If you’re familiar with spiritual relationships, you’ve probably heard the term “twin flame” before. It describes a relationship between two people who share the same soul split in two, and it sounds very romantic on the surface. But the truth is, twin flame relationships are often turbulent—and can quickly become toxic.

To find out why, what signs of toxicity to look out for, and what to do about it, we consulted licensed psychotherapist Babita Spinelli.

Why Twin Flame Relationships Can Be Toxic

Twin flame relationships are powerful, but that power can make the relationship feel all-consuming, to the point where a couple may not set boundaries or become clingy. “The fact that a person believes you’re ‘meant’ can cloud their judgment about issues in the relationship,” Spinelli explains.

When this happens, conflicts or issues arise, and the twin may ignore them or make excuses because they believe their relationship is more important. “If they’re abusive, we may not allow ourselves to acknowledge that and leave the relationship, because we associate this person with someone who has our mutual desire for happiness and our best interests at heart,” she adds.

Because soulmates see each other as their other half, it’s not uncommon for them to pick up on some of the other’s traits and even take on some of the other’s traits—even negative ones. “If they have low self-esteem, for example, the other half of the soulmate relationship may similarly see themselves,” Spinelli says.

Finally, there are a lot of pressures and expectations that come with soulmate relationships, where people feel like their partner should “deeply understand” them, she adds. “If a soulmate partner doesn’t meet these expectations, it can result in criticism and harsh communication. Triggers from our childhood, such as fear of abandonment, can also play a role, creating a need for control or mistrust.”

11 Signs of Toxicity to Watch Out For:

Controlling Behavior and Lack of Trust Manipulation

• Feeling Unheard or Unseen
• Ignoring Your Needs or Self-Experience
• Harming Your Self-Esteem
• Emotional Unavailability and/or Emotional Manipulation
• Verbal or Physical Abuse
• Disrespect
• Lack of Empathy and Compassion
• Feeling the Need to Meet Their Needs, Identities, and Desires Without Making Space for Yours
• Selfish or Deceptive Behaviors

How to Deal with These Relationships

High expectations can sabotage a relationship, so Spinelli notes that it’s important to examine the expectations of your soulmate. “Are they reasonable or higher than is realistic because of the idea that they are our soulmate?” she suggests asking yourself.

It can be especially difficult to walk away from someone you believe is your soulmate, but Spinelli says it’s important to pay more attention to how you feel rather than the fact that they might be your soulmate. She suggests checking in with your level of exhaustion, asking yourself if you’re feeling overwhelmed and if that’s healthy. “Let go of preconceived notions and get in touch with the facts if you feel like something’s wrong—trust your critical thinking skills.”

If you notice that the relationship is affecting your mental health, she recommends getting help from an objective outsider, like a mental health professional. “We may not recognize toxic behaviors, but we can notice if our self-esteem is low, depression is setting in, or our anxiety is high, for example,” she explains. It’s also helpful to get support if you’re struggling to walk away.

While soulmate relationships certainly have the potential to go wrong, that doesn’t mean they’re all going to go wrong. No relationship is perfect, and in the case of a soulmate, it may take some extra thought to figure out when to walk away. Ultimately, Spinelli says the most important thing you can do is remember that healthy relationships “are not about completing each other, they’re about complementing each other—you’re still a whole person.”