspicious of anyone who showers us with gifts and attention “just because” they have ulterior motives.
That’s not to say that everyone will turn into an indifferent bomber, but chances are that this person is looking for someone in return that goes beyond a roll in the blankets.
- The affection you get will be superficial
Love bombing is superficial, so it makes sense that the affection they give you will be superficial.
After all, love bombing is just a way to get you to invest in them.
What can you do?
Be wary when they mention aspects of your behavior or personality that aren’t real.
Or if they say things like “You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever met” after only two dates.
- They treat others like trash
This is a golden truth about identifying narcissists that many people overlook.
If they’re a narcissist, they’ll treat others like trash, especially people who are “below” them.
Remember:
This is easy to notice, so pay attention to how they treat others.
For example, when you go to a coffee shop together, are they rude to the waitress?
If this becomes a pattern, then they’re a toxic person who you should stay away from.
- Something’s not right
Do you get a weird feeling from them? Is there something not right about them? Did they miss a hint when you rejected their advances? Do they compliment you on things that aren’t real?
As we mentioned above, love bombing is superficial. When something isn’t real, it doesn’t feel right.
What can you do?
The truth is, when something feels wrong, it usually is. So trust your instincts and walk away.
You may think you want someone to be under your thumb, or you may dream of someone who looks up to you in every way, but when you see this type of relationship in real life, it looks completely different than you thought.
What might start as romance can quickly turn into discomfort and even stalking?
A romantic gesture, like sending flowers to your office on Wednesday, is great, but calling three times to see if you got them, what you thought of them, and what your coworkers think of the gesture is weird. Just weird.
Setting boundaries can help with this, but only if you see it as a problem and not just an excited partner.
- You’re in a never-ending cycle of emotions
Does nothing seem to stay the same in your relationship?
One moment you feel great, and the next you feel like a terrible person.
This is what narcissists do. They’re skilled manipulators. They’ll compliment you and make you feel like you’re a great person. Then they’ll belittle you, abuse you, and make you feel like the worst person in the world.
What can you do? If you find yourself going through ups and downs that you’ve never experienced before, recognize that this is psychological abuse.
The healthiest relationships are the stable ones.
