Key Points

Narcissistic injury can occur when individuals with narcissistic traits experience criticism, loss, or abandonment from others.
Narcissism stems largely from a poor sense of self and feelings of low self-worth.

It is important to know yourself and your values ​​and not compromise on the person with narcissistic traits and how they choose to view you.

We all have narcissistic traits that help us form a coherent sense of self. These traits exist on a spectrum, with most of us falling within the average range. However, when someone veers toward the more extreme end of this curve, it can make personal relationships and attachments difficult.

WhatIsNarcissism?

If you find yourself interacting with someone who consistently makes you feel “less than,” you may know a little about narcissistic traits. When these traits are taken to their extremes, they may indicate diagnosable narcissistic personality disorder, of which there are two main subtypes.

The first type, grandiose narcissism, is the most common subtype and is detailed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition. These individuals have an inflated sense of self, exaggerate their accomplishments, and have a need and desire for control. They tend to lack empathy for others and seek constant validation and admiration. They may become easily angered or withdrawn when they don’t get what they want or when others don’t immediately embrace their values ​​and views.

The second subtype is referred to as covert or vulnerable narcissism and tends to present a less overt display. These individuals seem to belittle themselves, suggesting that they’re not good enough, in the hope that you’ll build them back up. They’re extremely sensitive to criticism, and you may feel like you’re walking on eggshells around them.

It’s important to remember that narcissism stems largely from a poor sense of self and feelings of low self-worth. These individuals must make themselves feel important to eliminate the idea that they’re insufficient in any way.

NarcissisticInjury

These traits typically remain latent and unproblematic until what’s known as “narcissistic injury” is triggered. Narcissistic injury occurs when individuals experience criticism, loss, or perceived abandonment from others. During these times, these individuals may feel humiliated and rejected.

But instead of expressing these feelings of vulnerability, they lash out in anger. This can manifest in explosive arguments, gaslighting, physical violence, and emotional shutdowns, among other reactions. One serious example of this is domestic violence. A partner with high levels of narcissistic traits may realize that their partner is leaving or cheating on them and may engage in physical violence to try to get over them.

5 Ways to Deal with Narcissistic Relationships

Recognize the Signs: People with narcissistic traits can be charming on the surface. However, over time, you may begin to notice that when you or others inadvertently criticize them, they may react in maladaptive ways. Know that this has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them and their feelings of low self-esteem. It is best to walk away from these situations so that you do not get drawn into an argument.
Learn How to De-escalate the Situation: If you find yourself in a situation where you have triggered a narcissistic wound, it is important to remain calm and create physical distance when possible. Use low, deep tones, and avoid raising your voice or speaking too quickly. It’s also important to be specific and kind, but firm about the behavior you will accept. For example, “Please sit down,” “Please lower your voice and don’t yell at me,” or “Please don’t slap your arms like that. Please keep them down.”

Set clear boundaries: People with these traits may feel entitled to treat you however they want. It’s important to be clear about what is and isn’t acceptable when it comes to your personal, physical, emotional, sexual, and financial boundaries. Be assertive, use “I” statements, and make your needs known. If they don’t respect or respond to these boundaries, it reinforces the need for these boundaries in the first place.

Know that abuse is not your fault: Someone with these traits will rarely admit their mistakes or take responsibility for their role in conflicts. They will never take responsibility for hurting you. Instead, they will project their insecurities onto you. For example, if they feel they lack morals, they will accuse you of lacking morals. It is important to know yourself and your values ​​and not compromise them and the way they choose to see you. Leave: Although relationships are complicated and rarely as easy as “letting go,” physical, verbal, and sexual abuse often continues and worsens if the abuser does not get help. Reach out to supportive people around you and seek help through your insurance or mental health clinics. We can never change others, but we can choose who we surround ourselves with.