They may have showered you with attention, gifts, compliments, and promises of true romance, to the point where you feel almost exhausted by their charm.

Over time, you’ve started to notice some persistent red flags in their behavior:

They start to devalue and criticize you — first subtly, then overtly.

They get angry, or ignore you entirely, when you do or say something they don’t like.

They no longer seem to think about what you enjoy in bed, and instead seem entirely focused on their desires.

If your partner also has a general sense of entitlement and superiority, along with a need for regular praise and admiration, you may start to wonder if they could have narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).

“Personality disorder” is an umbrella term for a range of mental health conditions, including NPD, that are characterized by unhealthy patterns of thinking, feeling, and behaving.

The short answer is yes, it’s possible.

We’ve got answers to your questions about having sex with a partner who exhibits symptoms of narcissistic behavior below.

What does narcissistic sexual behavior look like?

The traits that characterize narcissistic personality disorder and other personality disorders tend to remain largely consistent over time.

These traits also show up in multiple areas of life. So, someone with characteristics of narcissistic personality disorder won’t just exhibit narcissistic behaviors at work or around family and friends. You’ll eventually start to recognize the signs in most of their interactions.

In a romantic or sexual relationship, the key traits that characterize narcissistic personality disorder can extend to all areas of your relationship, including the bedroom.

However, you may not always notice certain behaviors right away, especially when your partner makes a dedicated effort to present a different side of themselves.

When your sexual partner exhibits symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder, you may notice some of the following.

They only seem interested in physical pleasure

Sure, sex can be very enjoyable. Having purely physical sex with no strings attached can be quite satisfying — as long as that’s what you and your partner want.

In a relationship, sex (as well as post-coital cuddling and pillow talk) also helps you connect with your partner on an intimate level. Not only does it make you feel good, but it also fosters increased bonding and closeness.

However, partners with symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder may have little interest in building intimacy once their goal of sexual satisfaction has been achieved.

If you try to talk about your feelings or the relationship, they may offer some token engagement but appear bored or disinterested and quickly change the subject to how they feel.

TheyNeedA Lot Of Praise

People who exhibit narcissistic behaviors generally have high opinions of themselves. They may see themselves as special, uniquely gifted, and more important than anyone else.

In bed, this can sometimes translate into putting their pleasure first. They may want you to meet their needs, and if your needs aren’t being met, well, that’s not their business.

However, vanity can also mean that they may want to please you so that you can compliment them on their skills and tell them how considerate they are as a partner.

Related : Are Histrionic Personality Disorder (HPD) and Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) the Same Thing?

So, instead of sharing how much fun you had together, they may want you to describe how good they are at sex and how much you enjoyed the encounter.

They may be looking for this validation and approval every time you have sex. When you don’t deliver the admiration they hope for, they may pressure you for more compliments or even get angry.

They react badly when you disagree with them

Let’s say you mention something you don’t like or suggest something to try in the future.

For example:

“I don’t like it when you bite my neck.”

“Please don’t hold my head when I have sex with you.”

“I think it would be really fun to try standing up.”

It’s perfectly okay to express your needs and preferences. However, even when you do it respectfully, comments like this can challenge their perception of themselves as the “best” partner.

So, they might respond by denying your request, pointing out “flaws” in your appearance or performance, or making unkind comments.

For example:

“It always seemed like you liked it before.”

“I’m just trying to keep your head still because you’re not good at it. I’d never end it otherwise.”

“What would you know? It’s not like you’re hot in bed.”

They feel entitled to sex

Narcissism is often characterized by a sense of entitlement, so a partner with symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder may assume that you’ll jump at the chance to have sex when they’re in the mood.

After all, they may wonder, shouldn’t the opportunity to have sex with someone attractive and talented be fun?

When you don’t want sex, they may:

Try to make you feel guilty by saying you don’t care about them
Accuse you of cheating
Curses you
Compare your performance to previous partners
Threatens to leave you or have sex with someone else

You may not automatically recognize these behaviors as abuse. You may even begin to wonder if not wanting sex makes you a bad partner and that it’s you who’s at fault.

However, these manipulation tactics fall under the umbrella of sexual coercion. You can think of them as calculated attempts to make you feel bad and give in to what they want.

Nobody deserves sex.

Your partner may feel slightly disappointed when they want sex when you don’t. But in a healthy relationship, your partner will respect your decision and boundaries, and will not pressure you to change your mind.

They don’t care about your feelings very much

Narcissism usually involves a lack of empathy.

Low empathy doesn’t make a person completely incapable of understanding other people’s feelings.

But it does mean that they may not spend much time thinking about the impact of their behavior. They may even seem unaware that other people have feelings.

