Key Points

Financial abuse is one way narcissists gain and maintain control in a relationship.

Narcissists are incapable of feeling empathy, so they won’t care about someone else’s debt or financial ruin.

Brand names and price tags are more important to narcissists than actual love.

Of the many obsessions of narcissists, money ranks first. Not only does money provide security and stability, it also provides narcissists with one of their favorite tactics: control.

Financial abuse is very common in narcissistic relationships and can take many forms, from hiding assets during a divorce to charging for trips to the store. What many people don’t realize is that financial abuse can occur even when casually dating and before wedding bells or divorce bills roll in.

DatingANarcissist

Dating is very expensive indeed. From finding a partner to preparing for the actual meeting, getting ready to impress someone is not for the weak or light-hearted. When you end up dating a narcissist, you can expect your costs to skyrocket. Many dating sites are initially free to sign up, but eventually cost money to upgrade or message other users. Sites range in membership fees from a few dollars per month to longer subscriptions to monthly packages, such as those offered by JDate or Match (Healthy Framework).

In 2017, singles reported spending an average of $1,600 on dating, which includes dating apps, dating activities, and hair/makeup/clothes (Alan, 2017). However, while most of these costs have changed or adjusted due to the pandemic, 44% of singles said in 2019 that their dating finances remained the same (Singles in America, 2021). For example, while dining costs have decreased, singles may be spending more on other things, such as gifts for their significant other.

If you’re wondering if your new partner is a narcissist, look at how they spend your money. Is they content with a glass of wine with dinner or just an iced tea, or does they need the whole bottle regardless of the price? If you show up with a carnation, is he happy or is he expecting roses? Narcissists are obsessed with looking better than others, which means your dates and gifts will be posted on social media as soon as possible. These individuals have very low self-esteem and self-worth and instead project a false persona to the public. They are extremely jealous of what others have, but at the same time they believe that people are jealous of them. Additionally, expensive gifts and comments made on their photos feed their intense need for admiration.

For more tips on dealing with narcissism, see my books