Humans can be hardwired to notice negative or difficult things in their lives—and this is helpful when there is something that can and should be changed, transformed, or healed.
However, sometimes, we can focus too much on the flaws or negative aspects of a relationship, whether it’s with a friend, romantic partner, coworker, neighbor, or family member. Paying too much attention to what’s negative or unpleasant can be exhausting for you and others—and damaging to the relationship as a whole.
Some relationships may need a major makeover or even a complete release. Other times, there’s simply a need to rebalance the energy of the relationship by noticing, praising, and celebrating what’s good and nourishing in the relationship.
Try this three-step process to see if you can rebalance the positive energy between you and another person:
- Set an intention to notice what’s good and nourishing in the relationship
If you’re upset or frustrated with the other person, noticing what’s good and nourishing will involve shifting gears in your mind.
You may have fallen into a neurologically consuming pattern of noticing habits or personality traits in someone that can frustrate or even upset you. There may be things you like or even love about this person that have become obscured by constant observations about what bothers you about them.
Like a chef who knows when a soup is a little too peppery, by noticing what you like about this person or value in a relationship, you add other complementary notes of flavor to balance it out.
There is a recipe for a more balanced energy relationship between you and another person. Experiment with what to add or emphasize! You may realize that certain activities, topics of conversation, or rhythms around the amount of time you spend together are the perfect ingredients for your relationship.
- Find ways to compliment the other person
Perhaps the most profound gift we can give to others is to see and accept them for who they are.
You may find a natural opportunity to compliment a coworker for a unique contribution to a meeting, a romantic partner for a helpful task they do regularly that goes unnoticed, or a friend about one of their quirky traits that always makes you smile.
Complimenting others is an easy way to deposit an emotional deposit in a relationship. And because we can get lost in the busyness of our days or thoughts, complimenting someone else is also a gentle way to pause and practice being more present in the moment.
Granting someone else a genuine compliment on their authenticity can bring a dose of healing heart energy to a struggling relationship.
- Celebrate the relationship in some way with the other person
This might be a way to show gratitude for the relationship as a whole, despite any rough patches.
It might be inviting a professional colleague out to lunch and expressing your gratitude for the alliance as you receive the check. Or it might be sending a card to your sibling on their birthday with a handwritten note inside expressing your gratitude. You might celebrate a relationship milestone with a good friend by sharing your gratitude in an email or text message that the friendship has now gone strong for three years, ten years, or twenty years.
When you try to do this, the other person usually responds in kind, as the default human response can be to mirror the other person’s energy.
Celebrating the relationship is an energy-boosting tool that both you and the other person can feel. This strengthens your bond so that when moments of friction arise, you can often move past them more easily, allowing the conflict to fade into the background more quickly as you focus instead on the bigger picture of the relationship and what’s worthwhile in it.
Conclusion
Try this energy technique with someone you think you might be able to rebalance your relationship with. These steps may work right away or they may take a few weeks or even months. This exercise can also help you clarify what isn’t rebalancing smoothly.