If your partner shows symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder, you may get the impression that as long as they get what they want, nothing else matters.

They may have a very specific, detailed plan for how your encounters will go. They tell you what they want to do, in what position, what you should wear in bed, and what to say during sex. They don’t ask for your opinion or consider that you might want to try something else.

This can make you feel like you’re more than a partner.

Does it always come across the same way?

Narcissistic behaviors occur on a spectrum.

It’s possible to have many narcissistic traits without meeting the full criteria for a narcissistic personality disorder diagnosis. These traits can appear to varying degrees of severity.

A partner with less severe narcissistic traits may be more willing to acknowledge problematic behaviors when you criticize them. They may also make more of an effort to consider your feelings and sexual needs. However, someone with severe symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder may remain completely convinced that only their needs matter. They may continue to try to manipulate and exploit you to meet those needs.

Many people may recognize the exaggerated sense of superiority and self-importance that is seen in grandiose narcissism, but vulnerable (covert) narcissism can look quite different.

A partner with traits of grandiose narcissism may:

Make explicit sexual demands
Tell you that you are wrong when you challenge or criticize his or her behavior
Directly demand praise and compliments
Get angry when you disagree

On the other hand, a partner with traits of vulnerable narcissism may:

Use passive aggression or other manipulative tactics to get what they want
Depend blame on you when you criticize problematic behaviors
Put themselves down so you can offer them compliments and praise
Be overly sensitive to criticism and hold grudges when they believe you have insulted them

Many people with traits of narcissistic personality disorder cheat on their partners and try to manipulate them into having sex.

Related : Yes, Narcissists Can Cry — Plus 4 Other Myths Debunked

However, narcissism itself does not mean that someone will cheat, use sexually coercive tactics, or exhibit any sexually aggressive behavior.

Is there a difference between narcissistic sexual behaviors and sexual narcissism?

It’s easy to confuse sexual narcissism with narcissistic sexual behaviors. After all, they sound like the same thing.

Here’s the difference:

Sexual narcissism is not a personality disorder or any type of mental health condition.

This term specifically refers to traits of narcissism that are only present in sexual behavior and attitudes toward sex. A person can exhibit traits of sexual narcissism without meeting any of the criteria for a diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder.

A person with traits of narcissistic personality disorder may have an arrogant attitude and other narcissistic traits in the context of their romantic and sexual relationships. But narcissistic traits will also appear in other areas of life.

It’s also possible to exhibit symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder without acting in sexual ways. The criteria used to diagnose narcissistic personality disorder don’t even address sexual behavior.

Research suggests a link between sexual narcissism and sexual aggression—which includes rape, other sexual assault, and sexual coercion. However, experts have found no evidence that narcissism alone increases the likelihood of sexual aggression.

What to do if you notice this in yourself?

If you notice signs of narcissism in your behavior, you may be curious about these traits and how they might affect your relationships.

Talking to a mental health professional is an important step toward gaining more knowledge and creating lasting change.

You can certainly start making changes on your own, perhaps by:

Reminding yourself that your partner is just as valuable as you are

Make it a habit to validate your partner’s sexual needs

Practicing more productive responses to criticism

The traits and behaviors associated with personality disorders tend to be difficult to change on your own, so professional support can make a big difference.

Therapy provides a nonjudgmental environment where you can:

Explore the underlying causes of narcissistic behaviors

Identify how narcissistic traits are manifesting in your life

Practice seeing things from your partner’s (or someone else’s) perspective

Learn new ways to communicate and relate to others

Learn how to recognize and respect boundaries set by others

In short, support from a therapist can help you develop and maintain healthier relationships that are fulfilling for both you and your partner.
What if you notice this in your partner?

If you identify some narcissistic traits in your partner’s sexual behavior, you may wonder what you should do next.

Should you confront them? Dump them? Say nothing and hope things get better.

If you’re interested in your partner and want to stay connected, you might try starting a conversation.

For example:

“I feel hurt and ignored when you say my interests don’t matter. I’m willing to try things that you enjoy, and if we’re going to continue this relationship, they should be equal. My preferences are just as valid as yours.”

It’s also important to set clear boundaries (and stick to them!).

For example:

“When I say I don’t want sex, I mean it. If you continue to pressure me or try to make me feel guilty, I’m leaving/you can go home.”

If they want to save your relationship, they might be willing to consider working with a therapist, so you can also encourage them to seek professional support.

For example:

“I want to keep dating, but I don’t see that happening unless I’m willing to consider my feelings. Would you consider talking to a therapist about how to try that?”

At the end of the day, remember this: change is possible, but it can take time and hard work in therapy to see results.