Manipulative people are good at denying responsibility and deflecting blame. They like to blame others, and more often than not, their partner is right there in the crosshairs.
Because manipulators think they are cool, it is never their fault when something bad happens as a result of their actions.
They come up with excuses right away, and here are some phrases they use to shift the blame onto their partner.
1)”You overreact as usual”
Blaming someone for overreacting is the weapon of manipulators. They underestimate things as much as possible to make their mistakes seem meaningless.
Blaming their partner for making a big deal out of nothing is very painful and nullifying, don’t you agree?
And even more so if it happens all the time, I’m sure it happens. But here’s another one of their sausage:
2 )”You are too sensitive, that’s the problem”
People just like to accuse others of being too sensitive. Everyone is a snowflake these days, although the accused are often the biggest snowflakes of them all.
With this statement, they hurry to reject the feelings of their partner, which means that their feelings are exaggerated.
Manipulators again accuse the other side of making a big deal out of things, but this time, because they are very sensitive.
3 )” You always make things difficult”
If a person wants to press his partner’s buttons, all he has to do is say something like that.
I mean, even if it’s true, there are other ways of saying it, right?
But manipulators don’t care about hurting other people’s feelings, so why would they care about their partner’s feelings anyway?
Above all, manipulators are incredibly selfish and always look at how to step on others to get what they want.
4) ” I wouldn’t have done it if you hadn’t…”
Now, this is dozy, isn’t it? It’s a straightforward way to make excuses by blaming the other person.
It’s as if they say, “I did this because you made me do it,” putting the responsibility on the partner.
For example, a manipulator spends a lot of money all the time, but they blame their partner for pressuring them to buy things.
Or they snapped at them, and now they say it’s their partner’s fault for nagging them every day.
5)”You started this argument”
Now, this phrase conveys blame by claiming that it was the partner who started the argument. He avoids taking responsibility for their role in the quarrel.
That fits the style perfectly, right?
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He also does a great job of steering the conversation in the other direction. Now, the battle is about who started the argument first and not about what the argument was about in the first place.
7) “If you were more understanding, this would not happen”
Manipulators love projection, don’t they? In this case, they expect that the partner is not merciful and not them.
In other words, they indicate that problems arise because the other person lacks empathy. But, for anyone who knows the manipulator well, they call the kettle black, right?
There are simply no ifs, buts, or maybes about it.
8)”I did it because you never listened to me”
Again, this is a classic projection from the manipulator. Most often it is they who do not actively listen.
They only listen to others so that they can extract valuable information for further manipulation and not because they care about others or their problems.
With this phrase, they simply blame their partner for their actions, indicating that they have no choice but to act in a certain way due to the partner’s inattention.
9) “It’s your fault for the lack of clarity”
Claiming that they were not in the loop or that they did not understand the instructions is another tactic.
He blames the partner for any confusion, ignoring the possibility that miscommunication is a joint responsibility.
It doesn’t matter how clear the instructions are. If they do something wrong, you can bet that they will be an excuse to make the mistake and not the one who made the mistake himself.
10) “I did what I did because of your actions”
Excuses, excuses, excuses. This shifts the focus from personal choices to the partner’s behavior, suggesting that their actions forced the reaction.
So, for example, they may blame their partner like this: “I didn’t come home on time because you always bother me about punctuality. Your constant reminders create unnecessary stress.”
They are the real victim here because the poor people were under a lot of pressure, right? If it’s an ordinary person, then well, they can feel the pressure.
But for manipulators, it’s just another excuse.
11) “You imagine things, it’s not a big deal”
Now, we have come to an interesting thing lighting. Although the term has only gained popularity in the last two decades, it is something that manipulators have been doing since the dawn of time.
They underestimate the importance of the situation and suggest that the other person misinterprets things, making their fears seem unimportant:
They just imagine things, there is nothing to see.
12)”I only react to how you treat me”
In this case, the manipulator indicates the behavior of his partner, thereby reducing personal responsibility for how to choose a response.
They were the victim again because their partner supposedly mistreated them. But if you know the manipulators, their tactics, and behaviors, you know that they are the ones who do all the abuse.
It’s just who they are and everything they do is in the service of the ” common good.”In their case, this is always sex, money, power, influence, or all of them.
They push people to do what they want them to do using passive aggressiveness, guilt-tripping, love bombing, selective amnesia, silent therapy, and much more.
13)”You should know better instead of causing problems”
With this phrase, they put all the responsibility on their partner to avoid conflicts, oversimplify the dynamics of the relationship, and neglect joint responsibility in solving problems.
In other words, it’s not their fault again. They were on the receiving end of the argument, and any mistakes or harmful actions they made were not the point.
The real point is that the partner should not have gotten out of the problem. They should have been more supportive.
14)”If I were more supportive, I wouldn’t act like that”
This suggests that the lack of partner support is the main reason for some actions. They skew accountability and ignore the fact that people make their own choices.
In this case, the manipulator had a choice whether to do something or not. Now they are trying to blame their partner for everything and make them look unsupportive.
Again, if it’s not them we’re talking about, you could make a case for the person. But, because we know that they are manipulative, we know that they don’t care about things like whether someone supports them or not.
15)”You are the one who needs to change, not me”
And finally, they’re perfect, and everyone around them is wrong and needs to change.
That is why, with this statement, they avoid admitting personal mistakes by insisting that the other person is the one who needs to change.
It also completely distracts attention from their actions and behaviors.
Final thoughts
Living with a manipulator or being in a relationship with one is not easy. I can’t even imagine what life is like for their partners.
Many of them do not even realize the fact that their loved one is a manipulator until it’s too late. At this stage, getting out of their grip is much more difficult.
Often, the only solution is for the manipulator to find a “better” victim. A new person they will focus all their attention on in the future.
[…] RELATED:15 phrases manipulative people use to shift blame onto their partner […]