“I can’t stop thinking about my ex!” You are not crazy. I repeat, you are not crazy.

“A heartbroken person is like no other person. Their time passes at a completely different pace than ours. It’s this mental, physical, and emotional pain and feeling of conflict. Nothing distracts you from it. Then time passes, and as you live your life and create new habits, you get used to not getting a text every morning saying, ‘Hey, beautiful. Good morning.’ I get used to not calling someone at night to tell them how your day was.” – Taylor Swift

It’s completely normal to be addicted to your ex, even months later (it once took me two years to get off the “I can’t stop thinking about my ex” train). After a breakup, your ex becomes your default setting mentally and emotionally no matter what happens. Whether you’re trying to get back to normal and dating or staying single for the time being—you’re unhappy and in a constant state of pain, anxiety, and rethinking. Every person you meet is a highlighter (doing nothing more than highlighting your ex’s absence), and that’s bad. There’s no eraser in sight.

When I think back to the time I found myself in a “can’t stop thinking about my ex” state…

I realize now that much of the certainty I felt that I would never find anyone like my ex and that I would never be happy again was grossly exaggerated. It was nowhere near the truth and was complicated by a fog of despair and nonexistent self-esteem.

All I wanted to do was reach indifference.

As Elie Wiesel says, “Hate is not the opposite of love.” Deep-seated emotions are still involved in hate. Indifference is the holy grail because indifference is essentially not caring in any way. It’s the absence of healthy emotions. Indifference isn’t about wishing someone well or ill—it’s about not caring anymore.

Doesn’t that sound nice?

When you’re indifferent, you’re at peace with the toxic relationship that was. This is why when we reach true indifference, many exes shamelessly (or passively) come back, crawling back.

We are all energetic beings, and the moment someone can sense our indifference as genuine (and not as a way to provoke a reaction/drama), they panic because they know at that moment that they are no longer in control and that you are no longer an option.

Related : 10 signs you’re dealing with a master manipulator (according to psychology)

Human Nature 101: People always want what they can’t have/let go of. This is true even if you are not in contact with your ex. Energy always transcends traditional communication because energy is our only way to truly communicate.

I remember a few months after a really bad breakup, I was still in “I can’t stop thinking about my ex” mode. It was bad. A year later, I realized one day that I wasn’t thinking about him at all. And I was okay with that. My addiction was gone and I was finally clean.

Is there a way to reprogram “I can’t stop thinking about my ex” mode?

Is there anything you can do to speed up your recovery and end your addiction to your ex so you don’t waste another year (or more) that you’ll never get back?

How to get clean once and for all?

How to stop thinking about your ex? Here’s what you need to do:

Understand that you’re an addict. Yes, you are, and the first step to recovery is admitting it. Denial is a dangerous place to live and it goes hand in hand with delusion. If you can’t stop stalking his social media, that’s okay. I’m not asking you to stop (I know that’s impossible). I’m asking you to be honest with yourself about your ex’s addiction. That’s the first ste

If your ex is emotionally unavailable and has you in “I can’t stop thinking about my ex” mode, you need to understand:

You miss the idea of ​​him more than you miss him (replace him with “he” and this applies to all genders and orientations). Let’s be honest, if you describe your ex by his actions instead of continuing to cling to his words, you’ll realize that the person you’re missing doesn’t exist. Make sure you’re grieving the loss of someone you know doesn’t exist—not the loss of a toxic person who does. He’s revealed who he is. He was this man before you, with you, and will continue to be the same man with you. It’s very hard to let go of him because you’re not just letting go of him physically, you’re letting go of him emotionally. You’re letting go of the man he promised you he was, all while trying to clearly and consistently understand and accept who he is.

