Crying is one way people empathize and connect with others. If you’ve heard the myth that narcissists (or psychopaths) never cry, you might imagine that makes perfect sense.

After all, if tears stem from empathy — the ability to understand and consider the feelings of others — then it’s reasonable to assume that people who lack empathy never cry.

Many myths about narcissism stem from the belief that all people with the condition are evil and incapable of changing, but that’s not true.

Here’s a closer look at the myth of narcissistic crying, along with some other myths you may have come across.

SoDoPeopleWithNarcissismReallyCry?

The quick answer is yes, absolutely. As for the long answer, it depends.

People cry for many reasons.

You might feel tears when you:

You’re feeling down and need a little help and support
You’re feeling hurt
You’re feeling a sudden rush of anger, or any other emotion
You’re affected by someone else’s distress

Crying is a natural human response, but those who rarely or never cry don’t necessarily have a personality disorder.

People can have trouble crying for any number of reasons, so tears aren’t a definitive test you can use to measure empathy (or lack thereof).

ButAreTearsReal?

It’s true: Some peopleTrust Source actually cry to gain sympathy from others or get something they want. This type of crying can happen when someone doesn’t know any other way to get their needs met.

A person with narcissism can easily use tears to gain the sympathy and attention they need, but they may also cry for the same reasons anyone else might.

If anything challenges this sense of superiority and entitlement, they may experience:

• Anger
• Shame
• Frustration
• Loss of self-esteem

People with narcissism may also experience low mood, sadness, and depression. And, of course, almost everyone experiences physical pain.

Any of these conditions can lead to real tears.

Experts also emphasize that while narcissism involves an unwillingness to consider other people’s feelings, this is not the same thing as a complete inability to consider other people’s feelings.

“People who seem to lack empathy for other humans in their lives can express tremendous concern, compassion, and empathy for animals,” explains Mary Lamia, a California psychologist, professor, and author.

“Someone with narcissistic personality disorder might cry, for example, when their pet dies. If they read a news story about a child being hurt, they might express empathy or compassion because the situation does not directly affect or involve their self-esteem.”

Do people with narcissism feel guilt or remorse?

Some people with narcissism may have very low (or no) empathy, or even take pleasure in others’ pain.

For example, malignant narcissism often involves traits associated with antisocial personality disorder, including a lack of remorse.

However, this does not characterize the experience of everyone with narcissism.

Narcissistic defenses are largely built to ward off shame, a self-directed emotion that often reflects an internalized sense of unworthiness.

Guilt, on the other hand, involves accepting responsibility for mistakes, so it requires an honest look at specific actions and their consequences.

People who believe in their perfection, specialness, and self-importance may have difficulty admitting mistakes, let alone showing remorse. However, this does not mean that they never feel guilty.

Once again, it comes down to empathy.

Many people have a hard time dealing with empathy, and for good reason:

Empathy requires vulnerability.
Empathy challenges you to think about the needs of others.

It creates the possibility that you might experience some distress yourself.

When you make a mistake, empathy can also involve recognizing how your behavior affects others.

If you don’t think much about other people’s feelings, you probably won’t spend much time thinking about how your behavior hurts them.

Narcissism often involves a high degree of self-centeredness, so a person with narcissism may not notice that others don’t share their self-preoccupation.

However, when people with narcissism can put themselves in someone else’s shoes and see things from their perspective, they can often begin to empathize with their distress.

When they realize that their actions have caused this distress, they may express regret with a gesture of apology, even if they don’t explicitly admit to the mistake.

Some research suggests that trust can lead to greater empathy in people with narcissism. This increased empathy, in turn, may enhance the ability to feel guilt and express remorse.

Can Narcissists Yawn?

Yawning can be very contagious, as anyone who has sat through a late-night study group or a long post-lunch meeting knows.

But there’s a common myth that people with narcissism are immune to it, leading some to claim that you can spot narcissism by checking to see if someone yawns when you do.

Experts believe that the contagious yawning phenomenon has to do with mirror neurons, which are thought to play a role in empathy.

Mirror or mimic someone’s body language helps you connect with them and build rapport. This natural social response increases your ability to empathize.

People with low levels of empathy may not respond to body language in the same way.

A 2015 study looked at 135 students who took the Revised Psychopathy Personality Test, a scale designed to measure psychopathic traits.

People who scored higher on the callousness scale (a measure of empathy) were less likely to yawn in response to another person’s yawn.

Narcissism and psychopathy are not the same thing, but empathy, again, seems to be a determining factor. Keep in mind, though, that the study authors reported a decreased chance of yawning, not a complete inability to hold in a yawn.

What’s more, not everyone with low empathy has narcissism or any other condition at all.

Do people with narcissism like to kiss?

The idea that people with narcissism hate kissing is, again, related to their difficulty recognizing and acknowledging the needs of others.

Sex, kissing, and hugging can fulfill important physical needs, but they can also foster bonding and increase intimacy.

Someone who doesn’t feel a need to bond may not have much time for nonsexual affection like kissing or hugging, reasoning, “It doesn’t do me much good, so why should I care?”

Early in the relationship, they may be very attentive to your needs. Later, sex may seem superficial or give you the impression that they’re only interested in their desires.

On the other hand, they may show a genuine dedication to being “the best you’ve ever been.” They may need a lot of validation from you, and you may get the impression that they’re putting on a show to win you over.

If you happen to share their interests and only have compliments on their performance, you may not have many problems, but you probably won’t notice much connection either.

If they don’t feel the need to deepen your relationship, physical affection often lacks the intimacy you’re looking for.

When you want to spend more time kissing and cuddling and they don’t, you may end up disappointed—unless they see kissing as another way to show off their prowess and win you over.

They may also be more willing to share if they see it as a way to get you to do something they want.

However, therapy can often lead to improvement, as long as your partner isn’t abusive and is willing to put in the effort to make a change (more on that below).

Can people with narcissism change?

Experts have different opinions about whether people with narcissism are capable of change.

But the consensus seems to be that they can—when they have a strong enough motivation to push for change. Those who don’t see the need to change probably won’t put in the effort.

Change requires exploring their weaknesses and reflecting on their shortcomings. Most people find this at least a little difficult. For someone who can’t face their flaws, it can be a near-insurmountable obstacle.

Narcissism often involves dichotomy or all-or-nothing thinking. This cognitive distortion leads to thinking, “If I’m not perfect, then I must be completely inferior and flawed.”

The key to change is usually developing whole-thing relationships, or recognizing that everyone has a range of negative and positive traits.

Learn more about how people with narcissism can (or can’t) change.

Bottom Line

People with narcissism tend to be less likely to practice empathy, which means they’re less likely to cry, express remorse, apologize, or connect intimately.

But narcissism doesn’t make a person inhuman. People with this personality disorder can still feel emotions and empathy. They can still maintain relationships, though they often need some professional guidance.

A therapist trained in working with people who show signs of narcissism can provide essential validation and support to build empathy and learn how to acknowledge others’ feelings.