Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is one of 10 clinically recognized personality disorders described in the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-V), along with antisocial personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, obsessive-compulsive personality disorder, and others.
Please note the implication here: Narcissism is an extremely rare, clinically recognizable mental health disorder, not a character flaw. Only licensed mental health professionals can diagnose someone with NPD—so claiming that your partner/parent/spouse/co-worker is a narcissist, in the absence of such a diagnosis, is likely incorrect.
Yes, someone you know may exhibit narcissistic traits or tendencies, including controlling or manipulative behavior (e.g., emotional manipulation), selfishness, or low empathy. These traits can be painful and difficult to deal with. But that doesn’t necessarily mean that the person you know is actually a narcissist. In the same way that it is wrong (and often hurtful) to call someone “schizophrenic” or accuse them of having “OCD,” it is equally offensive to call someone a narcissist simply because they sometimes exhibit some of the traits inherent in the disorder.
Coping with Someone with Narcissistic Tendencies
As it stands, people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder require intensive, long-term psychotherapy and/or medication to manage their behaviors, improve their coping skills, and heal their relationships. Unfortunately, people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder are unlikely to seek treatment, often because they don’t believe anything is wrong or don’t care much about how their behaviors affect others.
People who exhibit narcissistic traits can benefit from psychotherapy as well. They may respond better to counseling and may be more likely to seek professional help in the first place, although this remains highly individual.
Of course, this doesn’t necessarily mean that things are hopeless if you have a loved one who exhibits narcissistic behaviors. But it does mean that you will need to employ some helpful tactics to protect your safety. If your partner, parent, family member, or friend is exhibiting narcissistic tendencies,
Here are some things you can do that may help:
Engage in an ongoing acceptance practice. Understand that you can’t change them.
Remember that what they say about you and how they treat you is a reflection of them, not you, and that you are not responsible for their words, feelings, or actions.
Get a support system. Rely on other family members, friends, or a counselor who can help you cope and give you the confidence, love, and kind words you need and deserve.
Set clear boundaries (e.g., “No name-calling or insults”). Tell the person what the consequences will be if they cross your boundaries (e.g., you will leave the conversation). Finally, be sure to follow through on these consequences. Consider trying the “gray rock” approach by keeping your interactions with this person factual, unemotional, and brief. If they see your responses as “uninteresting” or realize they can’t get you angry, the person may reduce or stop their toxic interaction. (Note: There are potential risks to this technique, including escalating abusive behaviors, so be careful when exploring this approach.)
Know when to disconnect or walk away (for example, if abusive behaviors escalate or if your safety is at risk). Do what you need to do to prepare yourself for this transition and keep yourself and others safe.
Finally, if you know someone who truly has NPD, be sure to meet with a licensed mental health counselor—even if they don’t. NPD is a lifelong, intense, and challenging condition, and loved ones can greatly benefit from professional guidance.
