“Should I block my ex on social media?” I get asked this question a lot.
The questions of “to follow or to unfollow” and “to block or not to block” have become Shakespearean after a breakup, and they’re the first things you think about after a breakup because they’re the only things you have exclusive control over.
It’s hard because it hurts to even think about them, let alone have them “I’m so happy, moving on, so easy, you’re so forgettable” all over your social media feed. You know you need to unfollow them, but what’s the point? You still check their profile, even if it’s private. You track their numbers and look for their profile picture updates. You start to wonder, “Should I block my ex on social media?” It seems strange to now be debating the need to block someone you thought you’d spend the rest of your life with.
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There are pros and cons to both. So what do you do? Once you block them, you know there’s no going back and it’s scary. The end is scary.
If you’re asking yourself, “Should I block my ex on social media?”
Here’s everything you need to know…
Well, let’s get this straight. Besides the chance for your ex to see what he/she’s missing, here are some other reasons why we can’t hit the block button
You’re hoping to find something, anything, that shows that he/she’s just as miserable as you are. And maybe… just maybe… misses you too.
Emotional political correctness. You’re trying to be “mature” and a “good person.” You think that unfollowing or blocking your ex will prove to him/her and all your mutual friends that you’re weak, that you’re not obsessed with him/her, and that continuing this is too painful. You care more about what other people think than you do about protecting your peace and sanity.
The breakup wasn’t that bad and you don’t want to seem like you’re overreacting.
I get it, you’ve been there. And there was no way to ease the pain and anxiety of it all; You’ve been obsessing over everything.
Even if the breakup was the most mature and amicable between the two of you, both parties still need some time after the breakup to let the dust settle. Unless you’re superhuman or you’ve already gotten over it, no way seeing your ex’s posts, likes, and comments is going to do any good for your mental health. But on the other hand, you tell yourself that it’s worth it because you want him to see how beautiful and happy you are, too.
Your breakup has now officially come down to who can out-act, out-behave, out-mature, and out-do the thing.
It took me a long time and a painful amount of humiliation to finally get to the point where my words match my actions (this is called owning the character). Now, if you’ve ever been through a breakup of any kind, it’s over.
When a relationship ends, all access to me is closed.
Every time I’ve been in FBI mode, it wasn’t social media or my ex that hurt me. I chose to re-traumatize myself. I was the one who kept reopening my wounds daily; happily filling them with salt, then crying over the inevitable sting!
In my opinion, the best thing you can do after a breakup is to unfollow your ex on all social media platforms or at least hide their updates from your newsfeed. “Should I block my ex on social media?” – I’ll get to that shortly.
“Should I delete my photos with my ex on social media?”
I suggest deleting all photos of your ex on social media. You can archive the photos and look at them in the future when you reach a point of nonchalance and peace—not every time you log in to anything.
Don’t worry about how you look to your ex or anyone else. Worry about yourself and your emotional health now.
When to Block Your Ex on Social Media:
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If your ex gets their affirmation by exploiting your hunger for affirmation. An emotionally unavailable ex who treats you with a constant lack of respect, honesty, love, and loyalty shouldn’t be able to find you in any search results. Period. You wouldn’t continue to follow a friend, classmate, or coworker who treats you like trash, would you? Remember, you’re the CEO of your company. Act like it and know when to fire certain people from the company and when to block others from ever coming into the building again.
When your ex uses social media to get information about you/hurt you/create drama/create jealousy and/or when you do the same. There’s nothing worse than feeling like you can’t be yourself. When you feel like you have to censor what you post and think about your ex before you post, like, or comment on anything, your profiles are no longer yours. You’ve been through enough already. I know how hard it is, and I know how addictive it is and I’m telling you, I wasted years of my life betting on your ex’s life (and girls I don’t even know) on social media instead of blocking him and living my life unapologetically. It was never worth it.
Should I unfollow our mutual friends/his friends?
If your ex is using them to contact you in any way, yes.
If you know they will “pass on” to your ex or his family/other friends, yes.
If they are fake friends of yours, yes.
If it’s affecting your mental health in any way, yes.
If you know they are going to tell/show your ex what you’re posting, yes. (I know this can be fun, but build your self-esteem by not engaging in these stupid games with miserable people and stop seeking validation. Who cares if your ex and his friends gossip and share photos of you? Don’t engage. Yes, it’s hard, but you’ll have a lot more self-esteem—and they won’t have anything to remind them of what matters in life.) Trust me, if you work on building a life of your own, they’ll know who you are and what your ex lost.
You have to decide whether you want to do the hard work now and reclaim your power, and your self-esteem, or do you want to be the killer of the person you were meant to be? What you were meant to be is much more than a set of eyes, ears, and fingers to write on, dedicated to monitoring the social life of someone who had no problem insulting your intelligence and cheating on you.
I can’t tell you how amazing it is to be able to post whatever you want without having to think or worry about your ex at all. It’s also amazing to be able to shut the door on them and all their hurtful dysfunctions. They may have broken up with you, but you can still have the last laugh.
Who cares what other people think? Anyone who thinks you’re weak, or that you’re just trying to start drama, or that you’re making a big fuss out of nothing, etc., by blocking your ex is not someone you need to be close to.
Since when did not want a daily stab in the heart and prioritizing your mental health mean you’re weak?
You’re no longer in the amateur phase of this relationship. Do what’s best for you and let your generous actions do the talking.
If your ex misses you, wants to see you, knows what you’re up to, and has any kind of access to you, then translate through your actions (by blocking) that he’ll have to do more than just turn on his cell phone and log into an app.
And if he’s toxic, believe me when I say that blocking him won’t make it “easier” to forget.
We always remember the people who didn’t show up for the circus – not the ones who were there.