Related : Am I Emotionally Unavailable? How To Tell & What To Do

The Ditching Scenario. Are you still in “I can’t stop thinking about my ex” mode? Are you blaming yourself and thinking that not being good/pretty/sexy/understanding/safe/cool/sexy/classy/smart enough “made” him do what he did? Think about it this way: If I pissed you off enough, could you get so angry that you would kick your dog? I would hope that everyone would respond with an angry “No way!” Unfortunately, there are people in this world who, if they get angry enough, will go into a rage and kick their dog. There is nothing in this world that can make me angry enough to hurt an animal. To kick a dog when I am angry, you have to have the pre-existing ability to do so. I do not have that ability, so no matter how angry someone makes me, I will never take it out on an animal. No one can “make” you kick a dog. They can only create an environment in which you can be angry. What you choose to do with your anger is up to you. So, back to your ex, you did not “force” him to do anything. Could your insecurities and lack of trust have caused him to leave you? Sure. But they were not (and never will be) able to cause him to lie, cheat, emotionally distance himself, disrespect, and devalue you. You did not “force” him to be a bad person. The ability to “kick the emotional dog,” when triggered, must be there beforehand and that ability does not suddenly disappear. It may lie dormant for a while, but the ability to do so is always there within him—independent of other people. Eventually, he will be the same way with her.

All that happiness you felt in the relationship? You created it by seeing what you wanted to see (the expectation), putting it on a pedestal, and deciding to be a professional ignorant. It is easy to let go of reality, your pride, and your reputation, just as it is easy to hold on to grief, despair, abandonment, and rejection. It is much harder to let go of anger, disappointment, pain, what could have been, what should have been, and what should have been. Stop being an emotional monopoly.

Stop having sex with your expectations. You’ve had emotional sex with your expectations. If your self-esteem is healthy, you won’t fall in love with expectations, you’ll fall in love with character and turn away from their absence. Character = patterns (made up of actions) and words that consistently match those patterns in reality (not in your hopes, imaginations, potentials, and dreams).

Related : Should I Call Him? To Call Or To Not Call Your Ex Boyfriend

The only way a relationship can work is if you’re 100 percent on their terms. This is called an unrequited relationship and unrequited relationships aren’t good for your mental health. So what’s the point?

The reason you have such a hard time stopping “I can’t stop thinking about my ex” is because to get over the addiction, you have to truly accept your ex for who they are. Sometimes this is hard to do because when we accept someone for who they are (and who they’ve always been), it forces us to focus on the one thing we’ve been trying so hard to avoid. The one thing we gave up on long ago: ourselves. Your willingness to acknowledge your fantasy as “fact” is directly related to how much pain you choose to live with and how willing you are to stay out of apathy. Have I acted on my triggers? Have I been a drug addict? Sure. I have it all, but by staying in a state of accountability and acknowledgment, I can maintain my power despite my triggers. You can’t pretend to want to go down the path of apathy while making a conscious effort not to even fill your tank.

How long does it take to get over an addiction?

It varies from person to person. Pain is pain and trauma is trauma. It all depends on the triggers and issues you are facing. For me, it took a long time to get over the “I can’t stop thinking about my ex” situation.

The above points didn’t get me over my ex’s addiction right away, but they did greatly increase my ability to recover and eventually, I became indifferent.

It made me more aware of myself and my ex.

Decide with me now to stop putting your life on hold hoping that one day the cat will bark. Cats do meow. If you are stuck waiting for it to meow, that’s okay, but why not focus on improving yourself right now?

Dig a hole in your boat of imagination, remove it from that pedestal, retire from your role as a mat, and feel every ounce of your pain because it is your pain and it will eventually pass.

Related : How To Let Him Go: Get Over The Pain Of Losing Your Ex Today

If you feel like you have given up on your happiness forever, it is because you have chosen to give up on yourself. I will never give up on you or anyone else in this tribe.

You are not alone. Sometimes all it takes is one person to believe in us.

Do you want to get rid of addiction fast? Keep the above in mind and work on it every day by being an active participant in your recovery.

That’s why they say that addiction recovery is a distant decision. It’s hard, but the decision is yours alone.

Take my hand and let’s do it together.