“That’s enough of me talking about myself—let’s hear you talk about me!”
― Anonymous Narcissist
“It’s not easy being superior to everyone I know!”
― Anonymous Narcissist
People with narcissistic personality disorder believe they are superior to others and care little about other people’s feelings. But behind this mask of overconfidence lies a fragile self-esteem, vulnerable to the slightest criticism.” Here are eleven common narcissistic traits, with excerpts from my books: How to Successfully Deal with Narcissists and A Practical Guide for Narcissists to Transform Your Higher Self.
Conversation Hoarder – Narcissists love to hear themselves talk, or hear others talk about them. They enjoy being the center of attention.
Conversation Interrupter – Many narcissists love to interrupt others and shift the focus of communication to themselves. They show little genuine interest in you.
Rule Breaker – Enjoys getting away with violating social rules and norms, such as cutting in line, chronically not paying tips, or breaking traffic laws.
“I pride myself on convincing people to make exceptions to their rules.”
―Anonymous Narcissist
Boundary Breaker – Shows a deliberate disregard for others’ thoughts, feelings, time, possessions, and physical space.
Image Projection – Loves to do things To impress others by making themselves look good on the outside.
“My accomplishments are everything.”
― Anonymous CEO
“What my mother displays in public and how she is are completely different.”
― Anonymous
Entitlement – Expect preferential treatment from others. Demands that others meet their needs (often immediately), without consideration in return. In their mind, the world revolves around them.
“Are you sick? How about taking me to the mall?”
― Anonymous Narcissist
Charming – Narcissists can be very charming and sociable, as long as you fulfill their desires and give them your full attention.
Grandiosity – Some narcissists have an inflated sense of self-importance, thinking of themselves as a hero or heroine, a prince or princess, or a unique special person.
“I saved the day again – without me they are nothing!”
― Anonymous Narcissist
Superior/Inferior Orientation – Inability to treat individuals as equals. Narcissists either assume an inferior position and submit to you, or a superior position and assume that they are better than you in some way. Both superior and inferior positions are calculated to persuade you to give them what they want—that’s the purpose of relationships with them.
Negative Emotions – Many narcissists enjoy spreading and stirring up negative emotions to gain attention, feel powerful, and keep you insecure and unbalanced.
“Some people try to be tall by cutting off other people’s heads.”
— Paramahansa Yogananda
Manipulation: Using Others as Extensions of Self – Narcissists often make decisions on behalf of others to suit their own needs. A narcissist may use a romantic partner, child, friend, or colleague to satisfy unreasonable selfish needs, fulfill unfulfilled dreams, or cover up perceived shortcomings and flaws.
Many narcissists ignore their negative and often self-destructive behavior patterns, which often leads to them learning life lessons the hard way. Here are eight common setbacks and failures in the lives of narcissists. Negative consequences of chronic narcissism may include one or more of the following:
- Family Alienation – Numerous studies have examined the relationship between narcissism and difficult family relationships.(1)(2)(3)(4)
- Divorce – Research has also shown the enormous negative impact that narcissism has on romantic relationships and marriage.(5)(6)(7)(8)
- Breaking Up – Because narcissists “use” rather than “connect,” they tend to leave behind many broken relationships. Narcissists also experience relationship breakdowns due to others feeling let down, disappointed, lied to, exploited, manipulated, abused, exploited, betrayed, deceived, humiliated, invalidated, or ignored.
- Loneliness and Isolation – Because of the first three factors described above, most narcissists have few, if any, healthy, close, lasting relationships. Some high-functioning narcissists achieve external success in life – at the expense of others – and find themselves alone at the top.
- Missed opportunities – due to lack of real substance and/or lack of connection.
- Financial, professional, or legal problems – due to rule-breaking, gross irresponsibility, negligence, or other unwise behavior.
- Damaged reputation – due to lack of personal and/or professional credibility.
- Deep fear of rejection/insignificance – Many narcissists are easily upset by any real or perceived slights or neglect. They are constantly haunted by the insecurity that people may not see them as the distinct, powerful, popular, or “special” individuals they make themselves out to be. Deep down, many narcissists feel like the “ugly duckling,” even if they don’t want to admit it.
Can a narcissist change for the better? Maybe. But only if they are fully aware and willing to go through the courageous process of self-discovery. For narcissists who are no longer willing to play the charade at the expense of real relationships and authenticity, there are ways to break free from the fake and gradually move toward the higher self.
